Thursday, March 22, 2007

Adventures in psychopharmaceuticals

I have been taking meds for about 18 months. They keep me from crying in the pharmacy, in my car, and when I run out of Cheetohs. My doctor said we would try them for a year or so, and then wean me off slowly and see how it goes. When I got back from vacation, I had about 14 pills left, and then one refill.

I decided to wean off, convinced I am now happy, and well-adjusted, and fabulous, so why do I need this crutch? I started by taking half a pill a day, then every two days, then not at all. I haven't taken any meds for about a month now.

I thought it was going really great - not one phone commercial had made me cry, I wasn't feeling exhausted all the time (that was one of my major symptoms when I first went on meds - I was just constantly tired. I think I would have stayed in bed all day for a week if it had been allowed.) But then I noticed something.

Sometimes I would find myself acting like I was on speed. Things would blurt out of my mouth before they even popped into my head. All the time. I've been almost manic, just talking and talking and talking. I found myself at a client meeting wondering how I had gotten off on a tangent about dog diarrhea. The other night while watching TV with SB I kept cracking him up with all the random one-liners I kept throwing at him.

So, while I'm glad that I no longer want to crawl into my bed and sleep for a month, I don't think this new behavior is quite acceptable either. At least I am functional, but I don't trust myself to open my mouth, for fear of what will come out of it.

I'll go see the doctor next week and see what he thinks. Not sure if I will go back on my old meds or get something new, but in the meantime I'm thinking of taking my routine on the road.

No comments: