Wednesday, August 12, 2009


We are 5.5 weeks out from the wedding and my stress level is holding steady at "variable". I keep having mini-anxiety attacks about random things that are totally outside of my control, but on the other hand I'm just so darn excited that I don't really care at all. And I think it's weird that I'm starting to not care, because in the next moment I am incapacitated by GIANT anxiety attacks. All I can say at this point is the I'm pretty darn glad that in these last weeks SB seems to be stepping up his interest and is keeping us on track, as I believe I'm quickly losing steam.

I am also feeling a lot of regret lately that I have such a hard time keeping my trap shut about things. It is my own fault, and I apologize, but I have been getting super annoyed with all the questions about my business. Both my personal business and wedding planning related stuff and my ACTUAL business. I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want to talk about plans - when I know the plans, you will know the plans, but stop asking me about the plans. When I had the idea for the plans I was excited that I had an idea, but ideas don't just become actual things out of thin air, magically. I'm creative, but I'm not rich, and I'm not god, so quit fucking asking me about it and I'll let you know when I know.

Also, business-wise, we have been pondering some big changes, but please stop fucking asking me about them. I know I mentioned it once like 8 months ago, and that if it happens I will be pretty happy and it will be a pretty big change, but, please believe me, when it happens I will shout it from the rooftops. So quit fucking asking me about it.

Again, sorry to sound bristly, because I know it's really my fault for not being able to keep my mouth shut about silly things like HOPES and DREAMS, but really, when I am feeling pretty shitty about myself, and you keep asking me about all the things that make me feel shitty, well it just makes things worse. So please stop asking. Even though I'm sure you mean well. My hands are tied. And so are my feet. And I've been thrown in a river, so I don't really feel like talking about that particular thing right now.


Jallápenno said...

I promise not to ask you about anything, ever. I understand this concept fully. Whenever I am waiting to hear about jobs (this year to year contract teaching thing is BS, in case you were wondering) everyone is always asking, "so, did you hear anything yet?" and "so, did you get word back from that interview yet?" to which I have to reply "no, stop fucking asking me" or "yes, they said to go eff myself, so thanks for bringing that up". In this world of blogs, twitter and facebook, do people really think we won't remember to share great news?

Jules said...

I knew you would get it. I can sense these things.

seriously, I'm like the worst secret keeper ever. If I'm not telling you about something, you can pretty much guarantee it's because I don't know more than I did last time.