Stumbling

I have been having a tough time lately. I am in a rut where things seem bleak. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. Each day is just a day that I am passing for the sake of saying I made it through that day. It's sad, and it's frustrating, and it's probably strange for most people to hear.


I have a great life. I love my job and am so lucky to be passionate about the work I do every day. I love my home and feel fortunate to live in a place I love surrounded by comfort and beautiful things. My family is healthy, my pets are loving and funny, SB is a hardworker and wants to work towards our goals with me.


But I am sad. And down. And lonely. I am lonely, but I feel antisocial. I am going to dinner tonight with friends, but I'm not really looking forward to it. I know I should be, I miss them, but the thought of getting dressed and driving there and being out at night instead of home on the sofa is, frankly, exhausting to me right now. Just the thought of it.

I'm sure everyone gets the blues, and I rationalize that at least I am cognizant of the fact that this is weird, that at least I force myself to socialize and have fun, because I'm sure once I'm there it will be fabulous. But I don't think it's normal that I feel that everything just takes so much effort.

I know all of this probably indicates that maybe I should go back on meds. But I have been telling myself that it will pass, that it's just the change in weather. Then maybe I'm thinking it seems like too much effort to see a doctor. And that would indicate that it is even more important than I thought.