You are a very cute Golden Retriever. Sure, your head is a little skinny, but I love your amber color. And I love your girly woof, even though you are a boy. I love how excited you are all the time. I love how no matter what you are doing, when I sit down on a rock, or bend to tie my shoe, you are all up in my business so you can get some affection.
You know the one thing that you could do to make me even happier, though?
Maybe you could resist rolling in dead things.
I know, I know, it sounds crazy, but really I think you could do it. Because I know how you hate to have your head washed off, and I know how I hate that wonderful smell of decomposition, that fills up the truck and also stays on my hands through at least twenty handwashes. So really, this could be win-win for us.
I'm not sure why you do this, but I suspect it has something to do with impressing the ladies, but dude, believe me, they are not having any of it. They tell me in the car after I drop you off.
So whadda ya say? Next time you happen upon a dead mouse or frog or squirrel or whatever the hell it is that you are finding in the brush, how about you just give it a sniff, and walk on by.