For the Record

I just saw the new Hallmark Holiday Item commercial, and I just have a few thoughts about it.

First of all, I hate all of their Holiday Items - the Valentine kiss-kiss bears, some weird thing they had last Christmas, all of them. They are just a scam to get you to buy more cards and waste more paper. Not that I'm a super environmentalist, maybe I'm just a grinch, or scrooge, or whatever.

This year, the item appears to be a little snow scene, I think it was penguins skating, and it's soft and plush and when you squeeze some part of it, it plays a song. How is this kind of item useful? Not at all, that's how. Unless you have a three year old. Or dogs who like to rip the stuffing out of things.

Anyway, in the commercial, they are sitting in an airport, I think it's supposed to be Christmas Eve, and all the flights are delayed. Everyone is upset, depressed, etc (surprisingly no one is rushing the boarding gates demanding the attendants turn off the snow, like on the show Airline). Then Thoughtful Mommy pulls out the Hallmark Holiday Item and gives it to little Timmy, who squeezes it and it starts playing its joyful holiday song. Everyone gathers 'round and they all begin to feel warm and fuzzy, and they sing carols and rejoice. So much rejoicing is going on that they don't even hear that their flights are ready to board.

Baloney, I say. For the record, if I was ever in an airport, even if my flight was on time - hell, let's just say if I was in any public place ever - and someone started playing that tinny Christmas carol music that comes out of those toys, over and over again, I would take it. I would take it away and burn it. If I happened to be in the airport, where lighters and matches are prohibited, I would find some other way of destroying it. And then I would hit Thoughtful Mommy on the head, tell her to smarten up, and tell Timmy his mom is an idiot. And then the people would rejoice.