You know the bouncy-ball head who doesn't feel quite like himself?

The guy from the Zoloft commercials? Ya, that's me right now.

I'm having another really low day today - everything was going great until I went shopping for something to wear to a business dinner hosted by Sexy Boyfriend's company tomorrow night. I thought I had a handle on this dinner, that I had found something to wear that would be fine, and that we would have fun. But then while we were shopping I was stricken by this anxiety that when we go to this dinner not only should I look half presentable, but that people might ask me questions about what I've been up to, and I'm not altogether happy with what I've been up to. And, if I don't look presentable, or if I feel like I stand out, I'll feel like people are scrutinizing me, which will maybe make me burst into tears in public, which has previously been known to happen in large chain pharmacies and also in my car.

I found a nice outfit, but cannot find shoes or boots to wear with this outfit, and this makes me upset. More upset than it should make me. Shopping for boots makes me realize how chubbed up my calves are (as they are proportioned to the rest of chubby old me) which makes me even more depressed, which then makes me think not only will people be scrutinizing my accomplishments (or lack thereof), what I say, how I dress, but they will also pay very much attention to how much I am eating in comparison to the other, non-chubbed out ladies at the table.

I don't think I want to go to this dinner anymore.

Meanwhile, earlier in the day, I started my campaign to lose some weight. How timely, huh? We are going on vacation to Cuba in January, and from now it is about three months until we leave. I would like to shed about thirty pounds in this timeframe. I think this is altogether possible and realistic, so today I started to get back into my running routine. Of course, for the first couple of weeks it's combo run/walk. It felt really great to get back to it, but I do feel a bit of tightness in my legs tonight.

Too bad that my mini-anxiety attack drove me to the freezer and a big bowl of maple walnut ice cream.