Things I should be up to but am too scared to start

Last night I had the pleasure of viewing a documentary film called Fortunate Son at the Montreal Festival du Nouveau Cinema.

Generally, I miss out on this type of thing. I am a self-professed hermit and even though I love events like this, I'm also lazy and crowd-phobic, so I usually skip them. I know, I suck. However, this film was made by the husband of a friend, and I felt like I really really wanted to be there to support them.

The film is beautiful - I know he will do well with it, so if you happen upon a viewing of it, you have to see it. It is moving, poignant, thoughtful...just everything you want a documentary about a family to be, but that they rarely are.

Anyway, I left the theatre feeling the way I always do when I see a really great piece of art. Inspired, and also disappointed. People I know are doing beautiful, fantastic things, and I cannot seem to get it together. BUT, and this is a big BUT and revelation to me, his film made me realize one of the reasons so many of my projects stall.

I am terrified of offending anyone.

The whole time I was watching this amazing film about Tony and his relationships with the people around him, I felt my insides cringe for him - for putting it all out there, the beautiful moments and the ugly ones, even though it could hurt the feelings of the people in the film.

I know I write fiction, but I have realized that I am completely preoccupied by writing characters that are not too similar to people I know, or scenes that are not to familiar, for fear that someone will think they see themselves in it and get upset. Does this make sense? And this quasi-obsession generally ends in me abandoning the project because I don't feel invested in it anymore - it doesn't feel authentic or honest.

So I'm going to work on it. And hopefully it will help me move forward.

Purged

So, wow, that movie killed us. For the last half hour I was a mess. If you haven't seen the movie, then you may not want to read this post.

The first point where I lost it was when Marley had trouble on the stairs. For the last probably two years of Gabby's life mobility was an on-again/off-again struggle. Some days it was no problem, other days she required a lot of help. I didn't mind, but I could tell she did.

After that, when he took her on the trail through the field, and they sat sitting at the sun - reminded me of bringing Gabby on the mountain trail with the group. She would trudge along at her own pace, sometimes falling out of view behind us, and I can't remember if I ever just sat with her at the top. I can't remember if I ever congratulated her for making it up there.

One part of the movie that outraged me was when he left Marley alone overnight at the vet for observation. I never could have left Gabby alone, sick, in a strange place. Never. Maybe I'm strange. But it wouldn't have happened. I also never could have just said goodbye to her in the back of a car, then let someone else take her away. Never.

So, overall it was just cry, cry, cry. But it also made me want a puppy really badly. I know we have The Woodge, but he is not mine. He doesn't love me the way Gabby did. He doesn't seem to need me, or want to please me. I miss that.

Purging

it's a grey, grey day. No rain, just greyness. Fall is the only season where this is acceptable, for some reason.

I picked up some movies at Blockbuster - it's cheaper to buy their pre-owned DVDs than to rent new ones, and since SB and I are horribly behind in our movie watching it doesn't really matter to us.

I grabbed Ghost Town - lately I have been obsessed with Ricky Gervais, and I had heard great things about this movie. Hopefully it's at least a little bit good, and Tea Leoni is in it so SB will be happy.

I also picked up Marley and Me. We've been avoiding this movie. It came out on DVD right around the time we lost Gabby, and we just weren't ready. I'm still not sure we are, but what better day than a chilly, grey day in fall to let some of that out?

Is anyone else obsessed with Watchmen?

No, not the nineties band. (Who I actually quite liked in the nineties, but then where did they go?)

The movie, Watchmen, based on the graphic novel.

We saw this preview when we went to see The Dark Knight, and I was absolutely stricken by it. I have never even heard of this graphic novel, which apparently came out in the 80s (take THAT nineties Watchmen), but this movie looks amazing. I have never picked up a graphic novel in my life and I am dying to read this one, but don't see it available at any of the usual suspects (chapters, indigo, etc) so may have to search in used bookstores.

It is the same director as the movie 300, so it is really stunning. No huge names in it (Billy Crudup is the biggest, I think, and some kid who was in Harry Potter). The trailer gives me chills every single time. It also helps that the music in the trailer is awesome - a Smashing Pumpkins song that was originally much faster, but has been slowed for a really eerie feel.

Watch the trailer here. I watch it almost daily.

Break out the eggnog

American Thanksgiving time has put holiday movie season into full swing.

I'm sure everyone has their favorites. Every year I see the listings for Miracle on 34th street, and It's a Wonderful Life. The Grinch. All those. But those are not my favorites. Nor have they ever been. I've never seen either of the former. And I don't think I ever watched the classic version of the latter either. Here are some of my favorites:

• Home Alone - I haven't watched it for the last few years, but for a while there it was a staple. Even Home Alone 2 is really great. I love the hijinks with the dummys rigged to ropes so he can move them around. And Joe Pesci - probably my favorite character he's ever played.
• National Lampoons - The rodent in the Xmas tree. The dried out turkey. The dickey. Enough said.
• Love Actually - I always love movies where all the stories are intertwined, but this one does it with humor and warm fuzzies instead of horror and irony. Plus, it's a relatively new movie, and since I usually only watch it during the holidays, I barely remember what happens in it.
• Stepmom - although mildly depressing, it still leaves you feeling pretty good. But in a realistic kind of way. I think this one takes the cake as SB's favorite holiday movie, but don't tell anybody that.
• The Family Man - No, not the Family Guy, The Family Man. It's kind of like A Christmas Carol, but not. There are cute kids in it. SB and I actually agreed that if maybe you could choose which kids you could have, we would choose the little girl in this movie. But since you can't choose which kids you can have, we will forego all that and get a baby Himalayan kitten. (okay, we didn't agree to get the kitten, but it was another moment for me to sneak in a bit of my cost/benefit analysis of the whole situation).

I was planning on posting this list anyway, but when we sat down to dinner tonight, we discovered that The Family Man was on TV. After celebrating American Thanksgiving yesterday by cooking a whole turkey dinner for just the two of us, I must say, it is putting me in a rather festive mood.

I must also say that my mood would be even more festive if we had a DVR and could have recorded this movie off of network television and watched it tomorrow while fast-forwarding the commercials.....

The best film that I forget that I love

There is something at work in this universe of ours, that knows what I need and when I need it. Or at the very least knows what movie I need to be watching because I am down.

We have had The Movie Network for several years now, and sometimes I get downright frustrated with the selection provided by these fiends. I pay $20 extra per month - why should I ever need to use my video on demand? For a while we had it just for The Sopranos. Then Big Love. Also Six Feet Under back in the day. Now it's Flight of the Conchords and Entourage.

Anyway, even though it's frustrating 98.7% of the time, it always seems to know when I am feeling low, or sad, or down, and you know what movie it plays then? Elizabethtown.

This is the best movie I know that can let me wallow in whatever melancholy I am feeling, but still leave me with a very good feeling. But I forget how much I love it until I start watching, and each part gets better with each viewing. It's one of the rare films that I actually enjoy seeing Orlando Bloom in. Kirsten Dunst plays much as I imagine her to be in real life. Susan Sarandon cracks me up every time with her tap dance. I love that the dad always said "If it wasn't this, it would be something else." I think I would be friends with him in real life. I desperately want someone to make me a very unique map, and desperately want the time to be able to follow said map.

I always gasp when he sees the photo of his mother (Susan Sarandon) when she was young. I always laugh out loud when she talks about Boner Bob. I always nod my head to the beat (who are we kidding, I full on rock out) while Ruckus plays Freebird. I always giggle when Bloom dances alone in the field. I always cry each time he lets go of another handful of his father's ashes. I always hold my breath when Bloom searches for the girl in the red hat.

I have seen this movie in its entirety at least 10 times. I can't even count the number of times I have watched only part of it for a little pick-me-up.

This weekend, I watched it again. It was the first time SB had watched it. It still makes me feel better.