The news is serious business

I love to watch CTV news. I don't find it particularly informative, or useful, because usually I'm not listening to the news because I find it depressing and I have my own issues that make me depressed enough, I don't need to subject myself to someone else's issues. However, I do find the CTV news extremely entertaining.

I'm pretty sure Lloyd Robertson is a puppet. I love him to death, but that man is either 200 years old, or he's not human. He has been the anchor of the news since I can remember, and some days he just doesn't look like a real person. I don't know who does his make-up, but they are not very good. Sometimes he has too much rouge, sometime his eyebrows seem invisible. His hair alternates between silver, white and a yellowish color. Sometimes he looks like he's made of wax. When he does "Ask Us", and they have him standing in front of a giant screen, we ponder whether they have propped him up with something or whether he is supported by strings that we just can't see.

Then there is Craig Oliver, the Ottawa political correspondent. We call him the Bird Man, cause he looks like a bird, and after he makes his comments, it never fails that one of us will make a squawking sound and then we both laugh like idiots. It just never gets old.

Lisa LaFlamme is also fun to make fun of. She seems like a pretty normal person, and is a pretty good reporter and stuff. But god, I wish they would cover that woman's neck. I don't know if it's cause she's pretty tanned and has white non-tanned lines in her neck, or if her neck is exceptionally wrinkly for a woman her age, but it looks like it's saggy and made of leather. I feel like writing a strongly worded letter to CTV telling them that if they don't either force her to wear buttoned-up collars, or turtlenecks, that I am going to have to quit watching CTV news.

Sometimes I feel bad for making fun of the news people, because they're just hard-working schmos trying to enlighten the masses and distribute information in timely, efficient ways. But then I remember that watching the news makes me depressed, and making fun of them is fun, and that they pay professionals a whole lot of money to make up and dress these people, and if they can't make them look good, or at least less funny, then it's not my fault at all.