Friday, October 20, 2006

One year later

A year ago, I was in a pretty bad place. I was having trouble finding out who I was, where I wanted to go, and finding the courage to just do it. I had a hard time reaching out to people, leaning on people, and trusting people. I had very high expectations, not just for myself, but for the people around me. Often, to keep these expectations from not being met, I would withdraw. If the bar is not set, it's impossible to miss. I was spending my days crying in the pharmacy.

But I have come so far, and learned so much.

In the past year I have learned that things really do happen for a reason. That I have drawn from every single thing I have experienced, good and bad, and learned some very valuable lessons.

I learned that I need to listen to my instincts, do what I love, and that's when I will feel the best. Doing 100% at a job that you hate is never going to be fulfilling, ever.

I've learned that medication is fabulous.

I've learned that I need to leave myself open to friends - to reach out to them and be there when they reach out for me. Sometimes people will disappoint you, and sometimes they will betray. But the good ones, they will make you feel full. Full of life and laughter and support. And if they don't make you feel that way, then they aren't worth it.

It's hard for me to believe that a year ago I felt so helpless, and empty. Because now I am happier, healthier, more energetic. I love what I do, I love who I am, and I love everything I have around me - Sexy Boyfriend, my friends, my family, my pets.

All of this to say thank you. Thanks for encouraging me, being my crutch, being patient and supportive. Giving me the confidence to strike out and try something different, and laughing with me when I didn't really want to.

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