I have an appointment with the optometrist tomorrow. I'm pretty excited, mostly because my last pair of contacts ripped in half about a month ago which is making this freezing cold weather very difficult for my dog-walking ass. (My glasses keep fogging up all the time, so I can't cover my face too much - I think I'm getting frostbite on my cheeks.)
My first eye doctor creeped the hell out of me. Like wet willy creepy. He was older (in his fifties) and kinda balding. I was like 7 when I first starting going. He smelled funny, and I hated it when he looked in my eye with that little light-scope thingy - he had to get so close to my face I could feel his breath on my cheeks - creepy.
When I was 15, my eye doctor retired (so sad), and I got a new eye doctor who was pretty much right out of university, semi-hip in that doctor kinda way, and I thought he was pretty cute. He was the first doctor to give me contacts, and I didn't find his close-up exams so creepy. (A similar phenomenon occurred when my fat old dentist retired and was replaced by a younger one - twice a year cleanings just weren't enough anymore).
Anyway, I really got along with this new eye doctor, and was happy with his services until I moved away. So, imagine my shock when my sister told me two years ago that she hated Dr. Smith (not his real name). How could anyone hate the doctor who could give an exam in such a non-creepy way?
"He's trying to keep me from getting glasses."
Maybe you don't need glasses.
"I do need glasses, I can't see the friggin' board."
I'm sure if you needed glasses he would give them to you - he doesn't make very much money if you don't need glasses.
"Well, I need glasses, and he won't give them to me."
If anything, he would give you glasses if you didn't need them and tell you that you did, not the other way around.
"Well, he won't give me them. He has it out for me."
My mother's insurance only covers eye exams every two years, so for two years we had to hear about how Dr. Smith had it out for her, and that it was a huge conspiracy, the fact that he wouldn't give her glass. How she was suffering from headaches because she needed glasses and he wouldn't give them to her. That she wouldn't get in to university because eventually this would lead to crappy grades, and then it would all go to hell because of Dr. Smith.
When the time came for another exam, my mother made an appointment with a different eye doctor.
So, how did it go.
"She says mmmphmmmph mph."
"She says I don't need glasses."
"She says maybe my eyes are just dry. She gave me some drops."