Wednesday, August 30, 2006

What have I been up to?

Wow, so it's been a week.

This week, I have been doing the yoga. Anyone who knows me knows I'm not at all the granola-eating, center-finding, chakra-clearing type and that exercise for me has nothing to do with balancing myself or getting in touch with my center. I want to lose my booty. That's it.

However, I have found the perfect yoga for me. Well, almost.

I go to Bikram yoga, which is not at all a "flow" yoga. You hold each of 26 postures for set times (usually it feels like an eternity, but is probably a minute or two), and do two sets for each posture. I feel like it's a fun alternative to doing weight training, and that it not only gets me all stretchy and bendy, but strong too. The class is 90 minutes.

Oh, and the room is heated to 42 degrees celsius.


This is not yoga for pretty girls (or boys). You can't go for tea straight from the studio. I sweat off like a billion tons every class. Okay, maybe not a billion tons, but I go right after work, so I haven't had the chance to weigh myself before, then after to see how much water I lose. No one is prissy. No one judges. Everyone is there for themselves, and to improve, and to work hard and it's awesome.

I'm still not able to make it through all of the standing postures (about half of the class) without taking a break. I get really dizzy and lightheaded, and am hoping that as my body gets stronger I'll be able to last longer. But my body feels good, and I feel amazing after each class.

So that's what I've been up to.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Next, I'll be frying them eggs and making them salads

I've switched my dog's food (rather, am in the process of switching) and they seem happy enough with their new holistic food. And I feel better, except when the New Food Farts come, because those suck.

I've been reading a little more about holistic vs. premium dog foods, and was surprised at how little "premium bashing" I found, however wasn't surprised that the term by-products loosely defined means anything that ever came from an animal ever. Also found that these by-products also come from meat deemed not fit for human consumption because it's either too old, rotten, contaminated with something, etc. Obviously I'm not an expert, and obviously premium food can't be so bad for your animals because the vast majority of animals eat premium or grocery store food, and live, you know, a while, but I really feel better about switching them. Plus I found a great Canadian brand that is the same price as the Science Diet I was buying before. It's called Holistic Blend and they seem to like it.

Enough about my new weird hippie-like tendencies.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

A ravenous hunger

I'm not sure I really have a whole lot to write about, but it's been a while since I posted, and sometimes just getting started writing brings out a whole lot of stuff.

Sexy Boyfriend bought me a new bike yesterday. I know, CRAZY!!! Last week I just was like, why don't I have a bike? Why don't I bike? It could be fun. And when I said that to him, he was like, "I will buy you a bike." Like he's been waiting 8 years for me to have this epiphany and by god it has finally happened and we will not let this moment pass. I love my new bike. It is very pretty and shiny and blue, but that is not to say that the first time I fall off of it I will not have to fight the urge to throw it into the street. (Because when I was 8 I got a new bike, The Shooting Star, to replace my Blue Angel bike, which was my first two-wheeler. Shooting Star was bigger, and I fell off in the driveway. Then I picked it up, as if I was going to get back on, and I think for 2.2 seconds my mom thought I was off and running, then I threw it down onto the asphalt and screamed "I hate this bike." Proud moment for her, I'm sure.)

I am also going to go to a Bikram Yoga class this week. There is a studio by SB's work, and they offer a trial week for $20, unlimited classes. I'm sure after trying to force my body into a pretzel I won't be able to move for several days, so essentially it will be $20 for one class, but maybe, just maybe I'll be able to squeak a second one in there.

Two days ago I read an article about holistic pet food and why you should spend all that money on it. For the past two days I've been picturing my dogs eating chicken assholes and beaks, and brains, then, then, if hot-dog standards were not bad enough, there is often parts of dead dogs in the mix. WHAT? From an article I read in a local paper: "remains of euthanized animals who wound up in rendering plants." WHAT????!!!! I am so skeeved right now. So, much to SB's chagrin, I think I will be changing what my dog eats. And even though whenever I say "I will pay for it, just feed Charlie whatever, and I will pay to feed Gabby what I think she should have" he always thinks it's too much of a hassle and ends up splitting the tab anyway.

And finally, I literally feel like I am starving to death. I have had non-stop hunger since like three o'clock this afternoon, and it won't go away. Since then I have eaten a quarter chicken, fries, coleslaw, and that terribly weird half-hamburger bun thing they serve alongside at St. Hubert. Also had a fudgsicle, some Meli Melo (I hate the shreddies), and some plain chips. Plus I've drank like two diet Pepsis and a diet Green Tea Iced tea thing drying to fill myself with fluids. And it doesn't help that we have zero healthy snacks in the house, cause then I just eat chips and shit like that. I even thought I would compromise and make some nachos (1 part not-so-bad corn chips, one part fabulous vegetables, one part ooey gooey cheesy goodness), but then I found that we are out of cheese. Did you hear me? OUT OF CHEESE!!! How is this possible? What kind of humans are we? I almost cried. (To clarify, we are not completely out of cheese, but I draw the line at Brie nachos, Kraft Singles nachos, or Vache qui Rit nachos. No thanks.)

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Foiled attempt at domesticity

Not too far back I had a sudden epiphany that I was tired of living one level above filth. Now, as a dog walker/pet sitter, I get to see how people live and believe me, our apartment is not even close to the dirtiest/messiest/most cluttered among them. However, having grown up with a mother who was a nurse and had her of cleanliness (read: sterile), and currently cohabitating space with an obsessive compulsive cleaner (read: vacuums at midnight so he will be able to sleep without dreaming of furballs under the sofa) I have had it drilled into my brain that my place is messy.

A few months ago I purchased a fabulous book about housekeeping. Not a "handy hints" book, or anything like that, but a book about why certain routines are important, how to build your own rhythm and schedule, and how often certain things should be done. Now, admittedly I have been quite lax since the whole business thing spun to near-out of control speeds, but I still like to do a few little chores every once in a while to feel like I'm contributing.

Over the weekend, I decided it was time to vacuum our mattress. This helps get rid of the dust mites, and I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to those dust mites, so I figured it was a good idea. We had purchased a ShopVac-type vacuum (a store-brand one) to clean the work vehicles, and I figured "what could do a better job than this? It has superior suction power." So I stripped the bed, and got all the attachments ready and plugged the thing in. When I pressed "power" it made this really weird grinding noise, then a "PUK" noise, and smoke started coming out. I turned it off, checked all the hose connections, then took the whole thing apart (hose, filters, etc) and put it back together again to make sure everything was attached properly. It was, so I decided to try again. I pressed "power", it whirred in a very high-pitched manner, then another "PUK", then I saw fire in there.

That's right. Fire. In my house. Not on the stove.

I was surprised by how calm I was. I turned off the machine, unplugged it, and waved the smoke around so the detector wouldn't go off. Then for some reason I took the top of the thing off, even though the part where the fire was was then in my hand. But I wanted to make sure the filter was not on fire in the canister. It wasn't. I put the top back on and sat on the bare mattress.

That Shop-Vac-type vacuum is going back. And our mattress is still not vacuumed.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

A glimpse of what her future may be like

A while back I wrote about my friend Sam who is terrified of animals. Sam also happens to be Greek, and most of the other Greek people that I know are also not so fond of animals. Whatever, it's something that I've accepted, and am not trying to make them best friends with my dog.

Several weeks ago I got a new client who is Greek, but whose family LOVES animals. They have two dogs and four cats and their lives revolve around them. But my client warned me about a crazy Greek lady down the street who hates dog and will randomly yell at people with dogs. Whatever, people yell at me all the time, and I'm an idiot with a big mouth and usually yell back and I can't believe I haven't been beaten up and/or abducted yet.

So, on Saturday I'm walking this dog, and of course the dog suddenly gets the urge to take a crap right on the corner of this lady's yard. Now, technically this is city property anyway cause property lines here start about a foot back from the sidewalk. So it's cool, I pull out my baggie and I'm waiting for the dog to do her business. All of a sudden this woman starts shrieking "GET dat dog off my yard - get dat DOG off my yard - get dat dog OFF my yard" over and over. So I'm going "Come on doggie, let's hurry", and I'm leaning down to pick up to show "Hey, I'm ready to pick up, relax." But no, the woman doesn't care. Apparently she thinks that dog's paws contain toxic acid that will seep into her grass and contaminate her water supply. So she runs off her front porch, still screaming, and I'm trying to ignore her, get the business taken care of, and get out of there. When she gets to the sidewalk she screams "Get dat dog off my yard or I call police" and I say "go ahead and call them, she's not on your yard, and I'm cleaning it up anyway." To which she says "Get dat dog off my yard or I call police" and grabs me by the arm and tries to shove me.

That's right. I was assaulted by a 60-year-old crazy Greek woman.

I yelled "HEY!!!" really loudly and said - "If you don't quit it I'll call the police because you just assaulted me." Then she stepped back and started retreating to the house, but still yelling "No more dog - I remember you, call the police." And I'm like, whatever and we continue our walk.

Of course on the way back, we walk by her house again, and she's still yelling. Twenty minutes later. "I remember you, stay that dog off my yard or I call the police." I had had it, so I yelled "Shut up already." Then she yells "YOU shut up." I stopped, turned to her, and said "I'm not talking."

Now everyday when I walk by and I don't see her, I'm tempted to do something bad to this woman. If I were a teenager again I might be tempted to key her car. Or hock a loogie on it. Or put something disgusting on her doorknob. Sexy Boyfriend said he felt like taking a crap on her front porch. Too bad I'm only in the neighborhood in the middle of the day.

Sam, if you're reading this, please don't turn into a crazy Greek woman who assaults people who are minding their own business and picking up all the droppings left behind by their furry friends. I will have to disown you. And also, Sexy Boyfriend will then have to leave a big steaming pile on your front yard.