The kid is turning one

One year ago I was laboring. Hard. My doula had recommended a try to get some rest through the evening, but that was impossible because OW.

All day I've been remembering these little capsule moments. Waking up knowing it was The Day. A panic-stricken trip to Toys R Us for last minute things, and then Staples for batteries of all things. We ate pizza for dinner. We watched Prince of Persia. Then we watched Auction Kings (a LOT of Auction Kings was watched between midnight and 3 over the next several weeks). Then Idiot Abroad, which kept us at home that little smidge longer.

And as vivid as everything is coming back, until yesterday I barely thought about it. Because I've been pretty caught up in watching her become a kid. She was a baby, and now she's a kid. And it all happened right in front of my eyes. In one year.

For what may have been...

I'm not sure if this is true for everyone, but I have always had a few guys in my past who I have thought of with warmth, and always wondered "what would have happened if I'd ended up with him?" All great guys, all were great friends at the time, always had that little extra something between us, but the timing was never right, or whatever, and nothing ever happened. Or in some cases nothing much ever happened.


For me, there were probably less than a handful of guys who fit this criteria. Met them all in high school while I was in a relationship, we spents loads of time together in different capacities, and I have always wondered what would have happened.

Through the magic of The Internets, or more specifically, Facebook, these doors are slowly closing.

One boy seems to be a perpetual drifter - still just out there for the good times and not really that serious about much of anything. He still looks great, so that's a bonus, but I think I now require a little more character and go-getterism than I used to.

Another boy's looks have changed - not for the better. Now, I know no one is going to look like they did in high school, and I'm especially sensitive to The Weight Gain, as I have admittedly packed on more than a few since 1997. But this boy went in the opposite direction. He used to be cute, wasn't a big guy, but had great hair and a great smile. Now he looks like a heroine addict. Maybe he is.... And his hair is shaved off. Unless he's an actor with a part in Schindler's List, I think that daydream is done.

There are still a few who are not on Facebook, and although I would love to know what they're up to, I kinda hope they don't join. Because when I mentioned this decline in my long-lost possibilities, SB said, "well, I guess you're just going to have to learn that this is the best you're gonna get. You're stuck with me."

Yes, I guess that's what this means.