Rotten

Today was a rotten day. For many many many reasons.

It was long. It was a long, long day and usually when I have a busy day of work like today it goes by quickly. Not so today.

The dogs were not nice. First off, my dog was not nice. I took a chance and brought him on a group walk even though I feared he may bite the face off another dog. He didn't, he had fun. He romped. And then when I dropped him at home so I could finish my day, he wouldn't stop barking. Usually when I leave the house he will bark for about 10 seconds, then stop, but today he would not. And I understand that he knew that he was missing something, but, Dude, you miss it every day. And today you got to partake in it for an hour. So shut it.

Then the afternoon group dogs were not nice. Actually, only one of them was not nice. But I expected it. He's a puller, which means he just basically tries to pull you all over. I already have a very sore arm from lord knows what, but I woke up last Thursday and felt like someone tried to pull my arm out of the socket. Then kicked it. Anyway, I used a cross-body leash since I knew this dog was a puller and it saved my arm for sure, but he did whip me a few times quite roughly and now I have a sore back. Not too sore, but just sore enough. The other dogs made me want to eat them up they are so adorable. And I forgot my camera, by the way.

Also, when I parked my car at the mountain I parked behind a car that had its keys hanging out of the trunk's lock. So I put a note and took the keys, and she happened to call when I was in the middle of my pickups and drop offs for the next group. Then my brain fell out of my head and I forgot to pick up one of the dogs on my way to the mountain to drop the keys to her, so I had to backtrack quite a way adding even more time to the day.

Then to top it all off I had my last visits with a diabetic cat that we have cared for many times over the last few years, but now his parents are moving. I wish that was the end of the story, but not only are they moving, but they have decided that the best thing to do would be to have the cat euthanized rather than moving him with them or finding him a new home. Yes, he's old, yes he's very, very sick, and yes it probably really makes sense. But my heart can't take visiting a kitty and cuddling him and loving him and knowing that in two weeks they are going to kill him. It sucks.

So, after my bath and half a bottle of wine, I was very happy that SB had brought home some Portuguese chicken. But after dinner, what does he pull out? (dirty minds, dirty...enough of that!)

A SNICKERS!!!! And since I didn't have time to eat lunch today, I ate it and I didn't care, and I was glad that there was one thing today that made me happy. And happy that it came from him.

extremely random

I have a very very busy day tomorrow. Not looking forward to it at all. Well, kind of am, because I will see loads of dogs I haven't seen in a long time, but I'm also very very tired lately, so not too excited about a 9-10 hour day.

I gave The Woodge a sort-of bath today. He hated it. Was terrified. But he smelled bad so it was necessary. He was super happy after his bath, though, and I was too, seeing as how I didn't lose a limb in the process. He was, in fact, so happy that he kept looking at me adoringly, so then I would crouch down to pet him and then he would plant a giant smooch on his face. Apparently he couldn't stand the stink of himself either. Now if only I could figure out how to pressure wash his mouth.

Also, before the wedding, I had gel nails applied. They looked nice, and I have been semi-keeping them up (every 2-3 weeks is pretty excessive, so I was doing 3-4 weeks) but now I've decided I'll leave them to grow out. They aren't adding anything to my life. I need a haircut more than I need stupid nails. So, it's back to Hands that Appear to Have Been Mangled by a Woodchipper for me.

That's all for today. I think I will try to take some photos tomorrow one my walks because I have a feeling I won't be full of ideas when I get home tomorrow night.

Don't you want somebody to love?

It's late, and I haven't posted yet. And I'm craving a Snickers bar. Oh dear.

My mother emailed me this morning to let me know that the receptionist at her doctor's office (where I used to also visit until I moved away), who is also a breeder of Bernese Mountain dogs, has pups going out right now, and will have another litter available in the spring.

TORTURE!!!

For anyone who is unaware, I am slightly obsessed with these dogs, and have long held that they would be the next breed of dog we had in our home. How could anyone resist this:

(as a side note even my friend Sam who hates all creatures can recognize these dogs in a crowd and actually thinks they are cute because they look like they're wearing legwarmers)

I think some people might be a bit surprised that I would go to a breeder rather than adopt a shelter dog, and to be honest I would love to do both. But I feel like for our lifestyle and home situation, it's very important to get the right dog and make it as easy as possible to mesh it with our lives. Our place is not big, and we don't have a yard. We also have three other pets who already live here, and a routine that we like. While a puppy would definitely be a big change to that routine, I want the puppy to feel happy and balanced with what we can offer her.

All that to say, we kind of have to have an idea of what we're going to get. And, yes, every single dog is different even within breeds, but when odds are if you choose a breed that is known for being lazy (as Berners are) you are going to get a quieter dog who doesn't need to run 5 miles every day. If we adopted a mutt rescue puppy, they generally come as "shepherd mixes" "lab mixes" or "border collie mixes" - regardless of what they are mixed with, those are all very active dogs, and you get a lab x shepherd, you could end up with a crazy 100 lb dog in a condo, and then no one ends up happy.

So at this point I would like the odds to be with us. My top dog choices are the Berners and the dachshund - at completely separate ends of the size scale. But my heart is with the Berner. We'll see how long it is before I can finally convince SB. I mentioned that to my mom this morning, and said she would have been better off letting him know about the pups that are available than torturing me with them.

Contributing to my social phobia

So, here we are, halfway through November! Can you believe I've been married almost two months? Can you believe I'm going on vacation in almost two months? Can you believe you're still reading the mundane details of my life daily???

But, I actually have a quasi-interesting topic today, so that's kind of exciting, right?

Last night we went for dinner at our friends' place. It was us, them, and one other couple who we have never met before.

Now, I'm all for meeting new people (not really, right?) so I put on my big girl pants, and was ready to be social and pleasant while in the company of strangers. The hosts are great friends, we don't see them nearly often enough, and they are moving away in January so I really wanted to have a nice evening and not make them regret inviting us.

I am stressing the point here that I was in the complete right frame of mind for meeting strangers. I hadn't had a horrible day, I wasn't mad at SB or any of our employees for anything. I was happy, and ready to keep it up.

But, it was too bad because the guy portion of this couple was one of those Overbearing Argumentative Chatty Cathy people. Now, any one of these three traits generally gets my back up. Overbearing: please stop interrupting me with your loud voice. I have things to say, and talking over me is not nice. Chatty Cathy: once everyone has yielded the "conversation" to you, please do the same for us at some point. Anytime now. Maybe you need a second to breathe.

But the absolute worst thing is Argumentative. Especially when you're with strangers. And I don't mean opinionated, that's different. Everyone should have opinions. But you shouldn't follow those up with a ten minute monologue about why everyone else's opinion is wrong. Because that's just rude.

There are certain things I believe can be debated in polite company, sure. But taste is not one of these things. For example, I happen to like Russell Brand and think he's funny. That is a matter of taste. If you didn't agree with me, the correct response would be "huh, really? I don't really get him." The wrong response would be "You've got to be kidding me! He's terrible. The worst! He has to be the worst comedian on the planet.." etc etc etc, effectively trying to convince me that I must be wrong, I must NOT like him.

And what was even more annoying was that his wife was a very very sweet woman, and I feel like I barely got to know anything about her because he just wouldn't SHUT UP. I think she's probably very interesting.

Anyway, I'm pretty proud of myself for keeping a pretty positive attitude. I do have my limits though, like at one point when that guy said something about why having a pet is a ridiculous concept, and this was after we had talked about a) the cat who belonged to the host, who was wandering around the whole night, b) our pets, and c) our pet sitting business. But as I looked past him, I saw SB giving me The Jim, so I DID NOT reach across and slam that guy's face into his salmon.

Christmas is dead. Part IV

So, another year, another holiday season is looming before us.

This is the time of year when everyone else gathers with their families to celebrate the holidays, doing whatever they all do each year. At first I resented missing out on those things. But now I realize I just miss the option of choosing those activities. Whether I want to drive 10 hours or not, hauling dogs and cats and too much luggage and too many gifts, we don't have the choice. Would I be just as happy to choose, say, travelling over the holidays to a beach, or spending Christmas in Rome? Probably. But I can't choose those things either. And maybe I would be even happier just hanging out in our condo with our own dog and cats, holed up for three days drinking hot chocolate, opening gifts, eating too much, sitting in front of the fire place. Yup, that would probably make me happy too.

But we don't have those choices anymore. For the last three years (this year will be our fourth), we get up on Christmas morning, usually before the sun comes up. We visit about a kabillion cats during the day, usually taking a break for a meal (one year my mom visited and made us a turkey while we were out scooping poop and shoving pills down cats' throats. It was awesome. But usually we stop at one of the delis and either have a club sandwich or smoked meat.) We get home after dark. The end.

I would complain more, and hate it more, except for one thing. I know that every Christmas that we own this business I get to spend the whole day with SB, just the two of us. And we usually have a great time. So as much as I hate it, I really do love it.

FAIL

One of my favorite blogs is FAIL Blog, cousin to LOL Cats. Generally at least once a day they post either photos, videos, news articles featuring various FAILS that are going on in the world. Here are some of my faves:

Local news weather:

http://failblog.org/2009/11/13/geography-fail-4/

Man on the street:

http://failblog.org/2009/11/13/fashion-fail-5/

They've been doing a lot of this type of thing lately, and I love it:

http://failblog.org/2009/11/11/suggestion-fail/

My personal favorite of the week:

http://failblog.org/2009/11/10/wireless-network-fail/

If you use an RSS reader, I would highly recommend subscribing to this feed - I usually read it while I'm having my coffee, and have, more than once, found myself almost spitting all over the laptop. I also love sending the link to SB to brighten his day a bit. And if you do read it, what have your faves been?

Married

Not a whole lot going on today, but I DID make spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. I've just recently started making this dish, and neither SB nor myself can figure out why the heck it's taken so long for me to try this.

Anyway, my second favorite thing about spaghetti and meatballs, aside from how yummy they are, is that every time I make them SB makes about 400 jokes about how much he loves BALLS. He loves BALLS in his MOUTH. MMMMMMM BALLS.

It never gets old.

The Wedding Gown, Part II

There is a lot of stress about choosing the correct dress. My priorities before trying on anything:

• comfortable - not necessarily sweatpants comfy, but enough that you feel yourself, and not self-conscious the whole day.
• budget - I was a wedding budget Nazi - it is one of the things I am the most proud of, so it was really important to me to stick to it. We will say budget was X going into the process.
• different - I really didn't want something that looked same-old same-old. I also didn't want something totally out there. I wanted classic, but with details people would remember.

Things I knew I DID NOT WANT -

• lace.
• a tulle skirt that looked like a tutu
• pick-ups on the skirt

You would think this left things pretty wide open, but we learned quickly in the first store that I was very discerning - looking at the dresses on the hangers the consultant would say "what about this?" and I could no or yes within seconds. She loved my decisiveness, I think, and when I told her how long we'd been engaged she understood it too.

After trying on the first round of gowns I had discovered:

• sweetheart necklines look great on me but I wasn't going to feel comfortable in strapless
• I wanted a long train
• had to have buttons up the back - no lace-ups
  
• had to have beading
• ideally wanted a v-neck front and a v-back.

We found my dress by accident. It was hanging, and the first thing we saw was the pleating of the train. I thought it was interesting, but was a bit afraid of it too. Too much pleating could be bad. It also didn't have a pricetag on it since it had just arrived in the store. I agreed to try it on. Some photos of what it would have looked like on the hanger:

When I put it on, I instantly loved how it felt - even though it was two sizes too small. The train was just long enough, and when we pulled up the back to see what it would look like bustled, I almost started to cry. I knew it was it, and then I had to ask the price.

Because it had no tag, the consultant had to call the owner to find out where to find the price. She came back with X + 50%. Great. One and a half times my budget. I asked her if she thought they would be able to work out a better price, and she said she thought so, probably at least to X + 35%. Still not great for me.

As I said yesterday, we visited some other salons after this, and at one I saw The Dress and asked what their price would be. They came back with X + 30%. When I returned to the original shop, I tried on The Dress and two others, just to be sure, and there was no question. But budget-wise I was crying on the inside. There was no way I could justify it. No.

When I had the dress on again, we started talking about the price - the consultant could tell I was serious, and called up the owner of the salon to facilitate the negotiations. She started off with the first price she had quoted, and I told her the other shop had offered better, but still not great. After a few back and forths, we settled on X + 6% taxes in, plus they included a loaner crinolin, veil, and headpiece if I so chose.

This made me happy enough, but then 6 months later when it came time for a fitting I checked out the sample while they brought up my gown. The price tag: X x 2. Two times my original budget!!! If it had had a tag the day I tried them on, I wouldn't even have pulled it off the hanger. I'm so glad I did.

But probably the best part about my gown was SB's reaction. When I stepped into the room, and started walking towards him, I could see he had tears in his eyes. And after he shook my grandfathers hand, and we stood waiting for the music to stop, he leaned to me and said "You look so beautiful - I would have paid twice the price." And I knew I had picked a winner.

The Wedding Gown, Part I

Because SB turned out to be a hyper-conventional groom, I wasn't allowed to tell him anything about The Dress before the wedding. Except the price, of course, since we only have communal cash here at our house. He was actually so serious about knowing NO details about it that when I once had a nightmare that it arrived in champagne he plugged his fingers in his ears and said "la la la la la" because he didn't even want to know what color it WASN'T. So, I wasn't allowed to write about The Dress either. Because he might read about it, and then we would have to light it on fire and start from scratch.

My dress shopping experience can be summed up in 3 words - efficient, efficient, efficient. Wedding dresses are tricky things, because in most cases it is the first time you have ever shopped for one, so how can you know what it will look like on you? But it helps to know the vocabulary to be able to describe the ideas you have of what you may like. Plus, I had been looking at photos of designer dresses in magazines for so long, that I knew a lot of details that I absolutely did not want.

I worked on vibe a lot. My first time out, we visited three places. First one was great, but none of the dresses were IT. Second one (which is one of the most popular in town) had a weird smell, was extremely cramped, and there were no consultants to help us. I put one dress over my head, and before we even stepped out of the dressing room I said "I hate this place, and there is no way I'm buying a dress here" so we left. The third place was beautiful, the consultant was friendly, helpful, but not a busybody hovering over us. I found the dress there. But couldn't accept that within two hours it was done.

The second time out I visited a high-end salon - it was nice, but the consultant seemed extremely condescending, and the dresses were just alright. I tried on two, but only to humor her. The second place had a website that said they were open until nine that night, but when we arrived at 7 the lady was closing up. I saw "My Dress" on a mannequin in the front, and asked her how much it would be. She gave me a price, and we left. We went back to the original store where I had seen it, I tried it on for my friends, they all loved it, and then the price negotiating began.

Tomorrow, The Dress itself!!!

Ellen on Oprah

Today on Oprah her guest was Ellen Degeneres. Usually I can take her or leave her - I don't watch her talk show anymore as the novelty has kinda worn off, but I do think I would like her on American Idol so may give that a go when it comes back on.

The thing that made the biggest impression on me was the portion of the show where they interviewed Ellen and her wife, Portia de Rossi.

On the one hand, they are adorable. They gush over each other. They almost went so far as to say they complete each other. They showed film from their wedding, and I was tearing up because it was so beautiful, and they both had the stupid silly grin that I know I had on my wedding day.

On the other hand I remember what seems like not so long ago when Ellen had a similar relationship with Anne Heche, and I wonder if she really learned anything from that experience. They gushed, they swooned, and that ended so, so, so badly. And the whole thing in the public eye with lots of scrutiny and disdainful messiness.

And then on a third hand (or foot, or other appendage) you have to applaud them for taking the opportunity to flaunt their beautiful, beautiful marriage in the faces of the hateful, hateful people of California who voted against legalizing gay marriage permanently.

So, basically, the episode left me smiling like a fool, cringing anxiously, and shaking my fist at California. Did you see it?

snorefest

I almost forgot about NaBloPoMo today! Not that I spent the day in a fury of activity or anything, but for some reason lounging on the sofa in my pj's until 3pm just didn't say to my brain "hey, it's time to write a blog post!"

Last night I kicked three boys' asses at Guitar Hero, even after several glasses of wine. Then this morning SB made me a fantastic omelet breakfast. I'm not sure a weekend at home could get much better than that!

Now I've settled in for Amazing Race and Dexter night - I probably should have run this weekend at some point, but meh.

Sorry so boring - I guess that's Sundays for ya!

Purged

So, wow, that movie killed us. For the last half hour I was a mess. If you haven't seen the movie, then you may not want to read this post.

The first point where I lost it was when Marley had trouble on the stairs. For the last probably two years of Gabby's life mobility was an on-again/off-again struggle. Some days it was no problem, other days she required a lot of help. I didn't mind, but I could tell she did.

After that, when he took her on the trail through the field, and they sat sitting at the sun - reminded me of bringing Gabby on the mountain trail with the group. She would trudge along at her own pace, sometimes falling out of view behind us, and I can't remember if I ever just sat with her at the top. I can't remember if I ever congratulated her for making it up there.

One part of the movie that outraged me was when he left Marley alone overnight at the vet for observation. I never could have left Gabby alone, sick, in a strange place. Never. Maybe I'm strange. But it wouldn't have happened. I also never could have just said goodbye to her in the back of a car, then let someone else take her away. Never.

So, overall it was just cry, cry, cry. But it also made me want a puppy really badly. I know we have The Woodge, but he is not mine. He doesn't love me the way Gabby did. He doesn't seem to need me, or want to please me. I miss that.

Purging

it's a grey, grey day. No rain, just greyness. Fall is the only season where this is acceptable, for some reason.

I picked up some movies at Blockbuster - it's cheaper to buy their pre-owned DVDs than to rent new ones, and since SB and I are horribly behind in our movie watching it doesn't really matter to us.

I grabbed Ghost Town - lately I have been obsessed with Ricky Gervais, and I had heard great things about this movie. Hopefully it's at least a little bit good, and Tea Leoni is in it so SB will be happy.

I also picked up Marley and Me. We've been avoiding this movie. It came out on DVD right around the time we lost Gabby, and we just weren't ready. I'm still not sure we are, but what better day than a chilly, grey day in fall to let some of that out?

Thankful

Simon is ridiculously cuddly today. He has been following me everywhere and meowing/chatting at me, and whenever I am on the sofa he snuggles up beside me. It was hard to get motivated to go do my walks today, and even harder to get going to meet a friend for dinner since it was soooo cold outside and Simon is so warm and squishy. But, I got up and at 'em and am glad. I don't see my friends enough.

Since we don't get to see each other often, and our group of friends isn't all together nearly enough, we got to talking about the value of our friendships. Each of us has had down times, and grumpy times, and problems and then everyone has there happiness and celebrations too. I feel so so lucky to have such a great group of girls in my life who listen to me when I'm having a tough go of it, who offer their advice when they can, their hands when I need help, their hearts when mine feels disconnected. And I feel lucky to be able to return the favor for them, because I love them like my family.

So, that's all, tonight my heart is full and I feel very grateful. For my friends and my squishy kitty cat.

Viva Las Vegas!

For our mini-honeymoon, SB and I jetted off to Las Vegas for 4 days of mayhem in Sin City. Every single person that we spoke to before heading off said "Vegas is fun - for about 3-4 days, after that it gets to be a bit much." We were please, then, since we had only booked for 4 days, really just a getaway to relax after wedding craziness.

I don't know how other people "do" Vegas, but obviously not the right way because holy heck if I don't want to move there. We had such a fantastic time, I would go back in a heartbeat. So, my mini travelguide to Vegas.

- Don't spend a ton on your hotel - just make sure you stay somewhere on the strip. We stayed at the MGM Grand - one of the older hotels, rooms are slightly dated but clean. You don't spend a ton of time in your room, so you just want to be sure it's somewhere you won't catch bedbugs and that doesn't stink of mold.

- Do research the pool - we spent the WHOLE DAY by the pool, as we are wont to do, and we were very please that our hotel had a fantastic pool area, with sunshine all day long. In contrast, right across the street at New York New York the pool area was tiny and shaded all day. Boooo. You need to be a guest at the hotel to get into the pool area for free, so be sure you are staying at a hotel with a pool you will want to hang out at.

- Do relax in the daytime. ie plan on hanging out by the pool, doing shopping, visiting spas...whatever you consider relaxing, fill your days with that. Don't try to pack the daytime with too much shuffling about because it gets wicked hot, so you will tire yourself out pretty quickly if you are outside in it too long.

- Do explore at night - the Strip is pretty amazing, and night time is the time to really take it all in, all lit up and flashy. We checked out most of the casinos from the outside, and a couple from the inside, just by wandering up and down the Strip. The sidewalks are much, much more narrow than I thought though, so as much as I was up for seeing the sights I did find the crowds very annoying.

- Do hit some buffets. We read a lot about the Bellagio buffet, so we had to check it out. It was amazing - Under $30 per person and dudes, there was Kobe beef prime rib. And a sushi bar. And duck a l'orange. And quail. It was ridiculous. The buffet at our hotel wasn't half bad, either, and we were able to pay a "whole day" price, which gave us a discount for eating our breakfast, lunch, and dinner there. And it was yummy, not bland or gross like I expected.

I could go on and on about all the activities we did, but these are the best tips I came away with. We were there at the end of September, and the weather was absolutely amazing. Hot and sunny all day, relatively cool at night. And there is something about the low humidity that just made me sooooo happy all the time. Except when it cause our bodies to shrink and SB's wedding ring fell off in the casino, but that's a whole other story.

Wanting

Lately I have been feeling guilty about all the things that I want.

I realize that I am a very very lucky person. I have someone I love, I have a fantastic home that I love, I have three little furry babies who I love and who make me smile every single day. But every day I find something else that I want. I become convinced that it will add value to our lives, that we need it. But lately I have been trying to evaluate where this sense of need comes from.

I think it's natural to want things, and I think it's healthy to have goals, and to want to surround yourself with things you love. But what is excessive? And what is normal? And is normal really normal, or is it just us imitating what seems "average" and has "average" become out of control?

In my case, I think I am trying to find a balance. There are so many things in my life that make me very very happy, but there is one giant thing that makes me seriously unhappy. I think I'm trying to drown it. I'm trying to say, "well, I can live with it, but only if I have...." Like I'm trying to fill up all the time I spend unhappy with things. In the past two months, I have felt so much happiness, and I want to keep it going, because I really loved feeling full from happiness instead of half-full from buying stuff.

I don't want to talk too much about the Giant Happiness Sucker, but I will say that now I am focusing on how to change it. It's much slower than I'd hoped - what I had dreamed would be done by November is now looking more like February or March. And while I can't possibly express how that saddens and disappoints me, I can say that I am trying to think only about how happy I will be if it happens.

The Questions

Obviously after we graduated from University The Questions started about when we would be getting hitched.

Then when we finally got engaged, The Questions became incessant (admittedly we asked for those ones), and we deferred them by saying we would get married after we bought a place.

Then The Questions became "did you find a place yet?". When we finally bought our condo, The Questions reverted to "so when is the big day going to be?"

Well, the Big Day has come and gone. We are officially hitched, and it's great. But now The Questions have become "so when are you going to have kids?"

I realize this is the conventional order of things. But in keeping with my attitude of resenting questions about my life, please stop asking this question. Because, if you know me at all, you know:

1. babies terrify the bejeesus out of me - I can feel it deep in my soul that if left to my own devices I would break a baby. And probably not just in two, but I would probably shatter it.
2. I don't like things that talk back, and I do like quiet. I like to share my space with dogs, cats, and SB because they are all relatively complacent to my particularities.
3. Babies are so self-centered.
4. TLC's a Baby Story. 'Nuff said about that one.
5. My life is messed up enough, so I don't think it's fair to force that upon more humans than necessary, especially helpless ones that can't exactly run away until they are like 15, which is way too late. ****

So, please, please stop asking when we're going to have a baby. We have a lot of things to do in this life already, like working, and traveling, and spoiling Simon and Gang. We are certainly not in the mindset to add more chaos to all that.


****when my mother asked me The Question, this was my response. She said I was too cynical. Maybe. But this isn't something I'm willing to talk myself into.

NaBloPoMo Day 1

Today is my favorite day of the year. Not because it's the first day of NaBloPoMo. Not because it's the first day of November. No, it's my favorite day because it's the day the clocks roll back, and we magically get an extra hour. There are not a whole lot of things that I love more than waking up at 10:30 only to realize it's only 9:30.

How do I spend this day?

First I finished up my schedules and work crapola. I will still have to get the stuff together for the girls later, but the bulk is finished.

Then, I watched a whole lot of detective TV on the Mystery channel, until SB had had enough and changed it to football.

THEN I hunkered in and watched some streaming tv shows on the internet (more detective shows, and then some Mad Men)

The best longest day ever.

This week I have been fighting off some sort of illness - not the dreaded flu, I don't think, but my sinuses have been full and I had a little bit of a fever for two days. So, it's nice to have the day to relax, get a little rest in, and hopefully fight this thing away.

Sorry this is so boring. Boring days = boring posts. This may be a VERY long month for anyone who decides to read each day. Sorry.

NaBloPoMo 2.0

Nothing has been going on. Literally. Or at least that's what it feels like. Compared to all the craziness of planning the wedding, this past month has been pretty quiet. It's a strange feeling, and I feel like I'm growing lazy in this lull. I don't want to do anything, and nothing is really on a deadline, so I end up not getting anything done.

What I have been doing a lot of is thinking. The mind is a dangerous place, folks. Spend too much time in there, and it begins to fill up with all these....ideas. And you think they are good at first, until you get working on them and oh, dear, then you're up to your eyeballs in unfinished projects.

One idea that has been bouncing around in there lately that I actually think is NOT a waste of time is NaBloPoMo. Some of you who have been following this blog for a while know I did NaBloPoMo about three years ago, I think. It was fun, more challenging then I thought, and actually pretty inspiring. So, as I'm trying to re-focus on what I WANT to do instead of what I have been doing, which is what I feel I HAVE to do, this seemed like the perfect place to start.

So, starting Nov 1st, it's on. One post each day, including weekends, for the entire month of November. I have about a week and a half to gather some ideas before it gets started.

10 things you hear about weddings - T/F

1. the day flies by too fast - TRUE! - I got up at 8:30 and before I knew it it was 3am and time for bed. From hair appointment, to lunch, to makeup, to getting dressed to ceremony to dinner to dancing, the only part that felt like it was dragging on was the 30 minutes between the time my mom and sister went downstairs to welcome people until the coordinator called to cue my grandfather and I to join them. This 30 minutes was useful since I think Papa was nervous and I got him to drink a glass of wine and tell the photographer a few stories to loosen up a bit.

2. You won't get to eat - FALSE! - we ponied up for a fantastic menu and I was determined to enjoy it. I did, however, learn quickly not to leave my seat until I was done with my plate after my salad was removed while I was gone saying hi to a table of friends. After that I didn't leave my plate without specific instructions to someone to keep an eye on it and not let anyone take it away.

3. People will be upset if you don't follow "the rules" - FALSE! - we had no official cake cutting, no garter toss, no bouquet toss and our entrance song was "Swagga' Like Us" and people couldn't stop raving about what a fantastic time they had.

4. You won't even notice when small details go wrong - FALSE! - it bothers me that no one arranged my dress at during the ceremony (my fault - didn't assign the task), the ceremony didn't end up videotaped (Eric's fault - didn't assign the task), we didn't get to try the hors d'oeuvres (venue's fault, they sent up cheese and fruit instead), and the DJ effed up our first dance song and my mother/daughter song (DJ's fault and the reason why, even after a great night of partying, I didn't give him a tip). But, it just bothers me. It didn't ruin the day for me. There are soooo many other things that were either perfect or better than expected that I really can't dwell on those other things.

5. Your tasting will always be better than the food the day-of - FALSE!!! - the food was actually better than when we originally tasted it, which is incredible, impressive, and had me regretting my change from steak to chicken.

6. You won't feel like doin' it on your wedding night - TRUE!!! - my dress was heavy and I think I sweated off about 40 pounds. At the end of the night I just wanted a shower and some sleep. We did, however, finish off the cheese plate from before the reception and talked about the highlights of the day while they were still fresh.

7. Your photographer is invaluable - TRUE!!! - all our friends and families had their cameras, but we just saw the photogs photos and they were amazing. Also, we had them set up a photobooth and I think my favorite photos of the night are from there. Their photos are so great, I feel like I can relive the whole day just by flipping through them. And that's exactly how it should be.

8. You won't have time to socialize/have fun - FALSE!!! - we specifically invited less people so that we could enjoy time with every single guest, and still get our boogie on. I have a great memory with every single person who was there, and that's just how I wanted it.

9. No wedding is complete without the Chicken Dance/YMCA/etc - FALSE!! - the only remotely cliche song we played was "Celebrate" (good times, come on!) - our DJ thought we were weird because there was a lot of Puff Daddy, Notorious BIG, etc. Whatever, people were DANCING and that's all we wanted :)

10. You will feel different after becoming Mr and Mrs. - FALSE - I don't. I still love SB more than anything, I still love our life together, and I still love sharing every part of my life with him. The only thing that is different is the fact that we don't have to plan a giant party anymore. Until our first anniversary!

25 days

We are 25 days out and wedding fever has its hold on us (me). I feel like all I do is plan, think about planning, think about organizing the planning, and then thinking about paying for everything we've planned. Oddly enough, I don't spend much time worrying or stressing - I feel like after all this work, it's kind of a given that it will be a great time.

So then that will mean SB and I will be married. I don't think it will change much, after 11 years together, 10 years living together, and 4 years engaged. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. But, I know one thing that may have to change - his nickname! I can't very well go on calling him Sexy Boyfriend! And Sexy Husband just doesn't quite have the same ring to it....although its shortened form, SH, could also be short for ShitHead which is sometimes a suitable name for him.

What do you think his new nickname should be?

I haven't quite lost my mind yet.

After my minor 1 am meltdown, I am feeling much much better. Especially since my friend Sarah took the time to let me know that this kind of thing annoys her too. I love my interwebs friends.

Drowning

We are 5.5 weeks out from the wedding and my stress level is holding steady at "variable". I keep having mini-anxiety attacks about random things that are totally outside of my control, but on the other hand I'm just so darn excited that I don't really care at all. And I think it's weird that I'm starting to not care, because in the next moment I am incapacitated by GIANT anxiety attacks. All I can say at this point is the I'm pretty darn glad that in these last weeks SB seems to be stepping up his interest and is keeping us on track, as I believe I'm quickly losing steam.

I am also feeling a lot of regret lately that I have such a hard time keeping my trap shut about things. It is my own fault, and I apologize, but I have been getting super annoyed with all the questions about my business. Both my personal business and wedding planning related stuff and my ACTUAL business. I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want to talk about plans - when I know the plans, you will know the plans, but stop asking me about the plans. When I had the idea for the plans I was excited that I had an idea, but ideas don't just become actual things out of thin air, magically. I'm creative, but I'm not rich, and I'm not god, so quit fucking asking me about it and I'll let you know when I know.

Also, business-wise, we have been pondering some big changes, but please stop fucking asking me about them. I know I mentioned it once like 8 months ago, and that if it happens I will be pretty happy and it will be a pretty big change, but, please believe me, when it happens I will shout it from the rooftops. So quit fucking asking me about it.

Again, sorry to sound bristly, because I know it's really my fault for not being able to keep my mouth shut about silly things like HOPES and DREAMS, but really, when I am feeling pretty shitty about myself, and you keep asking me about all the things that make me feel shitty, well it just makes things worse. So please stop asking. Even though I'm sure you mean well. My hands are tied. And so are my feet. And I've been thrown in a river, so I don't really feel like talking about that particular thing right now.

Gifts

When SB and I visited Paris last May, we spent a while roaming around the Louvre. It was a hot day, and we had already been to the top of the Arc de Triomphe and had walked all the way down the Champs Elysees, past the Grand Palais and the Petit Palais, through Place de la Concorde, through the Jardins de Tuileries, only to end up at the Louvre for free entrance night. It was a lovely, lovely day, and would have been perfect but for my highly disappointing Merrell flats that gave me blisters all over.


Our evening at the Louvre was a timed event. We had a very limited amount of time to explore, a very diverse list of items to see, two feet nearing the status of "massacred" and a throng of enthusiastic tourists to maneuver through.

Obviously Eric's girlfriend La Jaconda was first on the list:
Then we hit up as much else as we could. I believe we were actually on the hunt for Venus de Milo, who was actually just alright, when we stumbled upon a most unexpected treasure.

This photo does not do her justice. Because when you first see her you are climbing a staircase, and she is placed in the middle of the landing, so it's like she's rising before you. I remember we both gasped. Her full name is Winged Victory of Samothrace, but they call her Nike. She is from Greece, and is over 2000 years old. They found her in pieces, many, many pieces, but they put her back together. She is strong, imperfect, bold, incomplete. I was so drawn to her, I didn't want to leave. I could have sat for hours admiring her.

For my birthday, SB gave me something extraordinary, without even really knowing. He found a foot tall reproduction of Nike. And while I know that she is special for both of us, since it was one of the most memorable, striking moments of our whole trip, I feel like it is so apt that when I am feeling so deconstructed and lost and broken that this is the gift he chose to give me.

Keeping on Keeping on

Thirty years and one week and things are still the same. But I think I am getting better at accepting the status quo. Either that or I've just been really busy.

Wedding planning is coming along swimmingly. While my mother was visiting recently I had my final dress fitting and am absolutely delighted with the whole thing. I feel like I will want to wear this dress once a week. I just love it so much.

We also finalized all of our honeymoon travel plans this week which is super exciting. I am starting to be more excited for our travels than for the wedding itself, mostly just because there is much less stress involved. SB had insisted we wait to book our flights for our January trip because Air Canada was having some union issues. We waited until he was comfortable, and lo and behold we saved $500! I'm so stoked!

This weekend we are heading to Burlington to see the Tragically Hip for the second time this summer. I'm really looking forward to it, not just for the concert, but to be going somewhere different and taking a weekend out of the city. I'm just hoping that for once the weather will cooperate.

On another year gone

Turning 30 is not doing much for my quality of life. In one way, the day-to-day way, I am completely indifferent. I don't feel 30, and I don't feel like "turning 30" is going to change anything in my daily life.

In another way, I feel heartbroken. Is this really what my life is? I feel so inadequate, so unaccomplished, and so useless. Like all this time has been wasted, and what's stopping me from wasting the next 30 years too?

I am happy to have people that I love, and who love me. I'm thankful for every single individual that I have met and what they have made me see in myself.

I am happy to have travelled, both alone and with SB. We have seen some pretty great things, and we plan on seeing many more as time allows.

I love my critters - even The Woodge - and am grateful that SB puts up with us. They make me smile every single day, and sometimes they make me laugh out loud.

But I am terrified to set goals anymore because I have failed so many times. I am tired of letting people down.

And on one hand I am desperate to get out of my day to day, doing a job that I shouldn't hate but that I do. And on the other hand I wonder why I can't just do the job and be happy. Billions of people do jobs that they hate, but they go home, and they make their life, and they are happy with it. Or they can sustain some kind of level of happiness. So is my job the problem, or is it just me? Which is it, and do I really want to find out? Because it's one thing to feel trapped in what you do but it's quite another to feel trapped in yourself.

I want to ignore this birthday. I want to ignore the passing of time. I want to ignore that I have fallen behind in so many ways and that I feel like I'll never catch up.

If these walls could talk

I have spent the last two days working on re-painting the bathroom from top to bottom. So far I have painted the ceiling and the trim, touched them up, and removed the tape. Also the walls are sanded and smoothed to the best of my abilities.

Note I said 'to the best of my abilities'.

The people who lived here before us were not handy people. This was evidenced on our first round of painting when we had to remove the gigantic wall anchors they used to hang EVERY SINGLE tiny picture in the whole apartment. Where a finishing nail would have been fine they used 1/2" plastic anchors which left 1/2" holes in the wall. Which then had to be patched, sanded, re-patched and resanded to even seem halfway smoothed out.

I learned three things from this:
1) if using an anchor, use the butterfly kind - the holes are much smaller.
2) or just use a finishing nail
3) the guy who lived here before us was a moron and I hate him.

In repainting the bathroom, I have discovered a whole new level of idiocy. Not only were there four more giant wall anchors in there, but at some point Mr. Fix-It did some spackling of his own to install a new light fixture, and also some super fantastic paint around the ceiling of the shower and toilet cubby. Result: FAIL!!!. There are ridges and chips all over the place. Sanding them down is impossible without stripping everything down to the gyprock. So, I've been sanding and patching and sanding and patching and cursing. The ceiling was the worst since I have to crane my neck in such a way that I feel I may pass out. I'm not even sure how the paint stayed up there when it was applied that thick, by the sheer will of gravity I would have thought it would have dripped off.

Because we have been tossing around the idea of a complete remodel in the next year or two I am more than hesitant to put in too much effort. Yes, I want it to look good, but I know that if I put in too much blood and sweat into it I will not feel like working quite so hard next time.

Tomorrow I will tape off to prime the walls, then paint, then a little caulking around the shower, then done. I have all fingers crossed that I will not find anymore handywork.

My short attention span, why I'm going straight to hell, and what's wrong with the youth today.

I get tired of things quickly.

That's a lie - I get tired of news stories quickly. Things happen every single second, but when something big happens, I get really really into it for about five minutes, and then very very annoyed when everyone keeps on it for another 5 days while I am so over it.

So, today, Michael Jackson died. My mother could attest to the fact that when I was four years old I was literally OBSESSED with him, but not 1983 him, I was obsessed with Little Michael, who was "Little Michael" many many years before I was four. But The Jackson 5's Greatest Hits was the first real tape that I owned, and I listened to it incessantly. I also vividly remember watching Thriller with my aunt and Uncle around the same time and not believing he was the same guy.

I had a Glove. I also had a pleather pant/jacket set.

So, back to today. He died. I haven't been a fan of his music for many many years. That is, I haven't liked his new stuff. I still like the old stuff. Anyway, so it was news, and then it was confirmed news, and now, four hours later, CNN just keep going ON and ON and ON. Really, enough already.

So, I'm watching Angels in America and drinking wine.

Also, I was on a discussion board before where people were insisting it was IMPOSSIBLE to explain to their children who Michael Jackson was because it was IMPOSSIBLE to point to any modern day celebs who could ever compare.

I not only beg to differ, but I outright protest this statement/inference. Because it is totally all relative. Our grandparents never thought anything could compare to the likes of Elvis, or the Beatles etc. Then came Madonna and MJ. And our grandparents thought they were crap and our parents disagreed. Now there is Justin and Britney, The Jonas Brothers, etc. The hype is still there. The only thing that remains to be seen is the staying power, and who will last. I think it is so ignorant to think that only YOUR generation has relevant musicians/artists/actors/writers. These things are fluid and evolve. I think the best thing to do is foster an appreciation in what came before, and not crap on what you don't get, or have the foresight to believe in.

I'm not saying that either JT or Britney are this generation's legacy, I'm just saying that we won't know for another 10-15 years. It could even be that slutty Cyrus girl.

I didn't plan on this much planning

We are in the thick of planning mode - I thought once we got the big things done it would be a piece of cake, except now it's all those little, silly things that we don't really care about but know we probably should put some effort into. It's kind of annoying, and I spend a lot of time googling and bookmarking. I fear I may soon break my google, that's how much I'm googling.

Last week we accomplished quite a bit, including booking our mini-honeymoon! We got a great deal, and we're going to VEGAS! Which in itself is extremly exciting, however I am starting to feel a bit of anxiety about how we are going to swing the wedding and all this travelling along with running the business.

After two years, we're finally starting to settle in.

In keeping with the "home improvement" theme, we made a few changes to our lighting situation over the weekend. SB switched out our dining room light fixture, and also put a dimmer switch in the bathroom.

Of course nothing is ever as easy as it should be - while the light fixture went up pretty much without incident, it was still pretty time consuming. So worth it, though, it looks fantastic and the light quality is much nicer. Before we had some harsh halogen lights, but now it feels so much warmer... I'm very happy with it, and also a bit surprised that the one living space in our house that is finally totally complete and updated is the one space we use the least. Oh well.

The bathroom dimmer was another story. SB has switched out many switches for dimmers, so it should have been a piece of cake, however the wiring in the switch box was a little muddled - there was already one light on a dimmer, plus the fan switch, plus the switch we were changing out. Since there were so many wires in there, I guess it was inevitable that something would get mixed up.

Anyway, at one point one switch turned on both lights, while the other one dimmed them, and also the electrical outlet (in a completely separate box) would only turn on when the switch was on. What should have been a 20 minute project turned into a three hour ordeal, during which I was relatively useless since I a)didn't see the dismantling of the wires, so had zero clue which belonged where and b) don't know anything about this kind of thing anyway. But, SB figured it all out in the end and now we have two dimmers in the bathroom. Hoping to switch out the light fixtures in there shortly as well.

All that to say, yesterday was pretty productive. Saturday we played tennis, and yesterday I was expectedly sore, but I am still sore today which is a bummer! Gaaah, and I thought I was taking it easy on Saturday, on purpose, to try and recover quickly. Oh well.

The bathroom I love to hate

Our bathroom has been seriously bothering me lately. Don't get me wrong - I love spending time in there, taking long baths while reading/watching TV/drinking copious amounts of wine/listening to the rock and the roll. However, our bathroom is inefficient and ugly, and it's making me crazy.

We have one of those gigantic triangle-shaped tubs. This is not necessary. All I need is a tub that is long enough that I don't have to bend my knees up, and deep enough that I'm covered by water. But our gigantic tub is much bigger than that, and takes up half the bathroom.

Our shower, on the other hand, is tiny. Just big enough for a person to fit in, and next to impossible to shave your legs in there unless you are part acrobat.

Then, there is our vanity, which is again, GIGANTIC and ugly. Beech colored wood cabinet, with an ugly faux finished looking laminate countertop. The counter is also much taller than it needs to be, which means we miss out on storage. There is also a GIGANTIC ugly mirror, that runs from the counter almost all the way to the ceiling, and spans the entire width of the vanity.

The tile in the bathroom is terra cotta, which means that our options for wall paint color are very limited. And I am NOT a fan of the mediterranean look, so painting the walls royal blue is NOT going to happen. Right now the walls are butter colored.

About the only thing that doesn't bother me about our bathroom is that our toilet has a little cubby-type area. Not closed in, mind you, but set back, between two walls. I like that.

So, I'm dying to redecorate. Even just a little bit. I'm thinking of removing the mirror and replacing with something littler, and painting. I've already torn out the god-awful wooden towel fixtures, and have chosen some steel ones that I like. But we need to paint before installing those. And we need to decide about a mirror before we can paint.

Right now I would kill to be able to afford to rip it all out, put in either ivory tile or slate grey, a narrow soaker tub, move the shower and make it bigger, put extra storage where the shower is, put in a white vanity, a new mirror, and paint the walls whatever color I want because the terra cotta would be gone.

But for now, what color would you paint the walls?

I always try to dream BIG

I had a dream that SB got me a Bernese Mountain Dog puppy for my birthday. I am turning 30, so it's a big one, which should call for a BIGTIME gift.... I'm not placing any bets on this one happening, but it would be the best gift ever. Even if we didn't get the pup right away - just the promise of the pup...

On another note, I am attempting to do this 30 Day Shred thing, and it's killing me. And I'm only on day 2. Of 30, in case you didn't catch that part. I'm already sick of Jillian Michaels and her squinty, squinty face. And also sick of my ass feeling like pulled taffy.

Jon and Kate

Anyone else feeling train-wreck syndrome when it comes to these two? I have always watched - even though I'm not partial to children I find that most of theirs are cute, and they do funny things. In seeing the two of them interacting you could tell that problems would eventually brew (I'm actually surprised they have lasted this long) and I'm kinda anxious to see if the whole thing was totally blown out of proportion for ratings reasons or if they have genuine problems.

The worst part about that whole thing is the whole reason I began watching was the kids, but now we are going to have to suffer through all this relationship stuff. Although I am interested to see how Jon reconciles his resentment for being in the spotlight with his wife's seemingly greedy and egomaniacal need to be famous.

Anyway, I'm watching the marathon that TLC has been running all weekend, and it's the episode where they got the puppies. I cried when the big mama dog was playing with the baby puppy at the breeder's.

So maybe you'll see more of me.

Hey there! ***waves*** I'm alive!

I don't know why I have such a hard time updating. Sometimes funny things happen, or sad things happen, or whatever, and in the moment I say "I should blog about that" but then I just update my facebook status and forget about it.

So, I am going to try to update here at least once a week. Even if there is NOTHING going on in my life. You will have to endure it. (or just not read, but pfft, like that's an option).

Let's begin, shall we?

Last Thursday was our 11th anniversary. I'm a bit bummed about it, because as of September, our count resets to 0, kinda. No one will ask how long we've been together, they will ask how long we've been married. However, I am pretty happy that our wedding day is different then our first dating anniversary, because that means TWO celebrations each year. Yay!

For our anniversary we celebrated by having dinner at the hotel where we are getting married. The restaurant is called Aix Cuisine du Terroir and it was AMAZING. They have a great prix fixe menu, and if it was BYOW I think I would beg to go once a week. For starters, SB had this smoked salmon concoction and I had bison tartar two ways (both ways were fanatastic). As mains, SB had a veal chop with blue cheese mashed potatoes and I had a sirloin topped with seared foie gras. It was so decadent and ridiculous. Then we had a nice cheese plate, and for dessert a skor tiramisu, which was a surprise for their menu, but super delicious. I have had to be extra good about food and exercise this week to make up for it, though!

This weekend we have a mad crazy schedule - tomorrow night I have a birthday dinner for my friend Christina, Saturday we have to attend a wake for SB's boss's father in law, Saturday night we have dinner to celebrate SB's brother birthday, and Sunday SB is helping his bestfriend move. Phewf. So, I'm extra glad that last weekend we got to spend loads of time together, just hanging out and shopping and MarioKarting.

Wedding planning is becoming a bit...stressful. I thought that if we got the big things taken care of that we would be able to relax a bit, but holy heck, all the little things are starting to make me crazy.

We still don't have a new puppy. Not that I'm in a hurry to get one, but people always ask me when they find out Gabby passed away. I'm not sure when we will both be ready - I feel like emotionally I would be ready now, but timing-wise probably not until at least next summer. SB isn't sure he will ever be ready. So we'll see.

That's all for now. **waves** See ya soon!

Feeling better, moving forward

Thanks to everyone who posted their condolences, both here and on facebook. If I forgot to thank you, I apologize, but your thoughts were really appreciated.

Our lives have settled into a new routine. Not much is different, because Gabby's routine was also Charlie's routine, and Charlie is still here. There are lots of little things that I miss, but every day is easier.

That being said, I still have a hard time looking at photos of her. So I soothe myself by watching videos of Bernese Mountain Dog puppies on youtube. It's boring as hell, but so effing cute.

Epitaph

Grief is big. It throws this blanket over everything and you could smother in it if you aren't tall enough.

I lost my dog this week. She died. We had to "Put her down". It was the "humane" thing to do. I was ready for it, had been preparing for years, but things are not so cut and dry as you wish they would be. Her life had become sad, mostly, with little moments of happiness. That's not a life, even though most of us live that every day. Life should be full of joy, especially when you are a dog and when things are going shitty you have no idea why.


Grief is full. A lot of people say they feel empty, but I feel full. I feel like at any moment my sorrow is going to burst me.

She would have been 15 next month. I have known her over half my life. We went to high school together, got two university degrees, endured many shitty schedules for many shitty jobs. She always looked to me like "what's next?" with a silly grin and lolling tongue. My favorite days were spent with her and SB curled up on the sofa. She tucked neatly behind my bent legs and would lay her chin on my hip.


Grief is joyful. Because thinking about the last few months of sadness and stress and patience, impatience, fear and frustration, I have been contrasting against all the years we had that were full of joy.

The older she got, the whiter her face. Her eyebrows became even more expressive, if that was possible, since you could really see them raise and lower in her interest and apathy. She did not have much apathy, until the end. She usually basked in any attention whatsoever, desperate for a pet or belly rub. Her favorite was ear scratches, and she would grunt and moan with her mouth cocked to the side in pleasure.
Grief is funny. Especially if you are me and you find humor in absurd and inappropriate things, even when you shouldn't.

When we brought Gabby to live with us at Bishop's, she had never lived with a boy, only girls. And girls are more docile, and more calm when they play with animals. The first thing SB wanted to do was wrestle with her, which he promptly did, which promptly terrified her and caused her to not eat for a week. She would take her toys or treats and hide them in the corner behind the bedroom door, pushing them in tight with her nose. This caused her to rub her nose against the carpet, making it burn and bleed. As she was relaxing from the sedative on Wednesday, I touched that spot on her nose, and it made me smile.
Grief is comforting. If we do not love, we do not feel loss in our hearts, where it counts. So to feel grief means you have loved big, and loved fully, and loved wholly.

She gave me a lot of happiness. I hope I did the same for her.

Bye Bye March

So, March is over, and technically I have one week of work hell left until our missing employee returns from New Zealand. However, I haven't heard from her at all, even though I emailed her yesterday to confirm she was in fact arriving back next Friday and would in fact be starting work the following Monday. I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't come back. I think I may shoot myself.

Not that things have been horrible. In fact, I think I have been far too busy and exhausted to spend any time wallowing in my own misery, and thus have been a much happier person overall. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm unhappy, it has just delayed my reaction to it a little. I can even procrastinate my malcontent.

The only thing that I'm looking forward to in the next year is our wedding, and of course our subsequent honeymoon. Wedding plans are moving along, and they have their own share of...uh...challenges, but we're getting there. We booked our honeymoon this week, and I am absolutely ecstatic. Nothing like an all-inclusive week in St. Lucia in January to keep you pushing through all the crap.

I'm not sure what I will do with myself when it's all done.

Guess what?!?

One of our employees found my iPod in ice on the mountain today!

CRAZY!

Okay, so we assume it's my iPod. It's silver, and 2 gigs, and the same generation as mine. But, seeing as how it has spent a month in a block of ice, the battery is dead and it won't turn on. SB says we shouldn't plug it in for a few days so we can try to dry it out and not fry it.

Holy heck, what are the odds?

If it works again, then karma is totally back on my side. If it doesn't work, then at least I know it is dead and gone and I can go ahead and invest in a new one and send the loaner my sister sent us back to her.

In other news, Gabby had another bout of paralysis this morning, except she was totally freaked out by it this time and it was really scary. Like, we were ready to pack her up for the "final" vet visit. Cut to two hours later when she was limping around like usual again. We are trying her on a new medication, so we'll see if that helps...Dealing with geriatrics is stressful!

Karma hates me

I just don't understand.

A month ago, I visited the Running Room and bought my mom a Nike+ iPod running thingy. It's a little apparatus that you put on your shoe, and it sends signals to your iPod about how far you've run, etc. While I was at the store I also got some socks, some Yaktrax, and talked to the guy about why I can't log into my online account.

So, when I got home, SB realized that the guy had put not one but TWO Nike+ units in my bag, but only charged me for one.

I hummed and hawed, but decided that my karma didn't need the hit and I returned the unit the next day. The manager was very thankful, and gave me a coupon for 20% off my next purchase (yay new runners!). Plus, I felt good that I had done the right thing.

Cut to last week when my iPod went missing. Gone. Lost or stolen, who knows, but it is nowhere to be found. I really can't afford to buy a new one, so my sister is going to lend me her old one for a while. Hopefully mine will turn up in some random place, but holy eff, do I really deserve this? Really? I think if I knew what EXACTLY I did to throw things off balance I would feel a lot better about constantly getting shafted.

Introducing...

Oh, hi.

Ya, so I totally forgot to mention that we have a new guest in our little retirement community.

As of November, we had a 14 and a 13 year old dog. One of them has serious arthritis and can barely make it up the stairs for her twice daily walks. She frequently falls in her own pee puddle while walking. The other one gets increasingly grumpy as time passes and has a gross abscess thing that periodically grows and explodes. They both like when we rub their bunions. They also send our 8 year old cat to the store to pick up their smokes and gin.

Since we are so into the geriatric set, we (I) decided it would be a good idea to adopt a senior kittizen. Meet Osha:




You may recognize Osha since he has been featured on my blog before. Yup, I finally stole him.



No, I didn't actually steal him, but his owners are splitsville, and one of them only wants one cat and one of them doesn't want any cats. His brother got to stay, and this little cuddlebutt got to come stay with us.



He is 18 years old, and has one slightly lazy eye.

He also had a snaggle tooth when he moved in, but it fell out in the first three days he was here. SB was very disappointed and wanted to return him.

He has a nervous tick and blinks a lot.

Last week he had what we think was a seizure. One minute of us thinking he was a goner, then he was totally back to normal. (His new nickname is Grand Mal).

He has asthma, and some respiratory disorders so he is often congested, coughs, and gets a lot of boogers.

He also runs like a raccoon:

I love him so much he makes my heart explode everytime he looks at me.

Simon is adjusting - he is used to cats who want to play, and he is desparate to get Osha to play chase with him. But Osha is old, so usually after a few bats to the head he loses interest and goes to bed. Last night I caught Simon licking his face - after about ten licks he turned his head and lightly bit him on the neck. Osha hit him a few times and walked off. Then Simon leaned over and tried to bite Osha's tail. I stopped him, but I love that he is so determined. He's like "They brought you here to play with me, get on it! I will have you fired...."

Buy me a video game.

I have become slightly addicted to Super Mario Galaxy. I'm not ashamed to admit it. And it's not like I spend the whole day playing, which, although tempting, I am able to refrain from. However, there have been near smackdowns this week as SB is also slightly addicted to NHL 2K9 for the Wii too. And you can only play one game at once, you know.

Santa brought 2K9 for SB - we had rented it and he loved it. Then we had received an HBC gift card for xmas, so we bought Galaxy, which we had also rented. But, there are some games that I can't rent, and am desparate to try.

Mario Kart - Actually, probably not a great idea since my number one challenge when playing any video game is my steering (poor James Bond is constantly getting stuck in corners then blown to bits, sorry dude). But it just looks so FUN! They were sold out when we bought Galaxy, otherwise it may have been a tough choice.

Guitar Hero - all my friends who have played this are totally addicted. And I totally don't want the full band set up, just the two guitars - we have clients who have the full band and there is no way in heck I want all that crap in my apartment. But two guitars I think we can handle. There is a specific bundle I want to buy and Best Buy keeps being sold out. Plus, I've never tried the game so not sure it's actually worth it, or if it's just hype.


Anyway, video game speak over. This weekend we will be attending a wedding show, most likely our last one! We have to finalize a DJ (don't even get me started on this, I'm at the end of my rope with one guy and totally losing it), and look at some options for flowers and cake. Mmmmmm cake. We have chosen invitations, photographer is done, venue is done, dress is ordered, my sister has her dress ordered, best man has been asked. Things are moving along.

Another year, more poop.

So, we made it through another holiday season. It was busy, chaotic, and cold. But we made it, with relatively few hiccups along the way. When I was making the schedule for the two holiday weeks, and had a very difficult time fitting everything in, and I couldn't figure out why because I had cut back the number of clients per day quite substantially from last year, plus we had a few last minute cancellations. But, then I remembered that last year we had a whole extra employee on staff. So, I'm not crazy!

SB was able to take two whole weeks off from work, and he spent one of those weeks helping me with kitty cat visits. I did give him one of the seven days off, but for the most part he was chauffeur and chief pooper scooper extraordinaire.

But, now it's the new year, and 2009 is fixing to be a big one. I don't generally make resolutions, but I have been going through a lot of stuff the last few months, and some focus might do me good. So, a list of things for this year, that are not resolutions, but intentions.

1. Keep up the exercise. I have let this fall by the wayside in the last month and chalked it up to work exhaustion/frustration. But I'm sure it was mostly just laziness. Breaks are good for everyone, but this break is over.

2. Try to be happier. I have a lot of good things going on, and I need to stop letting the bad things take over my days.

3. Set boundaries. See: Try to be happier. Work sucks, I hate it, I'm over it, and am unhappy doing it 80% of the time these days. But, it is what it is and this is the bed I made yadayada. That being said, work is just work and it should start at 9 and end at 5 and not be thought of outside of these hours. I just broke this one by reading and sending an email at 6:15, but I will work on it.

4. Be a better friend. Not that I think I'm a particularly bad friend, but sometimes I'm lazy. So I want to do better. This will also help with "be happier" because my friends make me happy, and often I avoid seeing my friends when I am feeling particularly unhappy.

5. Don't become a bridezilla. So far, SB and I have had a pretty relaxed, carefree, yet organized approach to our wedding, but as the date nears I worry that things will start to spin crazily out of control. So, my goal in this whole thing is to make sure we are focused on the core things that will make us happy, and let all the other stuff happen as it will.

For those of you who haven't seen me in a while....

prepare yourself.


Since May, I have lost 30 pounds.


Actually, I'm officially at like 33, but that's not important to you. What is important is that I will be different the next time you see me from the last time you saw me unless the last time you saw me was 1997.


I haven't been blogging about it because I am famous for writing about stuff I'm going to do, and then I don't do it, then I feel sick even thinking about it (revisit: writing as a career....)


But, this is one thing that I have kicked ass at, and I'm proud of, and yay. My body actually feels better, and I do have more energy for activity than I used to, but the point of this post is not all the wonderful things that have come with weight loss for me.


The point is, my body is different then last time I was this weight. I'm not sure where I am losing the weight, and where I am holding the weight, but right now I am ten pounds heavier than I was in high school (the last ten pounds I aim to lose, by the way) but my body is different. My chest has shrunk. And my legs are smaller. I feel I know this for a fact because I am fitting into a smaller size pants, and bra, than what I wore in high school.

But I am ten pounds heavier than I was then.

Where is the weight hanging out?

I can probably chalk the whole thing up to vanity sizing, I guess, and that would probably be the answer that would drive me the least batty.

Disconnected

I started crying five minutes ago because I was watching eTalk daily (stay with me) and they were talking about this week's Giller awards.

I didn't even know the Gillers were this week.

Who am I? What has happened to my interest, passion, and ambition for literature and writing? I have been reading All the Pretty Horses for two months now and McCarthy is a god to me. I bought 7 summer novels and four of them haven't left the shelf.

More importantly I haven't written a thing in longer than I would like to admit.

My biggest fear is that I will never do this. But I am getting closer to the point where I will be ready to admit it to myself that it's not going to happen. And if I was enjoying what I was doing instead, I may feel differently about it.

But for now, it is embarassing and it is heartbreaking.

You know the saying about finding a penny and picking it up?

I don't think the same thing applies to $20 bills.

Last week I was having a great week. Monday was great. Things were going smoothly. I felt semi-relaxed. Also, Tuesday morning gas went down to 98 cents a liter, and then while on a walk Tuesday I found a $20 bill on the sidewalk. I felt like I had won the lottery! 98 cent gas AND $20???? Ridiculous! What great luck!

Then things started going downhill.

One of our employees informed me she would be cutting her hours back to max two days a week. This after we JUST (literally, two days before) hired a new girl to replace another employee whose last day was Friday.

Then, we had a client who decided, 45 days after service had been provided, to make a service complaint so we would adjust her bill. This complaint, 45 days after service had been provided, coincidentally came three days after the first interest charge had been applied to her account for non-payment. Hmmmmm.

Then we finally sent out our new contracts, which is going well, actually - everyone is very understanding and easy-going. However, I totally didn't think about the impact on my day that receiving responses to about 300 emails would have on my day-to-day. And also trying to keep track of who has responded "I agree".

Friday, our new employee's last day of training, she called in sick. I was terrified she was fixing to quit on us, but no, she started all by herself yesterday and that has been going well.

Today, one of our employees got hit by a car on her bike (the bad luck - it's spreading!), which is how she gets around. She is not hurt, thank heavens! But, her bike needs serious repair. We will lend her a bike, but I am soooooo worried she is going to feel crappy tomorrow and not be able to work. The schedule is so full, I have no idea how I will manage it if she can't work. Fingers crossed. She seemed fine, though, so hopefully I'm worrying for nothing.

And when I got home today, I found that my cat had thrown up on my *pristine* white sheets. They are soaking in spot treatment right now.

Anywho, all of this to say, if you see a $20 on the sidewalk, think twice before you pick it up. I'm also too terrified to spend it.

And then the snow fell, and then I died.

Wow, either I have zero readership or you guys really stink at travel advice!

I have had yet another complaint from the peanut gallery (this time NOT Mummy - thanks Mummy! - but SB! that's right, I'm calling you out!) that not only do I not post enough, but that when I do all I do is complain.

I would beg to differ. These last posts have been full of joy! and exuberance! and excitement! at the upcoming nuptials (finally!). And the rest, well, that's my life, and when something is really fantastic, I'm not stewing about it with a seething need to get it off my chest, I'm enjoying it. And when something sucks and makes me want to hang myself from our balcony, well, then I see it as prudent to try and write about it to work out my feelings before actually knotting the rope. So, I think that you could take my lack of posting as an indicator that life is pretty swell.

This week is not swell. This week I am tempted to sell my condo and buy a shack in the woods and never leave except for milk and eggs and good wireless connection. And this week is long. And it snowed this week.

So, keep those (or at least one) honeymoon destination ideas coming, be thankful you aren't a small business owner, and dig out your mittens and hats.

Not ready for winter

I am very sad that it is almost November. Because then the snow comes. And then I want to crawl into a hole and die.

It has come to my attention (thanks Mummy) that I haven't updated in a while, so here I am. Life seems very boring lately, so I don't have a whole lot to talk about. Work is still annoying as ever, but the contracts are finally going out this week, and then it's all about strategizing for holiday time.

Our wedding venue is booked, as is our photographer, and we are speaking with the DJ this week. Dress is ordered (I went to try it on again a few weeks ago just to see for undergarments, but it still felt 100% perfect). I think we can relax on the other details until the spring. Yay!

On October 5th SB and I ran in the CIBC Run for the Cure, which was awesome, and we have photos and a super funny video of me which I have to upload some day. Since the run, I have been trying to keep up my running fitness and hopefully improve my time so I run 5K 2-3 times per week, aiming for 5 days per week. I have a really hard time committing to anything 5 days a week, for some reason.

I guess that's all - I told you, boring!

Oh, hey, how about some audience participation? We need to plan a honeymoon, but since our wedding is in the middle of September, the Caribbean is out (pesky hurricanes). We're open to suggestions - to date we have a list of: Greece, Italy, Hawaii, Pacific coast of Mexico, Napa Valley. There is also the possibility of a "long weekend" type thing away in the fall, then a hot spot vacation in the winter if all else fails. Where would you go on your honeymoon if you could go anywhere?

Things that just keep dragging on

1. Venue booking - we are still negotiating because SB is so thorough. Thorough is not efficient. Thorough takes a very very long time and gives me panic attacks that he has pissed someone off. In the long run, thorough will most likely be the smartest way to go about things, but it is the most damaging to my mental health.

2. Photographer booking - see above, except they are keen and prompt to respond, so we are stopping by to sign everything and make our deposit tomorrow.

3. Changing a contract for my work clients. We have significantly changed one clause out of two contracts, and changed the format and some of the wording on both. However it has taken us approximately 100 years to do this. Or two weeks. I think I am so impatient because I did the initial write up in English, and have been waiting for SB to translate it to French, and tweak it. I am so glad I didn't have to try to translate, and even more thankful we didn't have to pay someone else to do it, but holy mack I want to send this thing out and forget about it.

4. 90 minute hot yoga classes. When you have had two coffees, a diet Pepsi and about 3 Tbsp of water all day. Holy eff I was dehydrated! I'm such a moron. But, at least I went, something is better than nothing :)

5. My Bell cell phone contract. We have been counting the days until May 24 2009 since June 3 2006, because that is when our contract is done and we will be done with these morons. But, wouldn't you know it my Blackberry from 1957 is slowly deteriorating (it now hangs up on people randomly! Awesome! So professional!), so we may be cancelling early anyway and switching so I can get a new phone. It turns out it isn't as expensive to cancel as I had imagined, PLUS the rate plans at the other company will save us about $100 a month. Sweet.

Still nothing yet....

We did meet with two venues. We loved the first one. We tried to book it, but turns out the coordinator we spoke with is out of the office at the moment. WHEN IS SHE COMING BACK?????

I'm going nuts over here! They have blocked off a date for us, but we are ready to finalize/confirm/reserve/pay up suckah. Now. Yesterday. Actually, a week ago tomorrow, but who's counting the days, really?

It is highly aggravating because we have to complete this booking before booking the photographers (who, by the way, are available, yay!) and the DJ and all the other crap.

In more important news, I bought my dress last week. My wedding dress. It has been purchased. It will arrive in six months. My dress. *sigh*

I will keep you posted regarding the date thing.

Looking like...

This thing is finally going to happen.

SB and I are getting ready to set a date. A wedding date. I know, hello from the land of the perpetually engaged, we're moving on out.

We had The Discussion a few weeks ago, and things have been moving along since then. We will visit some venues next week, and hopefully finalize The Date.

I'm already feeling some stress, which is probably ridiculous, but whatever. I really want to finalize the date because I have a very specific photography studio in mind, and if we don't get them, I will lose my mind, I think.

That being said, I don't want to rush into a venue that isn't just right.

Then there is The Dress. We have done one round of shopping, and I think I found The Dress. It is slightly over budget, so I'm hoping to find it cheaper somewhere, or to talk down the lady I originally spoke with. Or a cheaper dress that is better. Which is unlikely. Going out for Round 2 next week.

So that's what's going on here. Big stuff. Making autumn very busy and crazy, but I am so happy and excited that it's worth it.

Posting to pimp myself

Hey all! I am running a 5K in a few weeks, but that isn't even the most exciting part! I am doing the Run for the Cure, which is to raise funds and awareness for breast cancer research. I really want to raise more than SB, who is also running, so sponsor me! Just click here:

https://www.cibcrunforthecure.com/html/participant_search.asp

Then, search for me (if you are a lurker and would like my first and last name, comment me your email address and I will send it to you).

Thanks all!

I'm sorry

I know it has been a long time since I posted. Sorry about that.

A not so funny thing happened a few weeks ago. Friends from NB were visiting, and they spent a few nights with another friend, then one night at our place so we could wow them with our culinary prowess and also drink copious amounts of wine.

About half an hour before they were supposed to arrive, they called to let us know that when they went out to their car someone had smashed in the driver's side window and stolen a borrowed GPS unit they had in the car.

Luckily for them, we are the masters of bad things happening, so we were able to help them arrange to get the window fixed, lend them a car to get to a family event they needed to go to, and file a police report in case they wanted to claim it on their insurance. AND we were still able to pull off a fantastic dinner too. They were in awe of how unstressed we were, and I held back from listing all of the horrible horrible things that happen to us on a regular basis. The things that if they happened to normal people on a regular basis they would sell all their belongings and be happy to live in a cave somewhere, far far away from civilization and the evil that is humans.

Cut to a few weeks later, and someone does the same exact window smashing on our work van. Nothing was in it to steal, but it still took a whole day for me to arrange everything. Luckily I had had a test run just a few short weeks prior.

Then on Thursday we received a card from our friends - a thank you card, for all of our hospitality, and for helping them out in such a stressful situation. And a totally unexpected gift card for the Keg, probably our favorite place on earth.

I guess I wouldn't want to be away from all humans, just most of them.

Is anyone else obsessed with Watchmen?

No, not the nineties band. (Who I actually quite liked in the nineties, but then where did they go?)

The movie, Watchmen, based on the graphic novel.

We saw this preview when we went to see The Dark Knight, and I was absolutely stricken by it. I have never even heard of this graphic novel, which apparently came out in the 80s (take THAT nineties Watchmen), but this movie looks amazing. I have never picked up a graphic novel in my life and I am dying to read this one, but don't see it available at any of the usual suspects (chapters, indigo, etc) so may have to search in used bookstores.

It is the same director as the movie 300, so it is really stunning. No huge names in it (Billy Crudup is the biggest, I think, and some kid who was in Harry Potter). The trailer gives me chills every single time. It also helps that the music in the trailer is awesome - a Smashing Pumpkins song that was originally much faster, but has been slowed for a really eerie feel.

Watch the trailer here. I watch it almost daily.