32 weeks 4 days

Yay it's Christmas Eve! I'm making sweet and hot almonds, SB is out getting supplies for our dinners tonight and tomorrow, and the puppy and kitties are snoozing away. Oh, and I'm watching a Criminal Minds marathon. Holiday perfection!

Thought I would update on the nursery, which has been "done" for a few weeks now. I'm really pleased - it has come out exactly as I wanted. Not cutesy, not frilly, not overrun by commercial cartoon characters or ugly cartoon monkeys. It's fresh, clean, cozy, and will be easy enough to update into a toddler/kid room as The Insider grows up. Here are some photos of the progress:The empty room, with butter color walls and no window treatments. I'm annoyed by the electrical panel in the corner, and trying to think of ideas to cover it. It's placed in a very awkward spot, that a canvas/painting would look weird filling the whole space.... a bit stumped.

This is a photo of all the crap that used to be jammed in the nursery, now jammed into the dining room. The room used to also contain a treadmill, a giant wardrobe and a giant corner desk, but those were sold/donated long before this stage. Thank goodness.

"Finished" - seating and storage area. Walls are now beige/tan. The giant box of picture frames will be gone (unfinished project #376 for other parts of the house) and the lamp has to go (cause it's ugly). Also, on the back of the door you can note my wedding gown, which I have yet to bring to be cleaned. (unfinished project #253). We may also get another block of 3x3 storage to stack on top of this one. The closet in this room will be used for regular storage, so The Insider needs as much space as possible for clothes and toys to be put away, otherwise her dad may put her to the street.
"Finished" the rest of the room: one option for the ugly electrical box is to pull the curtains over a bit on that side. But then I feel the room may look lopsided.... We will also have a changing pad on top of the dresser, and maybe a rug. The last big thing to do is to choose some wall art, but I have a long list of etsy prints that I want, so I can't see this being a problem.

31 weeks 4 days

So, the decision has been made, and I feel soooooooo much better. We've decided to stay put for the holiday. The final straw for me was thinking about what WOULD happen if we delivered while home. The Insider would be 8 weeks early, so chances are she would end up in the NICU for x amount of time while we would be scrambling around, living out of suitcases, worrying about the cats back here and our condo, and THEN once she was finally discharged we would be traveling back to Montreal with not just an infant, but a teeny tiny 3/4 baked infant.

So we're keeping our butts here. And I feel really good about it. I think SB is just happy that even though we are staying, Christmas is NOT dead this year, and we will be able to have a tree, and hot chocolate, and lots of food and holiday movies etc. I'm also envisioning lots of walking in the snow with Miss Beastly (Tess) and taking lots of photos of her frolicking about.

Our nursery is 98% done - just need wall hangings. I'll post photos soon. It's pretty sweet.

And that's all the baby news. She's still rockin' and rollin' in there. Actually, I'll go one day thinking "wow, she isn't really moving around much" and then the next day she'll be almost knocking me over from kicking me. She's already torturing me.

30 weeks

Week 30 is bringing us into the middle of a slight conundrum. To travel or not to travel?

Both of our families are in New Brunswick. We haven't been home for the holidays for 4 years due to the old dog and cat business. We were both very much looking forward to a holiday at home.

Then we became pregnant people.

At first I was gung-ho. It's no problem. No worries. I'll only be 32-34 weeks during holiday time. It'll be fine. It'll be better than fine, it'll be great!

But the closer I get to holiday time, the less sure I am that it's such a great idea. Things that do not concern me: driving in a car for 10 hours. However, for some reason, everyone thinks that this is the part of the trip that worries me the most. I have no qualms about being in a car for 10 hours. In fact, I would probably love it being that I would nap all day if I could, and being in a car for 10 hours, what's a better way to pass the time then to nap?

Things that do concern me: Going into pre-term labor 10 hours away from home. I realize there are very few things that you can plan and rely on when it comes to labor and delivery, but if I gave birth 10 hours away from home, I think I would lose it. Not in the birthing centre we've visited and wrapped our heads around, not in the hospital 10 minutes from home, not with our chart handy, not with our doula, not with our little baby nest 10 minutes from the hospital to bring The Insider home to, not with our carseat, not with our baby clothing, not with our tub to labor in at home, not with our few weeks of settling in after filled with personal chaos, but in our house at our pace with our cats. I would lose. My. Shit. And right now the only solution I can think of that guarantees avoiding this situation is staying my ass right here at home.

Yes, in New Brunswick there is a great hospital where my mom knows most of the doctors, more of the nurses, they have a great NICU and comfy facilities. But, oh my hell, our doula, our house, our nest, our cats.... Plus a 10 hour drive back with an infant. After giving birth.

We have polled several councils. 1st being our doctor, who was only able to give a medical opinion, which was basically "sure, there's no reason you can't sit in a car for 10 hours." As stated, OBVS. This is not really the question.

2nd council consulted: My yoga class. 6 out of 6 polled there say they would never make the trip in a million years.

3rd council: A caucus of nurses at my mom's work training this week. I'm not sure how many were there, but they all seemed to think it was a bad idea too.

So, I'm at a loss. My heart and my doctor say we should go. But, my intuition, my sanity, and my councils say we should stay put. So, the jury is still out on this one.

A post NOT related to the Insider

So, aside from all the baby building brouhaha, there is some more pretty big news around these parts. I submitted a story to the CBC/QWF Quebec Writing Competition way back in ....mmmm, maybe April or May? In August, I found out that out of a field of about 300 entries, I had made it into the top 30.

Last month I found out that I actually made it to the top 13, which means my story will be officially published in an anthology coming out next fall! My first publication! They told me a month ago, but I wasn't supposed to make any announcements or anything until after the gala that they held last week.

I can't really explain how happy and excited I am. When we sold the business our intention was that I would work part time for a year, and see how far I could go in this writing thing. I got out this submission, and one or two others before we found out I was pregnant, and then writing sort of got put on the backburner again while I wrapped my head around everything. I started to feel...not resentful, but definitely anxious that my one chance to give this a shot was lost, and now with a baby coming, and the subsequent child-rearing that is generally associated with birthing, I would never work up the steam and nerve again.

But this, this is a great start. It gives me a little confidence, and definitely some motivation. Like crack, I think, knowing your words will be in print is a bit addictive.

28 weeks, 4 days

Here is the latest belly photo:
Taken this morning. To me, looks exactly like the LAST belly photo I posted. Although my pants would beg to differ. Maybe because I'm wearing black?

I have begun the prep work to The Insider's Lair. Yesterday I filled all the holes in the walls (the previous owner was a BIG fan of drywall anchors, which makes for very heavy patching), and today I will give the walls and baseboards a wash. I may even paint the trim today....although after dragging the contents of the room into our dining room, I'm already pretty exhausted. We'll see. Nesting fail.

We have yet to have even one conversation about possible name choices. I have been slowly building a list (I've gotten through A-M so far!) but I don't think SB has been working on his yet. In this respect, it would have been much easier if the Insider were a boy, since I have had a boy's name picked for years.

Tess says she is compiling some name selections, but will only tell them if we are really stuck.

27 weeks 3 days - Doula Doula Doula

Week 27 and the Insider is on the move in there. Lots of kicking, pushing, headbutting, flipping - I swear she is going to join Cirque du Soleil. It doesn't wake me up in the night or anything, but it can be quite alarming when I'm typing away and she almost kicks the laptop off my lap.

I also had a cold this week, which started last Friday and which is still lingering. Ugh. When we owned the business, I didn't get a lot of bad colds, because I was rarely interacting with people in the public. Now that I work as a receptionist, I have had two bad colds this year, and I'm assuming I'm catching them from clients at the clinic, or from touching money...Or maybe I caught it at the hospital last week when I was stuck there for 4 hours for appointments!!! Anyway, I'm almost past it, and hopefully it's the last one for a while.

As a follow up to my post about birthing naturally, just wanted to say thanks to those who posted comments and who messaged me privately. I love hearing all about different birth experiences - both about what your intentions were vs what you ended up with, and how you would plan differently next time. It is all extremely helpful in the planning process.

To help us achieve our goal of a natural delivery, we decided to hire a doula to help us out. A doula, or at least a doula the way that we plan on using one, is basically a birth coach who is with you from the moment you are in labor until the baby makes its entrance. She is also helping us prepare for labor with several prenatal information sessions (like a private prenatal class, I think these will be much more useful to us than group ones), and will have a visit with us a week or two after the baby is home to follow up and help us out in any way she can for a few hours.

We found our doula at www.motherwit.ca - they have great information sessions once a month where all the doulas are present to explain what they do, how they work, and where you can ask any questions you may have about their services. It was also a great opportunity to see which of the doulas we felt most comfortable with, like a group interview really.

What do we hope the doula can do for us? Well, since we want to stay home as long as we can, she will join us here and help us decide when it's really time to go to the hospital. I would much rather be hanging out in my own house, on my own bed/couch/floor or in my own tub or shower as long as we possibly can. I never had any interest in birthing at home, and would prefer the main event to happen in the hospital just in case, but from what I understand labor is a pretty uncomfortable experience, and I'd rather be in a comfortable environment while I'm working through it.

We're also going to rely on our doula to help make suggestions about labor positions, to give some helpful massages to relieve some tensions, and to remind us to eat and drink when appropriate. Once we do get to the hospital, her role may be even more important. While the doula won't take on the role as arbitrator between us and the hospital staff, she can help to counsel us in our decisions. I think that if it came to a point where I had to decide whether to have or not have one of the interventions I'm trying to avoid, I would feel a lot better about whatever I decided if I was able to take 5 minutes with her to discuss the situation and get her opinion as someone outside of the medical team who actually knows how a regular birth should go.

Hopefully this strategy will work for us. And if not, at least if SB faints or something I won't be stuck alone :P

26 weeks 4 days - au naturel

Before becoming pregnant, I did not want to hear anything about birthing, labor, waters breaking, c-sections, etc etc etc. It grossed me out. It creeped me out. And it was something I never thought I would ever have to worry about.

Cut to us deciding to have a baby, and obviously the birthing process is part of that. But for some reason it went from giving me major skeeves to being completely obvious how I wanted it all to play out.

I preface this post by saying that I am not a judgy person. I totally understand why other people make different choices about their births, and believe that everyone needs to make their birth experience exactly what they need it to be. Before becoming pregnant I probably would have said "Give me the Twilight Sleep birth - knock me out and I'll worry about the kid when it's out and I wake up." But it's like a switch flipped in me.

I'm sure I'm jinxing myself by saying this, but this pregnancy has been very, very easy. Aside from fatigue and some muscles cramps and achiness, I barely feel pregnant at all. It really has helped me wrap my head around the fact that my body was built to do this. It is working like it's supposed to, and building The Insider all on its own with barely any conscious effort on my part except for being sure not to poison her. So why can't labor be the same? If my body is being so efficient at putting this baby together, why can't I trust it to get it out of there just as efficiently?

So we decided to do a natural birth. What does that mean? Ultimately, my ideal situation would be laboring at home as long as we can, then heading to the hospital to fight with them about not interfering. I don't want Pitocin, I don't want laughing gas, I don't want an epidural. I don't want an episiotomy. I definitely definitely definitely do not want a CSection. There are a lot of factors that made me decide this, but basically I want my body to be in full control of the situation, and I trust it to work the way it should. I also care more about bouncing back after the labor than getting labor over as quickly as I can. And from the reading and researching and googling I've done, I feel like a natural birth is going to give me the best outcome with regards to those goals.

I feel it's important to also say that, yes, I realize this is my first birth experience and that I really have no idea what it is REALLY like. And I realize that in the moment I may change the way I feel about the wonders of the human body and gladly welcome some interventions. But I'm hopeful that I can power through it, because chances are I won't be up for doing this again. And I would hate to have any regrets at all about this experience, especially since so far it has been very positive.

If you feel like sharing, tell me about your birth. Tell me what you loved/hated. Tell me how you felt about nurses/doctors in the moment, and tell me things you wish your partner had done and things you're glad they did do.

25 weeks 6 days

Appointments on Thursday were great! Our doctor couldn't figure out why the ultrasound department was so concerned about the baby's size. She thinks that 6-7 lbs at birth is great, and I happen to agree with her on that one. Anyway, so instead of sending us back up to ultrasound, she did one herself (saved us time AND aggravation!) and announced that everything looked normal to her, that The Insider will probably just be petite. Considering neither of us are giants, that seems pretty acceptable.

She also agrees that The Insider is most likely a girl, so we are going with girl. I think it's harder to get them to guarantee it's a girl than to get them to place bets on "boy" - it's easier for a boy's penis to be hiding than for a girl's vajayjay to spontaneously expand for the sake of the ultrasound. But 3 out of 3 doctors have agreed she's a girl, so my money is on girl too.

The last big part of my appointment was my glucose challenge test, wherein they make you drink a bottle of orange-flavored drink, wait an hour, then take a blood test to be sure you aren't developing gestational diabetes. I really don't want to get that. I have not looked into the different treatments for it because I'm too terrified and don't want to know about them until I get it, but I have a feeling it would at the very least involve a very restricted diet, to which I say BLAH! So fingers crossed I'll pass this test and not have to worry about it again. The tech said I should know by Tuesday.

And that's it! I promise this week I'm working on some more interesting posts about some of the plans we have for AFTER the Insider comes out, but this week we were just concerned with making sure she's not going to come out Smurf-sized.

25 weeks 1 day

This pregnancy has really been uneventful. I apologize that it hasn't given me much fodder for the old bloggity blog. But I guess I'm pleased - eventful doesn't always mean pleasant!

Lots of movement happening now - Insider aerobics and circus classes happen daily. I think my doing yoga is really inspiring her (still going with "her" until we're told otherwise - we have another ultrasound this Thursday so hopefully we can get a little confirmation).

Although I find my belly is still growing gradually enough that I don't really notice it, I am starting to feel that my body isn't really my own. While I'm still very flexible in yoga class, and okay to climb stairs and walk the dog without actually getting winded, there are a few things that bother me.

If I walk too fast (with the dog, without the dog, carrying something, not carrying something) I get some pretty wicked round ligament pain. These pull at your sides, just under the belly, and pretty much feel like runners' stitches. Ya, except I'm not running, I'm just trying to get my fat ass from A to B.

My sciatica is back, only on one side, thank heavens. It bothers me most when I have been sitting too long in a chair that is the wrong height. Anyone who has ever worked in an office environment with me knows that I like my chair seat height to be about 3 inches off the floor. Okay, maybe not that low, but low. My theory is that I have short legs - when I'm seated at a comfortable height, my legs bend at 90 degrees. And it just so happens that the right height is usually the lowest one. Anyhoo, if the chair is too tall, and my legs are not at 90 degrees, my sciatica acts up and I turn into a 97 year old who just happens to be growing a fetus.

Lastly, I have been chronically running into everything. It's like all my joints and appendages have Tourettes and jump out at random objects. I just got rid of a bruise on my knee (printer stand under our desk at work), and currently have a giant blue welt on my elbow (piece of hospital equipment while on our tour of the birthing center) one on my hip (run into the radiator outside the bathroom at work at least once a day), and I'm pretty sure there will be a new one on my knee tomorrow because I bashed into the printer stand again today. Between this and the acne, I feel like I'm going through puberty again.

And I'm 97.

And growing a baby.

It's the entire life cycle rolled into a 9 and a half month period.

23 weeks 6 days

A bit slack on the posting this week. But, don't worry, you're not missing anything pregnancy-wise because nothing is changing. Still weird spastic movements, still getting fatter, still feeling great, but tired. Old news.

I am very interested to see how the pets will react when the Insider comes along. They cats are very sensitive and are often the first to tell that a mom is pregnant, but our guys seem completely oblivious. Or, at least, if they ARE onto me, they don't really care either way. They haven't adopted any weird behaviors, which is great because those behaviors usually include peeing in places they shouldn't. Sometimes we catch Simon sleeping in the baby carseat, but that's harmless and pretty hilarious, actually, because he barely fits in the seat part.

I'm curious about how Tess will react. I have no qualms at all about how she will be towards the baby, but she has never known me NOT pregnant, so she may feel differently about me once all these weird hormones quit emitting their vibes. I hope she still likes me. I have a feeling we will be spending a lot of time together with the Insider in the middle of the night.

22 Weeks 4 days

The Insider is moving around a bit in there. For a while I was feeling it mostly in the morning around 10/10:30, but this week it's been completely unreliable and all over the place. Once I was able to feel it from the outside by pressing down pretty firmly on my belly, but the movements are so random and spastic that it is next to impossible to predict when SB should give it a shot. Soon, hopefully.

Decided to post a "Belly Photo". It would be awesome if I didn't have that extra back and arm fat, but what are you gonna do, right? Actually, I was on a message board the other day and one of the posts was called "No one told me my arms would get pregnant too" - I laughed out loud.

Yoga should help, though. Or at least I hope so. I've been to four classes so far, and am loving it. Going to shoot for at least two classes per week. Not only is the class itself fun, but most of the women there are pretty cool, too.

I still feel great, which is a bonus. Most of the women in my class have loads of back pain, carpal tunnel, lots of acid reflux, but I've been off the hook so far. I'm sure it will come, but each week that passes that I feel good, I'm thankful.

The only annoyance this week has been a weird sleep pattern. I get exhausted around 4pm, and stay that way until bedtime, then I can't fall asleep. And when I finally do fall asleep, I wake up every hour or two for no reason - don't have to pee, no pains, nothing, just wide awake. Very aggravating, especially since I'm trying to store up my rest reserves until the Insider makes an appearance.

21 Weeks, 4 days - Girl"ish"

Big week here, big big week.

First of all, finally got to my prenatal yoga class. Last Saturday's attempt was a disaster wherein I forgot to bring the exact address of the studio with me, walked right past it, continued on for 20 minutes, then upon doubling back I realized I had parked about 1 minute away from it.

However, I got my act together and made it to class last night and it was awesome. We did some postures that we relaxing and then some other flows and postures that were actually pretty challenging fitness-wise. I was sweating and out of breath a few points, so was all in all impressed. They have class three times a week, with three different teachers, but I'm only available regularly for two of them. We'll see if the other teachers measure up!

Also, we had our ultrasound yesterday. The technician was very helpful when she said "Looks like it could be a girl." Duh. It could be for sure. but IS IT???? She left the room for a few minutes and we asked her to look again. At first she seemed offended that we didn't believe her, but when we said it was more the way she stated it than anything she assured us that if she had any doubts she wouldn't have said anything at all. I'm still not 100% convinced, but am going with "girl" for now...tentatively.

20 weeks, 4 days

Vacation was great! Little did we know that our wee mountain dog is actually a water dog at heart:
Her very favorite thing was running along the beach and exploring the giant piles of seaweed. And while she did hop in the water regularly, I think that she would enjoy it even more if it was a bit warmer!

While on vacation, I passed the 19 week and 20 week mark. Allegedly The Insider is the size of a small cantaloupe now. Also, within one day, my belly went from looking fat to looking round, as per my mother who said "Wow, you really popped overnight!".


The last few days I've been feeling a few what they call "flutters" - basically feels like gas bubbles without the gas. In one week, we have our anatomy scan ultrasound, which means we will know if we're having a boy or girl baby.

Tomorrow, I'm going to try my hand at a prenatal yoga class. I feel blobby and gross since I can't go running, and walking just doesn't do it for me. So I figured at least if I get some stretching and muscle strengthening happening it may help me feel better. Plus I'm sure a little flexibility won't hurt to help during labor. I'm going to check out Studio Bliss since one of our ex-clients is an instructor there. She won't be the teacher tomorrow, but I figure she is a very sweet woman, and if she works there it must be a pretty okay place. I'll let you know how it goes, so long as the exertion doesn't kill me.

18 weeks 1 day

Less than a week until vacation! Actually, tomorrow is my last workday before vacation, but we don't leave until Saturday. I can't wait for Tess to see the ocean. I'm pretty certain she is going to be terrified, but I'm hoping it will be a little fun for her at least. Especially since the week we get back she goes in for her spay. Poor Tessy.

It's pretty amazing how fast Tess is growing. Right now she is 55 pounds. I can remember having to carry her up and down the stairs because she was too small to negotiate them herself. She also used to refuse to come to the door so we could go on her walk - we had to clip the leash to her and practically drag her to the door. Then when we got outside, she would refuse to walk anywhere, terrified of everything she saw. And while she's still pretty much traumatized by anyone on two legs, I can remember a time when I thought she would stay petrified forever. That I would be spending the next ten years trying to drag a 100 pound dog around. But she loves her walks, and even moreso she loves the dogpark. And I can't even begin to gush about how smart she is and how obedient with all the commands she learned in her training class. Every day I tell her I can't believe how much I love her. Because I really can't believe it. She is awesome.

On the pregnancy front, still no baby movement. However my legs have been in overdrive. For three out of the last five nights I haven't been able to fall asleep because of restless legs. I've had this happen to me before in normal times but apparently it's a pretty common pregnancy problem too. And a super annoying one. At 12:45 am last night I was ready to go run around the block a few times to get my legs to quit feeling creepy crawly.

17 weeks 2 days

Still no movement in there. But belly is reaching critical mass, I would say. Any moment now the stretch marks will start to appear.

One of the first things you do when you find out you're pregnant is start googling. I can't get enough information. I read online for hours and hours and hours, sign up for newsletter after newsletter. And I cannot deny, this information is so helpful and sometimes reassuring. It often helps me form my opinions and wishes for this pregnancy, for how I want to eat, how I want to exercise, how I want to deliver, where I want to deliver, etc.

By now, I feel like I've googled my google off and read the whole internet with regards to pregnancy. I keep coming across the same info, phrased in all different ways, but basically the same old stuff I already know.

However sometimes the information that's out there is quite alarmist. Often on message boards what you will find are the happiest moments ("Yay, tomorrow we find out the sex!") or the very worst stories ("we went to find out the sex, and found out the baby has no heartbeat"). And because I still don't feel any movement, it sends my mind through all sorts of dark tunnels of "What if that's happening to me and I have no clue?"

Nothing I can do for now except assume that no news is good news. Hopefully The Insider will start wiggling around a little closer to the walls in there so I can tell what's going on!

16 weeks 5 days

Still nothing eventful. I feel like I'm failing at this science experiment as my results have been fairly lackluster. Sorry it's so boring.

Before preparing the nursery, we decided to pull up our pants on decorating our own bedroom. This hasn't been touched since we moved in. Two years ago we bought a new mattress with the intentions of buying a new bedframe to go with it, but we never got around to it. Well, we've bought a new dresser, ordered our bedframe, and this weekend is the big re-paint project. We did the ceiling yesterday, and Eric and I got a start on the priming this morning. After lunch his friend Bjorn came over and helped him finish the rest as I had gotten a bit sleepy (normal) and also a headache (also normal, but was a bit worried about the paint fumes too).

One month until we find out what kind of baby this is, and until we're halfway done this adventure.

15 Weeks 3 days

Another uneventful week. I must say I am quite impressed with the way my body is dealing with being pregnant. I have had zero sickness, no swelling, no weird veins on my legs. The only inconvenience has been extreme fatigue, which is not so far off from how I feel on a regular day, so I've been coping alright. Napping is a regular activity now, but there are definitely worse things. This week I've also been experiencing some pretty bad headaches, but I think those have more to do with sinus pain and allergy issues than baby-building.

I am also not finding myself having more food cravings than I normally do. And I'm not craving anything weird. I definitely miss sushi A LOT - more than I would have thought. I've tried some vegetarian sushi and while it's okay, it's not the same as some fantastic spicy tuna sashimi.

I do however have one food aversion, which is weird. I can't even stand the thought of a mixed green salad. It makes me want to barf. Caesar salad is okay, though. So weird.

I was almost inspired to take a photo of the belly this morning. I find it has really popped this week, which I kind of like since before I just looked like I was carrying a spare tire. But I'm still not happy about all the extra flab I see (which a lot of people are saying indicates I've a got a girl in there) so didn't go through with it. Maybe next week.

14 weeks and 4 days

One of the major issues I'm having with being pregnant is getting fat again. Rationally, I know that this is what happens when you are growing a human in you, but psychologically I'm finding it very, very difficult.

Two years ago I started the process of shedding excess weight that I was unhappy with. I was very successful, and very happy with the results, ultimately losing over 30 pounds. I was more active, had more energy, and actually enjoyed shopping again.

Now I find myself only 15 pounds away from where I started.

Yes, it's true that after the wedding I put on about 5-7 lbs from my lowest point, but I think this is normal, and it brought me to a point where I didn't have to constantly worry about what I was eating to maintain the weight I was at.

At the beginning of the pregnancy I stopped eating/drinking things with aspertame and started drinking more milk and juice - this small thing added on another 5-7 pounds within a month or so, but I felt I didn't want to chance the chemical effects on the baby (even though they say they are relatively safe).

I also had to quit running, not because running is bad for you to do in a normal pregnancy, but because we had a horrible heat wave and I barely wanted to chance walking the dog let alone running 5Km since they say overheating is very dangerous for a pregnant lady. By the time heat let up, I felt like my body wasn't ready to start back up again without it being dangerous.

Then, I started to get HUNGRY. All the time. And I was so worried that I would suddenly be stricken by morning sickness and not be able to keep anything down, that I figured "better get while the getting is good" so I ate. Whatever I felt like it, whenever it struck me.

But morning sickness never came and by 12 weeks I was already within 15 lbs of my starting fat weight.

But, by week 10 I also realized that I probably wouldn't be getting morning sickness after all and reined in my "feeding" habits and I'm holding steady at the same weight in the meantime.

Hopefully it will all balance in the end, but for now I feel fat, gross, and fat. And no matter how many times I tell myself that it's not fat, it's baby, and no matter how many times SB tells me "But that's where the baby goes!" when I look disgustedly at my gut, I think I won't feel comfortable until the "real" baby bump appears.

I have been wondering for a while how I would approach this. And now the time is here and I am no closer to having a clue how I should say it. So I guess I should just come out with it already.

I'm knocked up.

The baby is due on Valentine's Day. I am 13 weeks along right now, and haven't had a stitch of morning sickness however have taken to going to bed at approximately 7pm since I'm exhausted.

Also, before you ask:
1) yes we planned it
2) yes we're pretty excited
3) yes we're very terrified
4) yes we will find out if it's a boy/girl
5) No, we won't name the baby after you
6) No, I won't suddenly start feeling comfortable around other people's babies
7) yes, I'm considering a nanny until that baby can hold its head up alone
8) yes, I'm already fat
9) no, you can't touch my belly.
10) NO REALLY - GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY BELLY


I'm not sure what else to say at this point.

Going by too quickly

Monday was a sad day here. Not only had Tess grown out of her baby puppy collar and had to move up to another one, she had also outgrown the loaner crate and we had to buy the big one already. And her puppy fur is starting to come out.

She is still exceeding all expectations I ever could have had. She is so quiet, and sweet, but twice a day has her playful times when she is fun and energetic. Simon still wants little-to-nothing to do with her, but Osha likes to check her out once in a while, which is adorable.

Milestone-wise, she now does "sit" on command (still working on "come" - she understands it, but I think she just doesn't feel like doing it sometimes). She comes to the vet clinic with me, and while the first few days she was a bit quiet and anxious, she is slowly coming out of her shell. Today we had our first trip to the dog park, and she loved it. She doesn't quite get the concept of play yet, and isn't sure if the other dogs are trying to kill her or not. But that will come. She only has enough energy to hang out there for 15-20 minutes at a time, though.

I'm sure next week she will bypass some other monumental stage and my heart will break a little more. But I do love her so much, and I love seeing SB getting to experience a puppy for the first time. He loved Charlie and Gabby very much, but there is nothing quite like raising a puppy - so far I think he's totally loving it.

The puppy has landed.

So, she's here, and all I can say is she is amazing. That is basically the only line that even comes close to describing her.

We decided to name her Tess. We had a friend whose dog's name was Tess, and we always loved it. Then she moved away and took Tess with her, so we felt it was up for grabs. My first choice name was not Tess, but in thinking about her personality during the first 24 hours, and also the physical presence she will have when full grown, Tess seemed to fit better.

So far, she has learned her name, "NO", and "come" (albeit she will only usually come to us when we are kneeling down. We're working on it.) She has also mastered going up the first and third flights of stairs. Because our stairs have open risers, I think it freaks her out that on the second flight she is looking out into the street when climbing.
Potty wise, today is the first day she hasn't had an accident, but I have been pretty diligent with taking her out at key times. She is pretty lazy, so doesn't get excited to go out like most dogs do when you pick up the leash. This makes me think it may take her a while to actually ASK to go out.

Simon is becoming more and more tolerant. He hasn't hissed at her today, which is a start, and he always positions himself in such a way that he can observe her. Each day he observes from closer and closer. I hope they will be playing soon.

That's the update - she is the smartest, sweetest puppy we probably could have chosen. I feel so in love with her it's crazy, and the only way to describe her is amazing.

Puppy preparations Fail

The puppy is coming home on Thursday. Aside from getting a crate for her (we have borrowed a small one for now, then will buy a bigger one when she needs it) and deciding on our feeding plan (the breeder feeds them RAW, which we weren't altogether convinced would work for us), we haven't really prepared ourselves. It's slightly terrifying, but mostly exciting.

Today I am busying myself making a training treat pouch, because I have about 800 yards of damask fabric from our wedding decorations and figured the pouch will come in handy. Hopefully it works out. We haven't bought any new toys. We still have tons of toys, and I figure not all dogs like the same stuff and I don't feel like wasting money on things she won't play with, right?

We have decided not to continue feeding her RAW food, but we will be very paying very close attention to her diet, feeding her very specific calories/fat/protein/calcium foods, and watching her growth. The issue with giant breed dogs is that they tend to have joint and skeletal issues, sometimes caused by genetics (both her parents rate very well!) and sometimes caused by a too rapid growth rate as a puppy. If they put on too much bulk before their bones have fully developed, it causes major stress on the bones and joints, leading to big problems. We don't want any big problems, so we'll keep a close eye.

I have been trying to mentally prepare Simon - I think he's going to love having a puppy around, once he gets used to the fact that he has to share space with another fuzzy creature. He is constantly trying to playfight with Osha, who is far too old for those kinds of shinanigans, and I think it causes a certain level of frustration for Simon. A playful puppy may be just what the doctor ordered!

Some sad, and then some happy

The week that Charlie died, we had been making plans to visit a dog breeder to get a puppy. It has been just over a year since Gabby passed away, and I really felt like Charlie was not my dog. It's not that I didn't love him; I did, no matter how much I maligned his presence in our home and talked about when he was going to finally croak. It's the fact that he was SB's dog. Much like Gabby was more mine, Charlie loved SB fiercely. But me, not so much. I was okay playing second fiddle when I had my Gabby girl around, but when she was gone it wasn't the same - and my heart ached to have that back.

Then Charlie died, and I thought SB might not be able to handle a new puppy. It made me sad. It was like a double loss for me. But we talked it over, and since we had been so ready to move ahead anyway, we decided that now is the time.

So on Saturday we met with a breeder, and also got to meet four fuzzy little nuggets of amazing goodness, one of which is going to be ours. We met the mom and dad dog (I think they call them the "bitch" and the "ho" or something like that) and they are both beautiful and healthy well into their fourth years, which is great.

Here is a little photo of one of the pups. I'm sorry I don't have any really good ones, but I was so entranced by the puppy breath that I forgot to take any photos at all - this is one the breeder sent to me.


We haven't picked a name for our puppy yet, but she will be a girl. And she will be coming home around June 10th, I think. I will keep you updated, and am warning you right now to brace yourselves for WAY more puppy pictures and stories than you ever thought imaginable.

I am a jinx

So, I guess I spoke too soon about the whole health situation.

Unfortunately last Friday we had to make the decision to let our dear Woodgie go. It was tough, and of course happened on Friday night, when I returned from the CLOSED vet clinic. SB had found the Woodge in extreme respiratory distress for the second time in a week, and the meds were not kicking in. He was working so hard to get air into his lungs, which were crowded and swollen with fluid. We waited over an hour and nothing happened with the meds, which usually kick in within 20 minutes.

I called our wonderfully fabulous vet on her cell phone, and she talked me through all the stuff I was struggling with. In turn I discussed everything objectively with SB and we decided it was time. Our vet met us at the clinic, which was dark and quiet, and the whole thing was very peaceful and serene. I can't express how thankful I am to have our vet, and I also feel very settled about the whole situation. When he finally passed it was obvious to us that it was time. I will spare you all the details that showed me we had made the right choice, but even just seeing him so still, finally done struggling and fighting to keep his heart pumping at all, I just knew it was right.

Our house feels very empty without a dog in it. The cats are great, but they aren't dogs (okay, so Simon is almost a dog, but not quite). And surprisingly Simon has been acting very, very strangely, almost as though he misses the dog that tried to eat him on at least 10 separate occasions that we know of.

I share with you what I think is my very favorite photo of The Woodge. I didn't go through all the photos we have of him, and I'm sure it's not even the best one. But when I think of him fondly, this is what I see.

Week #2-ish

We got back from NB last week, and have been go-go-go ever since. This week I'm doing walks for three days, then in the clinic to days, but by the end of this week I should be officially detached from the old business and moving on. It feels slightly surreal, especially since I continually find myself looking for my blackberry.

In the past two weeks we have had two separate first meetings with two different babies, and I am proud to say that my title as Baby Whisperer stands. Those babies dig me. At one point our friend said "see, you like babies!" and I said "I like quiet, and if I can make them quiet, then I win." I think I may have a bumper sticker made.

For those of you keeping track of pet health in our house, The Woodge is not dead yet, and his condition seems pretty stable. He will eat/not eat randomly, and seem distressed/totally fine as well.

Week #1

So, it's nearly the end of the first week post-business. I will be in a car for the better part of this weekend for another fantastic whirlwind trip to NB. Goodness I hate car trips more than I thought possible. Anyhoo, thought I should give you an update on how life is going so far.

It's great. I've been doing some work at home, and doing a few more hours at my vet clinic job. I really am loving that so far, and I feel really lucky that the timing worked out for that. Last night the most adorable puppy came in and we got to play with him. I had to resist the urge to grab him and hightail it outta there.

The new business owner seems to be settling in nicely. I have barely heard from her, which I take to mean she is getting along just fine. At least I hope so. I hope she isn't just scared to ask me questions.

We're going to NB for Eric's niece's christening. I have no idea what this entails exactly, but I do know that I will have to enter a church, so if you don't hear from me, it's possible I spontaneously burst into flames when I walked through the door. It will be our first time meeting her, so that's pretty exciting, and extra exciting that she is 7 months old now, so I'm pretty sure she can hold up her head and stuff. Yay.

The Big Thing

Alright, so everything is official now, which means I can safely spill the beans without putting any bad karma out into the universe and jinxing everything.

We have officially sold our business. It took us a while to decide, then took a while longer to get organized, and actually took barely any time at all to find our perfect buyer. She's great, and is much more business-minded than I am, so I think she will be much better suited to growing the business than I was.

I am actually having a lot of mixed feelings. I feel happy - we are gaining so much freedom to travel, or hang out, or whatever without worrying and planning and organizing.

I also feel sad. I would have 100 pets if I could, and owning this business kind of allowed me to do that. I took a lot of joy from the dogs and cats I saw every day. They helped me through some pretty tough moments, brought my blood pressure down when I was stressed. So that will be hard, leaving them. I know they don't care who walks them, or visits them, as long as someone shows up but I always like to think they love me as much as I love them. I will helping out during a transitional period, but will be outta there by the end of May. And who knows how much helping she will actually need me for.

And then begins a very big year for me. I'll be working part time at a vet's clinic and getting started on what will hopefully be my permanent vocation, writing. Finally. It's exciting and terrifying all at once. I have some goals, and have taken a workshop to get me back into it. I may take another one in the fall, we'll see. I am feeling inspired, and also a bit overwhelmed. There are so many possibilities to succeed, but also so many to fail. I guess all I can do is get to work and see where it takes me.

Babies

And of course the day after I posted about Big A we received a card from our friends in Winnipeg with their baby Chloe on it. And holy eff if she isn't the cutest thing too. So I guess there really CAN be more than one baby that I find quite darling. And in real life she has actually liked me reasonably well also. Maybe I am not just a cat whisperer, but a baby whisperer also! I think I may make a fantastic Auntie after all.

I can't think of anything else to say right now because my mind is a little too full, but I'll be back on the weekend with some big announcements!

The End is Nigh

So, not to jinx the BIG THING, but it should be happening this Friday. I am all at once terrified, elated, anxious, ecstatic, nervous and certain. As soon as the paperwork is done I will post an official announcement, but for now, I'm just trying to keep on truckin', as they say, and my hands have been totally mangled by my nervous gnawing.

Last weekend we visited our friends and their baby, Big A. I have to say, if ever I decided to abduct a baby I think it would be him. He really is the sweetest little one I've ever met. And we all know what a big fan of babies that I am. When we visit, he appears to be completely obsessed with both of us (SB's glasses, my hair, I think) and will just stare at us. Plus I can always make him laugh, and you know what a ham I am.

So, still nothing official for you, but a quick update, and I will be back, hopefully with good news, on the weekend!

sort of an update

Wow, okay, so it's been a while. Quick roundup.

It's been a pretty rough month for me. Due to many many external factors combined with the perfect storm of chemical imbalances in my head, I had a minor mental breakdown about three weeks ago. As much as I kid about my craziness, this wasn't funny, and it wasn't pleasant for anyone here at our house, and it was exacerbated by the fact that our shitty healthcare system in Quebec makes it next to impossible to seek urgent care for psychological issues.

Long story short, I'm feeling quite a bit better. I'm still not sleeping properly, but the days are better, so there's that.

We still don't have a puppy, and the next Big Thing has still not happened yet.

So I guess it's not much of an update, but we're doing okay and just thought everyone should know that.

The Thoughts. How do you control them? *****

I can't sleep. I can't pinpoint a specific problem, there just seems to be a whole mess of stuff clunking around in there lately. I spend the whole day with the thoughts, and work myself into a lather, then I spend the whole evening trying to keep myself from blurting them out willynilly to SB and driving him batshit crazy too. Because do we really need that? So for the last few weeks my sleep patterns have been sporadic at best.

Sleepytime is the worst. The thoughts are racing. And I know, I know "make a list before you go to sleep, so you can forget about them and move on". But the problem isn't that I think I will forget about these issues. It's that they won't go away!

It doesn't seem to be bothering anyone else in the house - all my boys, furry and not-so furry are snoring away happily. However I'm sure I'm much moodier than normal during daytime hours. My usual insomnia routine has me hopping out of bed after a good 90 minute try, watching some TV or reading then heading back in 30 minutes or so. For the past two weeks I've been just lying there until I fall asleep, which hasn't been such a hot idea, so tonight I gave in and got up to read some blogs and write a post here for myself.

It's really a crying shame because sleeping is one of the very few things in life that I know I generally excel at and which I also shamelessly enjoy.

****title of the post is one of my very favorite Karl Pilkington lines from the Ricky Gervais Podcasts.

Oh, ya....

I know, I know, two posts in one day - I'm such an attention whore. But I was running and thought of something that I had been meaning to blog about.

I cannot for the life of me figure out who the hell is in charge of choosing theme music for sporting events. It was something that I realized really bothered me last week while watching the Super Bowl, and then we went to a hockey game on Wednesday and it came up again. SB doesn't seem to understand my outrage, but let me set the scene for you.

Super Bowl. A commercial comes on for the NFL draft - they ran several throughout the night. I don't know any of the players, but they were apparently showing pretty key guys during their moment of their NFL draft year. Putting on the jersey for the first time, shaking hands with the owners, blah blah blah. And what song are they playing?

Wake Up, by the Arcade Fire.

Think about it for a second.

Does it seem strange to you that they are celebrating and promoting a very pivotal moment in an athlete's career, the moment where all the hard work and dedication and all that jazz culminates in earning them that shot at the dream, that they are celebrating all this with a song about being emotionally beaten down as a child and growing up mal-adjusted. Huh.

Next scene:

Habs game.

The visiting team skates out to boos and the like. Then to bring the Habs players out two young kids (maybe 10-13 yrs old, I can't be sure because, kids, who needs 'em?) take the ice (which has been darkened and there are swirling spotlights) and what song are they playing to get everyone pumped up?

Fix You, by Coldplay.

Yes, let's get this party started with a song about dealing with a loved one trapped in the clutches of a dangerous depression.

Does it really take so much effort to LISTEN to the lyrics, to see what the song actually says? Stop being so lazy sports marketing people!!!!

Because, seriously, at the hockey game I got goosebumps, but not for the right reasons.

Still waiting

Still nothing happening on the next Big Thing. I know it's very tedious that I keep mentioning it and then not going into details, but I just really dislike fielding questions about stuff when I can't control when they happen. So, you'll get to know when it happens, and until then, I get to whine about how it's not happening fast enough.

In other news, I was ecstatic to find out that Wolf Parade is doing a mini-tour in April, so we scooped up some tickets to the show in Quebec City on April 1st (we better not show up to a fake concert - I am not a big fan of April Fool's day). I'm not super stoked that we have to go to Quebec City to see them (they are from Montreal, so the only thing I can imagine is that all the good venues were already booked on the dates they needed....otherwise it's just annoying). But we're going to take the opportunity to spend the night, then check out Old Quebec the following day, which I think we've only done together once, and only for like half an afternoon.

I think it will be a fun little mini-trip, and I could never express how excited I am to see them live again. I feel like one new album every two years is just NOT enough!!! I'm hoping that since the new CD is not out yet that this means this tour is a test run of new stuff, and that they will do a big tour in the late summer/fall. Fingers crossed! Two shows in a year would be amazing!

Waiting for the next big thing

Back from vacation means we're back down to business. There are big things happening here, big things. Big things I can't talk about yet. Or won't allow myself to talk about, at least until it's confirmed. It may or may not be what you think it is. If you know me at all, you know it's not that thing, but the other thing.

So, just waiting. Feels like a lot of time wasting, and lately I have been pretty preoccupied with time, and how quickly it passes. And the things I take for granted, and the things I don't take advantage of. And the things that fill up my time that have no value to me - things I can't control, obligations I wish I could shake off.

We both want to make the most of our time, doing things we love. For a long time our life has been about what we HAVE to do, but we are realizing that living life that way, it's not a life. So, we have some goals, and we have some deadlines, and we're on our way.

More to come soon, hopefully.

Back to reality.

So, we're back from vacation. Been back for about a week now. It's sad. So, so, so sad.

I wasn't able to let go of thinking about work while we were there. I cheated a few times and checked the emails just to be sure things seemed to be going smoothly. I can't wait until I don't have to do that anymore. Because aside from that, I was able to completely disconnect from everything else in life (even FARMVILLE!!!!) and just spend time with SB.

The resort was fantastic, we couldn't have asked or hoped for more. We were ridiculously spoiled, and had nice surprises from the staff. SB got to do some active watersports stuff - I tried to get into the Hobie Cat thing for his sake, but was way too nervous. He didn't mind taking it out alone, and also did some waterskiing too. We went snorkeling together, which was amazing. So many cute fish to see!

Now, back to reality, it doesn't seem fair that just over a week ago I was eating dinner with my feet in the sand and the ocean just a few yards away in the moonlight. It's like it never even happened, like it was just a dream. At least we have photographic proof!

vacation countdown and organizational madness

5 days until vacation. Which means I am now obsessively checking weather reports (it's not looking great, folks) while alternating with obsessively making lists. And it seems like these lists never get shorter.

The most stressful thing, as it is on any given day of my life, is the work situation. Trying to be sure everything is in place and ready for the girls so they have a stress-free week (or as stress-free as possible), which involves heavily coaching our clients to get their acts together and make things as uncomplicated as possible.

But this time, we have the added fun factor that The Woodge is basically half croaked, so SB's brother may come home to a dead dog at any moment. What's happening is that he is in congestive heart failure. This is surprising to me because I didn't think he had a heart, then come to find out it's about three times regulation size. He's taking three different drugs which seemed to have regulated his breathing a bit, and he's back to eating his normal meal, so that's good, but the vet gives him 4-8 months. Now, I'm not sure if we're doing the right thing by medicating him, or if it would be better to put him down, but we both have a whole lot on our plates at the moment, and medicine is easy to administer (albeit not CHEAP, by any means) so that's what we've decided to do for now. Hopefully he will be okay while we're gone, because I would feel horrible if Ren had to go through that. Even though we're expecting it to happen, I know he would feel pretty poopy about it.

And as if all that weren't enough to worry about, today I have to go for a wax. Ugh. Vacation is killing me.

an unresolved resolution?

I have been avoiding the requisite "It's a new year, and this year will be different" post. I rarely make resolutions, and this year is no exception. I just can't. It seems so artificial.

That being said, one of our clients has given me an idea that I quite like. She makes lists, on Post-It notes, and sticks them to her fridge. Lists of things she wants to have. Things she wants to do. Places she wants to see. And because they are on her fridge, she sees them every day (I'm assuming. Unless she doesn't eat or drink.) And as she gets things, or sees things, or does things she crosses them off her lists. Some items are completely materialistic and frivolous, and some are really meaningful experiences - a whole mishmash.

It seems so simple. I have tons of lists of stuff that I want to have or do that are knocking around in my mushy brain. But I love the idea of having that visual every day, and I also love the idea of crossing stuff off, and seeing all the things I've achieved, and also all the items I have been lucky enough to receive. I think it would not only help me feel a sense of worth, but also increase the gratitude I feel to others for sharing their worth with me.

So I want to get on that. But it's not a resolution, really.

Back. Now with less anger.

The holiday is officially over. Yes, New Year's is this week, but that is the holiday that SB and I actually get to celebrate since all the girls are back in town and there are less cats to be visited anyway. So, now we get a few days of repose after a few days of craziness and several weeks of anxiety-laden planning.

As usual, SB and I thoroughly spoiled each other. For him: a new Ultra-Zoom compact digital camera that also shoots HD video. This is because every single time he uses our Canon Elph (nothing against Canon, the new camera is a Canon too) he curses and swears and curses some more so I did some research and I think the replacement is fabulous. A very nice compliment to our DSLR, which is not the handiest thing to bring to concerts and such.

For me: a Kitchenaid stand mixer. I have wanted one of these for many many many years, and when SB witnessed the near meltdown of our wee handmixer at Thanksgiving (literally, I'm pretty sure I smelled some smoke coming off of it) when I made cheesecake, he was inspired to procure me one of these bad boys. I am excited to use it, but at the moment the pantry is a bit bare so I'll pick up some ingredients tomorrow to make some treats.

We also got many many many games for the Wii, which is fun! Except that SB has been playing Call of Duty all day, and while I *think* he's having fun, he seems to swear at the TV a lot more than I do when I'm having fun.

And finally, we used some of our gift cards from the wedding, along with Xmas money from my mom and grandfather to hitch ourselves to the HD bandwagon. We are now the proud owners of a gigantical HD TV which fits absolutely perfectly in the nook of our TV stand/bookshelf unit, so I know it was meant to be. So far the TV itself is pretty great, but what is really blowing my mind is the HD PVR that we sprung for to go along with it.

It's really an embarrassment of riches - we are so very, very lucky. And aside from all the material things we indulge in at this time of year, while we don't get to celebrate the holiday with our family and friends, they all love us very much, and we love them.

venting. apology in advance.

I am a people pleaser. I feel bad when I can't make someone happy. I love to give gifts.

This is one of the many reasons why my particular line of work is sooooo bad for me. Almost daily I receive comments via phone message, email, and text about how amazing I am, my employees are. How thankful people are to have us there for them, to relieve their stress of having to be away from their pets, either because they are working in the case of the dogs we walk, or have to be out of town in the case of the cats. I love these emails - they make me feel good. (and they also make me feel like leaving this business would cause serious strife for a lot of people, but that is a whole other matter entirely).

However, a few times a year I get the "I am absolutely infuriated" email. Some people are legitimately infuriated - we did something wrong. I feel bad, whoever did it feels bad (could be me, or one of the girls, we all make errors sometimes), we do what we can to make it right. Some people are just complaining because they like to complain, or because they're cheap and they know we'll offer them some kind of compensation. Whatever, I usually play along, make it better, and they get happy again and love us again, and it's all okay.

But then about once a year, oddly enough usually close to the holiday season (hmmm, correlation here), they are not only "absolutely infuriated" but they are impossible to please. I feel like if no one has maliciously lashed out at them, human error is human error - we made a mistake, we for sure didn't do it on purpose, we're sorry, and we want to make up for it. But these people take it as some sort of personal offense that we made a mistake. And it's never over anything big. We have never killed a cat by accident. No one's home has ever been broken into because we did something dumb.

My personal favorite thing is when they fall just short of calling me a liar. That is my very favorite thing ever. Yes, I have nothing better to do with my life than to make up stories to try to cover up something that is NO BIG DEAL. AT ALL. (yes, I am yelling these things to myself.)

I don't want to give too many details about specifics, because, well, it's the internet after all. All I will say is that one of my girls made an error, and I take it as a personal offense when someone can't accept her apology, AND my apology, and a gesture to work it out, and be happy with it. Because, just let it be known that when we do something wrong, we own up to it, we apologize, we try to make it right. But we are human, and things do go wrong sometimes. And not realizing that makes you a moron, and I predict a very lonely and very unhappy life ahead of you.

And also, thank you so much for ruining my day, a day in which I was told three times how fantastic I am and how lucky my clients are to have me and my team. Huh.

**the previous post was brought to you by the fact that I need to vent, and that while I would totally love to argue with this now ex-client (because I will never accept her business again) until she realizes she is an idiot, it is not worth my energy. But I am still stewing over it, so had to get it out. sorry.

Osha goes to the vet

Hahahahaha - bet you thought you wouldn't see me for a while, didn't you?!

I thought I owed an update to anyone who is still paying attention as to B'Goshie's* health.

Brought him to the vet tonight - he was NOT pleased to go in the car. He was yowling and yowling and yowling in his little carrier. But when I put on some Killers and starting singing along, he quit it (he actually loves a little Dustland Fairytale).

They put us in the exam room to wait for the vet and Osha was allowed to roam freely. He got on his Goshy Big Eyes and was really into checking everything out. I was a little worried because he was barely sniffling at all, so I thought the vet wouldn't get a real sense of his symptoms.

SB arrived for some moral support, then the vet came in shortly after. She commented on how soft Osha is (duh!), how young he seems compared to how old we were told he is (16-19, we aren't really exactly sure), how great his teeth look for any kitty age (we epically fail at taking care of dog teeth, but kitties seem to be no problem for us), how hard it was to hear his heart because of all the purring. We chatted about his symptoms while she felt him over, all the while he's purring and staring at her adoringly. Then she pulled out the thermometer.

Simon is NOT a fan of the thermometer - the last time he was at the vet (which was an obscenely long time ago, and we'll bring him for a checkup in the New Year, I think, since he's ten now and we should start paying attention so we can keep him around FOREVER) I thought he was going to rip the vet's arm off when she poked him with that thing. So, when the vet pulled the thermometer out tonight, I was preparing myself to grab Osha, who bites me when I brush him.

This is not what happened. Not at all. He started purring EVEN LOUDER. It was ridiculous. He is a ridiculous cat. I will not be surprised if someone tries to steal him from us at some point because he is just toooooo much.

Anyway, so she does all of this, and we tell her his symptoms, and we decide to try an antibiotic. She isn't sure it's an infection, but from what we describe it sounds like it could be. We're wrapping up the visit, and she puts Osha on the floor so she can see the raccoon walk he does because he has some arthritis. I could hear the rattle in his nose/throat as soon as his feet hit the floor. He had for sure been holding it all in trying to impress the vet. Within about two seconds he sneezed out two giant loogies (seriously, they were the size of quarters, and his nostrils are NOT that big). He sneezed a bit more on his face which he promptly licked up (gross) and the vet determined that, yes, indeed, this must be an infection and the antibiotics should be fine.

Now comes the fun part: pilling him twice a day for two weeks. Ugh.

* Osha, as he is commonly known, has about 100 nicknames. Among them: Oshie. Big Osha. B'Goshie (pronounce b'GO-shee), Oshalicious, Go-sha, B'Goshus, Oshus, Cookie Monster, The Wee One.

Finale

So, that's it then. NaBloPoMo is done. Have we learned anything people? Anyone? Anyone?

I have not been completely forthcoming this month - I have a lot of stuff going on right now, but not the time nor the energy to get into it. Some big things, some little things. Not the least of which is the health of our wee one, Osha, who periodically becomes congested and gets kitty boogers but who tonight was feeling so rotten that he wouldn't even partake in Cookie Time, which has me quite quite concerned. Luckily he has a vet appointment tomorrow evening, so I'm just hoping he can not die until then. Ok, thanks, bye.

Obviously there is more on my mind then that, but sometimes we hold onto the little things to make the big things seem not quite so bad.

NaBloPoMo has been a nice diversion - trying to think of some kind of tidbit to share each day, and putting at least a little thought and effort into trying to make it even a little funny or witty. Some days are easier than others, but thus is life, I guess.

This week I am covering for one of our vacationing employees - I thought it would be a fun week, but after the first day I'm already exhausted. I remember when we first took over this business I had a conversation with the owner of another, similar company to ours. At one point she said to me "do you ever feel if you ever saw another dog you might just kick it?". I remember being a little shocked, and thinking that I couldn't imagine ever feeling that way. And even though I don't feel like kicking anything, I now think I know what she meant by it.

Sunday mish-mash - only one day to go!

Big big week coming up.

1. The last day of NaBloPoMo is TOMORROW!!! Gaaack - I know you'll miss me!

2. doing a lot of walking this week since one of our girls is on vacation. I had been kinda looking forward to it, and then Friday was my first day of it and it did NOT go well. It wasn't a disaster or anything, but it was just really exhausting and I'm over it.

3. taking Osha to the vet on Tuesday - he periodically gets congested and sneezy, and we usually give him some baby Benedryl and it clears up in a couple of days, but this time there appears to be no end in sight. Not to gross you out, but tonight he sneezed out a booger/snot mass bigger than I've ever seen come out of a human. So, we'll head to the vet and see what she can do for us.

4. Countdown to vacation is at 50 days!

5. Tonight is Amazing Race and Dexter. When did Sunday become my favorite TV night? I'm not sure, but it is! Dexter was so friggin' good last week I can't wait to see what happens tonight.

I'm glad NaBloPoMo is done tomorrow - not because I haven't enjoyed writing. It's actually been much easier and more enjoyable than the last time I did it. But this week is going to busy and exhausting and I know odds are I would have forgotten to post at some point. That would suck, so I'm glad tomorrow is my last official posting day. But I think I will be around a lot more than I used to be.

Death by exercise

SB tried to kill me today. It was a kindhearted kind of murder plot, though, in which all he really wanted to do was spend time with me doing something that is good for us. We went for a run.

This is itself would not be unusual. I have been known to run a few times a week pretty regularly. Sure for the last month or so I have been concentrating less on running and more on not throwing myself off the Champlain bridge, but before that I was getting out there pretty regularly.

SB wanted to go for a run, and I didn't really want to, but I did want to spend time with him, so thought it would be a good thing that we should do. Then he said "let's go run on the mountain". Which made me even less excited because when I run, I'm pretty particular about The Conditions, and The Conditions do not include severe inclines. Nope. The Conditions also don't include 5 degree temperature, but this is something I've been wanting to conquer, so that was less of an issue.

So, he corrals me into the car and we drive to the mountain. Stretching is required as part of The Conditions and I'm really glad that I stuck to my guns on that one. So, we got going.

The incline was not fun. Not as bad as I had imagined, but not fun.

The Conditions also mandate that I run between 20-30 minutes, depending on my pace. Running slower, I'll stretch it out to 30. Running at "race pace" (who am I kidding, I have never been in a race, but I know what pace I would like to run if I were in one) then I stick to less time, especially since I haven't been running at all lately. We were running well below race pace, so at around the 15 minute mark I started asking when SB expected we would turn this boat around and hightail it back to the bottom.

SB seemed to be in denial of The Conditions. He said "we'll just go to the top". Then when we got to the top, he wanted to keep going, probably to frolic around the lake that's up there. I had to put my foot down. I said "No, I'm turning around." "Oh, are you tired?" "I was ready to turn around ten minutes ago when I clearly said 'let's turn around.'"

So, we turned around.

We ran 6km in 45 minutes - not a great pace, but good for a long slow run. My hips are killing me. My lungs did not fail me at all, which I'm pretty pleased about. And even better, SB did not succeed in killing me off.

This time.

Meh

Phoning it in slightly today because I'm exhausted and can barely keep my eyes open. I spent the day in the rain with puppies, and it was pretty miserable for everyone. Especially when I got a parking ticket while dropping some of the dogs off. Grrrr.

SB helped brighten my day by bringing home beer and Frites Alors, so we're tucking in to watch Benjamin Button. I'm not excited that next week one of our employees is on vacation, so I will be walking all day every day. I will be spending my weekend mentally preparing for that, so tonight I need to just rest up.

The Woodge avoids The Badness

When I got up this morning it was evident that Woodgie's camel hump probably wouldn't make it the weekend without exploding. I called our vet's office, and they couldn't take us today, then I called their associated vet's office - the conversation:

"I would like an appointment today for my dog"

"sorry we don't have any openings today, is it an emergency?"

"He has a sebaceous cyst that I'm pretty sure is fixing to explode.."

"oh dear, hold on one second"

So they fit us in, and when the vet initially felt the lump, he was sure it wasn't a cyst, but a mass, because a cyst is liquidy, not hard. But he poked it with a needle to check what was in there exactly and all I have to say is ew. Ew ew ew ew ew. Ew a million times. It was a cyst, but just really really really full.

Woodgie was a VERY good boy, barely noticed the guy poking FIVE needles into him to drain out all the fluid. We had the vet check out a bunch of other stuff, obviously, since we were there and Woodgie isn't exactly what you would call a late model. He has a heart murmur, and also a cyst in his eye that partially covers his pupil - this was, in fact, so interesting that the vet had to pull out a textbook to compare it to, and had another vet come in and take a look just for kicks.

Since Woodgie is about 800 years old, there isn't much we can do about all these problems. Or, rather, there aren't many things we are willing to do. Surgeries and weird medications and weird therapies, that's not us, especially not at this age. But we'll keep an eye on him for some of the symptoms the vet has mentioned to us. He's calling it a palliative approach. Knowing Woodgie he'll be fine for another 6 years.

Late night excitement (not what you are thinking)

Last night, right after I posted my blog post and made a cup of tea, we started hearing a bunch of sirens outside. Whatever. But after about ten minutes and a few more intervals of sirens, we were getting a little annoyed. SB got ready to walk the Woodge and said he would investigate. As they were leaving out the front door I peeked out our back patio and could see over the top of the buildings a glow, and also drifting ash from a fire.

A FIRE!!! In our very own little neighborhood!

It was crazy! As soon as I saw this I threw on my coat and went out too to check out the action. There were a whole bunch of fire trucks, and also police cars "controlling traffic" (major fail there, for some reason they would park their cars to block the road, but people would still drive right up to them thinking they could get around, and for some other reason they wouldn't get out of the cop cars to direct the traffic so it was getting a bit nuts).

The fire was the equivalent of 3-4 blocks away, and in a building that is the newest part of the development, and which isn't finished being built yet (fishy!).

My timeline of thought:

1) that sucks for the people who have bought units in that building! Now they will have to wait for them to start almost all over when they were almost done building!

2) Maybe they didn't sell enough units so the building "accidentally" caught on fire.

3) Holy heck we have a client that lives in the building that backs onto this one - I hope she was home and got her cat out.

So as we walk along to see if we can check out what's going on (couldn't get a good view since obviously you couldn't get too close and the location of the building didn't allow good viewing angles) I am calling our client to see if she was home (she had been!) if she got her cat out (she had him with her!) and if she needed a cat carrier to bring him wherever she had to go for the night (she had one!). Their building wasn't damaged at all though, but they were evacuated as a precaution.

No one was hurt in the fire, but apparently someone heard an explosion and then the fire flared up. SKETCHY!!! I'm glad that everyone was safe, and I can't wait to hear the whole story about what happened. It was a very exciting pre-bedtime!

Stuff

I almost forgot to post! Because I'm exhausted! And I'm watching Hoarders!

There are two shows on A&E that terrify me. Hoarders and Obsessed. They don't terrify me because they are showing crazy depictions of extreme behaviors. They terrify me because I see some of those tendencies in myself. Since I'm watching Hoarders right now, we'll go with that one.

I am not sure when I started to "save" and "collect" things, but I know I did it throughout my childhood and adolescence. Not to the point of not being able to walk through my room due to 8 foot tall piles of newspapers, but my mother can attest to the fact that she and my grandfather have been dealing with the aftermath of my hoarding for the almost 13 years since I moved away from home. There are boxes upon boxes of toys, books, collectibles, etc etc etc. I have no idea what is even in there. And looking back I'm pretty much 85% sure that about 90% of the stuff in there can be tossed. But I won't allow it to be thrown away until I get time to go through it. And I still think, even knowing that most of it is trash, if anyone threw it all away one day that it would hurt my heart.

Luckily I have SB - he keeps me in check where we live now. And in my old age I have become much, much, much less sentimental, and so I don't tend to keep all the weird things I used to (for about a year I made a "scrapbook" of my favorite hockey teams wherein I cut out the standings, game highlights, and any articles about them and pasted them in a hilroy. I am 99% sure those are in some of those boxes at Papa's house). And the only thing I collect now are first edition books - there could be far worse things than that!

I still have this insatiable need for stuff. Shopping, buying things, getting free things - all kinds of stuff. But I am better at realizing when all the stuff that is around me isn't useful and needs to go. It doesn't stop me from surrounding myself with different stuff, but at least it doesn't build up.

And I know for effin' sure that if SB wasn't around I would DEFINITELY have 20 cats. And a baby Bernese Mountain Dog.

Honeymoon

I'm exhausted and out of ideas for today. I had a fantastic dinner out with friends, and after a pretty busy work day I'm out of ideas.

I don't think I've talked about our official honeymoon, which is coming up very very soon. Because our wedding was in September, and we really really really wanted a beach relax honeymoon, which isn't really a good idea in September because of hurricanes, we booked our honeymoon for January. Little did I know that the waiting time of FOUR MONTHS in between would be tortuous, but it makes me even more glad that we headed to Vegas for our Mini Moon because holy heck can you imagine if we hadn't?

So, we're going to St. Lucia, and staying at a Sandals. I'm pretty stoked to check out an all-inclusive that has a great menu, beautiful rooms, and 24 hour room service. And I'm also super excited about the fact that I'm pretty sure our Blackberries won't work there, so we won't have a choice but to turn them off. For the first time in....4 years. Oh, yes, it will be fantastic.

Maybe some gangster dialogue will spice things up

Another super quiet Sunday. I had done most of my bills and schedules yesterday while SB was at an alumni event, so today I tried to relax. I finished up my knitting project, then washed it out. Once it's dry I'll steam block it. So exciting, I know, but when you finish a project it kind just looks like a weird thing all the wrong size - the edges roll up and it always looks too short. I can't wait to see it all done, yo.

Busy week coming up - I have two days of relative quiet on Wednesday and Thursday which I am already looking forward to. I had meant to get the Woodgie to the vet before our holiday crunch time began - he has a weird lypoma or cyst-type thing on his back that he's had for a while, but it suddenly tripled in size. I'm not too worried about it being harmful or deadly or anything, but if it's anything like the one on his neck, I wouldn't mind getting it drained and have him on some antibiotics before The Badness happens again. But now it looks like we won't get a chance until the new year. Fingers crossed it stays contained until then dawg.

Just watched the Curb Your Enthusiasm finale, and gearing up for Dexter at 10. Woohoo, our Sundays are off the chain.

Word.

Gifting

I spent the day at home today doing work and knitting. I haven't done very much knitting since the spring - I don't find I really feel like it when the weather is nice. It just feels wrong. But now I'm finishing up a project I had been working on to give as a Christmas gift.

I am slightly torn about the giving of a handmade gift. I know that I love it, and I know that to me it's definitely a better gift than if we went out and bought a similar item in a store and gave that. But I'm not sure if everyone values a handmade thing the same way. And that doesn't even begin to address the issue of taste, because no matter how much someone appreciates the effort and the thought, all of that may not matter if they think the item is the fugliest thing they have ever seen. So we will see if the gift will come with an accompanying small item. Or maybe I just worry too much about pleasing people. Which is probably the case, but whatever.

Anyway, only one other item to discuss today - I just caught Charlie trying to make friends with Simon. I am not even kidding. He was all raised tail and elephant ears, while Simon had a look on his face like WTF? Why are you not trying to fit my whole head in your mouth right now? I think this is a sign that Charlie needs a puppy to.

Fast food "literature"

It's the weekend!!!!

Aren't you glad you only have one more week that you have to endure of this??? (actually 10 days, but I was trying to make you feel better).

Last Friday, Oprah featured an interview with Stephanie Meyer. I was excited to see the interview. I do not read those books, I do not watch those movies, I am not a fan of vampires in any way shape or form. BUT I am a fan of writers who are making a living at writing, and I want to hear what they have to say about it.

So, I tuned in. And then I barfed. And then I promptly jumped off my balcony and died.

I have been letting it settle for a week, because I was feeling physical hatred towards this woman last week, and I figured that was probably a bit strong.

I was hoping to hear about how she had always wanted to write, always written short stories, poems, the like, always wished she had the time to just do it. Kind of a la JK Rowling (whom I also do not read nor particularly like, but whose story I find fascinating and inspiring). But no, this is not what I heard at all. Not even a little bit. No, she had a dream, and then she wrote it down, and then she sold it. The end.

I realize that talent is something you have or don't have, and all that jazz. But speaking as someone trying to get myself going into this field, and having gone to school to learn how to hone my skills, to think critically not just creatively, and to beat a dead horse until it's fresh, this is extremely counter-intuitive, and also feels like she's telling anyone who is struggling at this, working at this, and putting in a great deal of effort that it's all been a waste of time.

Again, having NEVER read her work (nor am I planning to) I have had several people tell me it's the concept, not the writing, that has sold, and, to quote my friend Sarah "she doesn't know her ass from her elbow and writes on a level basically equivalent to a sixth grader" (paraphrased a bit at the end there). It is very discouraging that this is the kind of writing that makes millions of dollars for the author. This is the kind of writing that sells.

Then the question becomes, do you stay true to the artist in you who knows what they want to create, or do you sell out and write the easy crap that people appear to want to read so you can cash in?

Obviously I know the answer, but I'm also thinking that I could probably think of a clever pen name to fill out some financing in the meantime.

NaBloPoMo Random part II

I saw a baby Bernese Mountain Dog today, walking down the sidewalk with his owner. He was so fuzzy and roly-poly that when she got him to sit at the curb he almost fell right over. ~sigh~

In other news, man yesterday really kicked my ass. Every muscle in my body is killing me. I don't know what I was doing wrong, but I better figure it out because our employee is going on vacation starting next Friday, and she will be gone for a week. If I can't make it through one day without feeling like an 80 year old, how will I last a week? Yikes!

Is anybody watching Survivor this year? It's freaking insane, first of all because of Russell being ridiculously devious and awesome, but mostly because of Shambo's hair. Are you kidding me?

And it just gets bigger and bigger by the week. Maybe instead of cutting my hair off I should get a perm and a bandana....Hmmmm.