25 days

We are 25 days out and wedding fever has its hold on us (me). I feel like all I do is plan, think about planning, think about organizing the planning, and then thinking about paying for everything we've planned. Oddly enough, I don't spend much time worrying or stressing - I feel like after all this work, it's kind of a given that it will be a great time.

So then that will mean SB and I will be married. I don't think it will change much, after 11 years together, 10 years living together, and 4 years engaged. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. But, I know one thing that may have to change - his nickname! I can't very well go on calling him Sexy Boyfriend! And Sexy Husband just doesn't quite have the same ring to it....although its shortened form, SH, could also be short for ShitHead which is sometimes a suitable name for him.

What do you think his new nickname should be?

I haven't quite lost my mind yet.

After my minor 1 am meltdown, I am feeling much much better. Especially since my friend Sarah took the time to let me know that this kind of thing annoys her too. I love my interwebs friends.

Drowning

We are 5.5 weeks out from the wedding and my stress level is holding steady at "variable". I keep having mini-anxiety attacks about random things that are totally outside of my control, but on the other hand I'm just so darn excited that I don't really care at all. And I think it's weird that I'm starting to not care, because in the next moment I am incapacitated by GIANT anxiety attacks. All I can say at this point is the I'm pretty darn glad that in these last weeks SB seems to be stepping up his interest and is keeping us on track, as I believe I'm quickly losing steam.

I am also feeling a lot of regret lately that I have such a hard time keeping my trap shut about things. It is my own fault, and I apologize, but I have been getting super annoyed with all the questions about my business. Both my personal business and wedding planning related stuff and my ACTUAL business. I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want to talk about plans - when I know the plans, you will know the plans, but stop asking me about the plans. When I had the idea for the plans I was excited that I had an idea, but ideas don't just become actual things out of thin air, magically. I'm creative, but I'm not rich, and I'm not god, so quit fucking asking me about it and I'll let you know when I know.

Also, business-wise, we have been pondering some big changes, but please stop fucking asking me about them. I know I mentioned it once like 8 months ago, and that if it happens I will be pretty happy and it will be a pretty big change, but, please believe me, when it happens I will shout it from the rooftops. So quit fucking asking me about it.

Again, sorry to sound bristly, because I know it's really my fault for not being able to keep my mouth shut about silly things like HOPES and DREAMS, but really, when I am feeling pretty shitty about myself, and you keep asking me about all the things that make me feel shitty, well it just makes things worse. So please stop asking. Even though I'm sure you mean well. My hands are tied. And so are my feet. And I've been thrown in a river, so I don't really feel like talking about that particular thing right now.