My friend Sam is terrified of animals. All animals. Cats and dogs included. No exceptions. I'm pretty sure she even hates fish in tanks.
She has told me tons of stories about various animals who have tried to kill her. There's the one about dogs in Athens - a rabid pack of dirty city dogs came hurtling around the corner and singled her out of a crowd, and tried to attack her, but luckily were distracted by something and ran away. (If you've ever been to Athens, you know that in general, the dirty city dogs there really couldn't give to shits about the people or vehicles around them, unless you are trying to eat them). Then there was the time she was at a resort in Cuba and a cat tried to attack her (?), and also a crab tried to get into her room (???) And another time at a resort when a pelican came up to her on a beach, but instead of trying to kill her, it tried to carry her friend away.
About a year ago, I was fortunate enough to witness one of Sam's near-death experiences. We were at a housewarming party for our friends with a new apartment. Someone had just arrived, so the door was open, and suddenly a dog rushed in (it belonged to a neighbor downstairs, and had just barged his way in). The dog was excited about all the people and was smelling all around. Simultaneously, Sam could hear the dog barge through the door, screamed out "is there a dog in here? Who brought a dog?" and actually totally jumped into the lap of our friend Ems. Screaming. Of course, this makes the dog excited, and he now more than ever wants to meet this mysterious human who is so into playing games with him. So he tries to run up and smell her. Finally someone removed the dog and we all had a good laugh while Sam chain-smoked for about half an hour to calm herself down. Last night, Sam was relaying her account of this incident. In her version, the dog headed straight for her, tried to jump on her, and then started barking.
I'm trying to convince her that she needs to conquer her fears, but she won't hear any of it. So, she will never be able to come to my house for dinner parties, movie nights, pyjama parties. Luckily for her I have no life and never do any of these things, but one day I might, and she will be missing out.
For now, my only revenge is blogging about her when she said "you better not write about this in your blog".