Jason is too devious

The Hills was kinda boring last night, but mostly because after the first five minutes it was kinda predictable.

1. Jason is such an ass. He and Lauren have been hanging out, and not once did he mention he had a girlfriend. He talked about re-hab (Lauren offered to participate in sober outings with him), he talked about needing clothing (Lauren offered to give him back some of the clothing she still had that belonged to him), and he talked about looking for a place (Lauren offered to help him find one). But no mention of a girlfriend. Then suddenly, in his own awkward "trying to be casual" way, he not only mentions that he has a girlfriend, but also that they will be moving in together and that Lauren is invited to the upcoming housewarming so she can meet the girlfriend. I think LC took all this news very very well.

2. Spencer had that fugly beard happening again.

3. Heidi is in full-on wedding planning mode, meanwhile Spencer hasn't even told his parents yet. Jen Bunny is even being skeptical. There was speculation yesterday on Pink is The New Blog that Spencer only proposed to Heidi in the first place to ensure more camera time for them. I would agree.

4. Whitney almost seriously effed up at work, and I was actually really disappointed in her. She should have known that it wasn't appropriate to take the band out before the photo shoot. Do that shit after work is done. Lest your bad-haired boss find out.

5. Jason's new girlfriend seems a little....seventh grade. There is one point when she deliberately interrupts LC and Jason and practically jumps him, then moves between him and Lauren and gives Lauren a "Bitch Step Off" look. Does she even know that Lauren and Jason have been hanging out all this time ALONE??? I love how when Jason asks what Lauren thinks of Katja, Lauren refrains from saying "she's a bitch/slut/rude-assed ho", and instead gets right to the point "I think you're being an idiot". Then she tells him he is rushing it wayyyy too fast. That is definitely the safe route. Because he is being an idiot. And maybe Katja only looks like a bitch/slut/rude-assed ho.

What to do, what to do

My sister is coming today!

so exciting!

What have I planned for her during her ten day sejour at my casa?

Nothing.

I have been too busy to even call her this week. So far I know I am picking her up in three hours at the airport, and then maybe we will go to the grocery store. Wooohooooo!!!

A few weeks ago when I went to NB, I saw my sister for like 3.7 seconds, and then she took off to Indiana for work. Before that, I hadn't seen her for a year and a half. You would think we might have some kind of list of stuff we want to do together, but, no, we do not. I know we will definitely do some shopping, because I have been saving my birthday money for two whole months so I could spend it while she's here. I thought we might join the 7 billion other Canadians flocking to the US to do some shopping. And next Saturday is my university's homecoming football game, so I think we will get SB to drive us and we will drink beer all day while screaming obscenities at no one in particular.

I highly doubt that my strict day-off schedule of pyjama-lounging and Facebook Scrabulous would leave her with a very satisfying vacation, so if you have any suggestions, please, let me know.

One day early - SO THERE

The Hills was awesome tonight and actually had me yelling aloud "Holy Crap!"

1. I was actually getting used to the idea of having Lauren and Jason possibly getting back together, and I was totally falling for their relationship tonight when they went through the whole public harassment from Spencer and Heidi. But then, on the preview for next week Jason reveals that he has a girlfriend, is moving in with her, and THEN at the housewarming they get engaged. Poor Lauren!

2. PLEASE!!! FOR THE LOVE OF PETE - I NEED MORE WHITNEY!!!

3. I was very disappointed to see that Audrina and Justin Bobby are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I was not disappointed that I didn't actually have to look at Justin Bobby tonight.

4. What the hell is with Heidi and Spencer? Near the end of the episode she's talking about how they sent a drink over to try and smooth things over a little, but the whole time they were there they were making snide comments about sex tapes, and then instead of just sending over one of whatever they were each having they sent water and a Shirley Temple. That's kinda rude. Plus, I am not a big fan of people who can't take a hint and just leave the situation alone. Either she has amnesia, wants to fake being a nice person, or genuinely has deluded herself into thinking she was trying to be nice.

5. If I can't have more Whitney, then I will take more Elodie any day! After she called Heidi on being such a tool I yelled "Ho Ho Holy Crap!!!" at the television. She fell just short of saying "Lauren hates you and you don't know why, Audrina hates you and you don't know why, Whitney hates you and you don't know why - maybe you should take a look at yourself, because you seem to be the problem..." I hope this plotline gets developed further!

**Last minute edit:
On The Hills Aftershow, Elodie just said "If anyone ever asked to marry me and gave me an amethyst, I would punch them in the face."
I am loving that girl more by the minute!

A nightmare

Last night I had a dream that I was pregnant, and then gave birth. I was sitting at a table with a bunch of other ladies and we were taking a chemistry class. Everyone was pregnant, and suddenly I was like "excuse me, may we deliver my baby now" and then 10 seconds later I was climbing onto a bed in another room and giving birth.

In the dream I was not that happy about giving birth, and was particularly annoyed that my doctor in the dream was my real-life vet, and also that the nurse got me to lay on my stomach to give birth (?????). Then I was annoyed that the baby was a boy. However, I was less annoyed that the doctor, to make my trip home more convenient, put my baby in an easy-to-carry paint can.

The lower end of our expectations of disaster

Upon arriving back in town, I called our employee who had been caring for our terrors to let her know we were on land, safely, and to thank her.

"Hi, it's me. We're back safely"

"did you get the dryer to work?"

"Huh?"

We hadn't been home yet, and apparently the dryer was broken. To understand why this is funny, you must have a little background info.

This girl, let's call her X, has the worst luck of anyone I have ever met in my whole life. Even worse than my luck, so between the two of us, I'm surprised this business hasn't been run into the ground by now. Her cell phone is always broken. One time I tried to contact her, and she called me from a client's house "sorry, but when I was getting off the bus this morning the coffee I had in my pocket spilled and my cell phone got wet." What?

Once she went away for a long weekend and on the way home Monday morning their car broke down.

Then she went to NYC for a trade show and her flight got delayed from like 10pm til 7am the next day. Then there came a tornado to NYC. And flooding in Brooklyn. And X's plane got hit by lightening. It was on CNN. Upon landing, her travelling companion had filled out customs form incorrectly which subsequently landed them in Customs Hell for five hours.

A few weeks later she went to Vegas. Her flights were okay, but the day after she left I heard SB call out from the living room, "I think X arrived in Vegas." Why? "There's some flash floods just outside the city. Cars are floating away..."

And don't even get me started on how many of her bikes have been stolen, and the bike accident she got into 24 hours before our departure for the wedding.

But she is great, we love her, so we accept the deadly forcefield that surrounds her and keep our fingers crossed that things don't go too wrong.

When we arrived home, Charlie had explosive diarrhea. All over the living room. Then again in the night. This was I'm sure none of X's doing, because Gabby was perfectly healthy, I just think Charlie has a nervous stomach. He's fine now.

But the dryer seemed fried. When you pressed the button, it just made a WWWrrrr noise, like the motor was trying to go, but had no juice. I started pricing new ones, while SB cleaned up diarrhea. Then SB got in there and started taking it all apart. I was nervous. Nervous that either it wasn't that broken and he would wreck it, or that he would get electrocuted. Neither of these happened.

I am happy to report that SB fixed the dryer. Know what was wrong? Someone jammed the lint trap in and pushed a sock in there with it. And then the sock got eaten by the motor. Literally eaten. Big holes in it. It was probably me or SB doing laundry before we left, not paying attention. I'm glad that we don't have to get a new one. I'm sad my sock is toast.

Two days late....but I was on VACATION

Highlights from this week's episode of The Hills:

1. What the hell was with Lauren's date from Jersey? Did she look like the kind of girl who would be impressed by 40 cent t-shirts? I totally would be, but for crying out loud she works at Teen Vogue. And is from Laguna Beach. The last time she spent 40 cents on something was....never.

2. Why can't Jason stay out of the picture? I know we are supposed to hate him, but it's hard when we don't know the details of why they broke up. And he finally shaved, and got a haircut, so now he's super cute. I feel confused....

3. Audrina has the weirdest taste in boys ever. Justin Bobby is so dirty, I can't believe she would let her crotch touch the same motorcycle seat as his let alone hook up with him.

4. I WANT MORE WHITNEY!!!

5. Heidi is going straight to hell, and if I were Elodie I would start compiling dirt about her now so as to get her canned. I also love that every time she (Heidi) talks about Lauren, she gets this look on her face. You can totally tell she is ready to cry, but then she makes this really gross expression and tries to pretend she doesn't care.

Discuss.

Back!!!

Well hello there. Sorry for the absence, but I have been away. That's right. Off the island. Out of the province, even. I know, the insanity of it.

Two of our very dear friends made the jump to matrimony this past weekend, and we were lucky enough to be able to attend. The wedding was held in Digby, Nova Scotia, so we decided to meld the trip with a quick visit home to visit the fam.

I had a few trepidations about travelling (okay, billions of them).

1) our pets. This is the first time ever we have flown home, normally we drive and bring the brood along with us. But, this time we had one of our employees stay at the house to care for them. I know they love her, and obviously if she works for us I know she is more than competent and trustworthy, but for some reason I had anxiety. Oddly enough, though, once on the plane I rarely thought of them until we returned.

2) our business. Even though I brought the work computer and my Blackberry, I was still worried something terrible would happen and I would be out of touch. I tried to keep the work to a minimum, and only replied to emergencies of our regular clients, but I still felt like I didn't really get a break. However, I doubt I would have felt better if I was completely out of touch and had no clue at all what was going on. In fact, I think that would have driven me batty.

3) timing for the wedding. We landed Friday night. We drove to the wedding on Saturday morning. The wedding started at 2pm. It was 5 hours away. It was a long drive, and after checking into our hotel and getting dressed and ready for the wedding, we arrived in time for the ceremony, but missed the bride walking down the aisle.

4) travelling together. I just really hate going to NB with SB. Point final. I'm pretty sure I won't be interested in doing it again any time soon. Because travelling together to NB is pretty much like me going to London and him going to Paris at the exact same time and we'll just meet back up in MTL at the arrival gate. It's ridiculous and I think from now on I would rather we just vacation somewhere else, but together.

Aside from all the anxiety, it was so good to see my family, and to eat fried clams. More stories to come.

The Hills Tuesday

I adore the show The Hills - some people call it their guilty pleasure, but I see nothing guilty in it at all. It is hilarious. So, I am going to try to do The Hills Tuesday and list my top five things about the episode that aired Monday night. Today there are a few general things that I love just because it's my first Hills Tuesday and we've got a little bit of ground to make up.

1. Whitney is awesome - gorgeous blond, super clumsy/silly/goofy. Love her. Last night she made fun of the names LC's mom almost named her and made hilarious faces at the same time - "Cryssssssstal."
2. They call someone Justin Bobby. His name is really Justin. But some people call him Bobby. But they aren't sure why, and they think it's weird, so they call him Justin Bobby.
3. Justin Bobby drives an El Camino
4. Spencer and Heidi are ridiculous. And Spencer grew a fugly beard.
5. Spencer broke up with Brody Jenner - sadly this doesn't seem to mean that we don't have to look at Spencer's fugly mug anymore

Long weekend

I had two days off this weekend! In a row! My first days off all summer. I haven't even taken any of the messages that people left after five o'clock on Friday. People seem to think that I am available 24/7. Well, I'm not. So, the messages, they have not been taken, and if there are any emergencies in those messages, it is not my problem. And I'm only feeling about 80% guilty about that.

On my two days off we have been doing NOTHING. Which is pretty fabulous, although I think it would have been fun to have rented a cottage or gone on a day trip to the outlets or something like that. But that kind of thing takes advanced planning, a luxury that I do not have. So yesterday we went to a BBQ, and today we went for a bike ride and hung out at a street fair. And ate mussels and beer. Awesome.

Next weekend we venture east, to a wedding and then a very quick visit with the families. We were supposed to stay for a week, but because SB has some work stuff that needs to be tended to, it has been shortened to about 5 days. Two of which involve travelling to and from the wedding and attending the wedding. The upside to this is we now get to fly. The downside to this is that we will probably only see each other at the wedding, and the rest of the time we will be trying to visit our respective families and friends.

I just realized my hands still smell like mussels even though I washed them twice. Ugh.