Initiation

I'm going to break my rule of not blogging about work because something pretty funny happened at work yesterday. It was my first time closing the store by myself, without other managers present. As my colleague was leaving the store at 6:30, we noticed a girl in the store had a dog with her. Dogs are only allowed in the mall if they are not walking on their own, if someone is carrying them, or they're being pushed (I saw a dog once in a really funny little doghouse on wheels type stroller). Usually people carry their dogs around in those cute little tote bags when they bring them to the mall. But not this girl. This girl was just carrying her dog (a Maltese) in her arms, and didn't have a leash or anything with her either. Then, this girl decided that she wanted to look at some jeans and she set that doggie down on a table full of T-shirts. My colleague rushed over and told her that if she would like to continue shopping in the store, she would have to keep him in her arms. She had a look of embarassment on her face, and quickly scooped the dog up. My colleague left the store.

Like ten minutes later, my associate who was in charge of the dressing rooms came out with a funny look on his face. That girl with the dog had snuck in there when he wasn't looking. Then, as she was trying on clothes, that dog had run all around the dressing rooms, in and out from under other people's doors, and that girl just kept calling to the dog "Come back Dog (or whatever its name was), come back." But that dog didn't listen. Then, that dog decided that it needed to pee, and did so, on the carpet. Then the girl grabbed the dog, and left the store, without so much as an apology, nor did she offer to clean up her doggie's mess.

I love dogs, and am used to cleaning up messes, but come on! What kind of person is so disrespectful and ignorant? What if the other people trying on clothes don't like doggies? What if they're allergic? What if that doggie had peed on merchandise? That would have been expensive for that lady, and I wonder if she knows it.

It was definitely a memorable first close by myself. When my manager called me later in the night to see how everything was going, I told her what happened. She was laughing hysterically, and then told me about the time a giant seeing-eye dog took a dump in front of the cash. I think that would have been easier to clean up.

Random thoughts about the guy who taught me to read.

I am not finding the new season of Lost very gripping, and am currently watching re-runs of the Sopranos because they are more interesting.

They just showed a scene where Junior Soprano tries to make himself some kind of milkshake, but he forgets to put the cover on the blender, and it sprays everywhere. For the first time ever, I realized how much Junior Soprano reminds me of my grandfather. Except my grandfather's nose is smaller. And he's more funny than cranky. And he's cuter.

Of all the people that I miss, I miss him the most. It's easier to take the other people in my family for granted, seeing as they are younger, if you know what I'm saying. In the back of my mind there is always that concern, and so it makes me miss him a whole lot. My upbringing was a team effort - I lived with my mom and her husband from the age of five on, but for the first five years of my life, my grandparents raised me. And for many years I visited them (and when my grandmother died, I visited him) every weekend that I could. So really, he's like a dad for me, only better. I can only think he's better than a dad, but I don't have a dad to compare him to, so.... but I'm pretty sure he's better than a dad.

Anyway, when I saw Junior Soprano spraying milkshake everywhere, it made me think of my grandfather. I can picture him in the kitchen, trying to fix himself a nice milkshake while his wife is out somewhere (although I think they are rarely apart, they are cute together), and spraying the milkshake everywhere. He would make this noise he makes when things surprise him, kind of a "Ho po po po po" and he would scramble to turn it off. Then he would throw his hands up as he stared down the blender, then he would see the mess, and say "Son of a Bitch" really loud.

When my grandfather and his wife visited us last March, he had a 20 minute conversation with a "homeless person" outside of the restaurant we went to. The man was begging for change, and my grandfather just went over and started chatting. When he was finally ready to go inside, he shook the man's hand and we made our way in. Then he said "That guy was wearing a pair of $180 snowmobiling boots - I'm not giving him a dime." My Papa, he can spot a scammer.

Here is a picture of my Papa taking one of his thirty catnaps per day, but don't tell him that it's here. I think he would be embarassed, even though I'm not sure he's ever seen the internet. I know he knows what it is, but I can't imagine anyone getting him to sit still long enough to actually see it. I will pay anyone out there $25 whole dollars if you can get my Papa on the internet.

Smells Like Teen Spirit

I think that I have found myself smack dab in the middle of my quarter life crisis, without even realizing that I had entered it. Now is the point in my life when I am supposed to be starting out on my career path, making my life happen and all that crap. I have a job, but I don't want to be doing that job forever. I don't want to do any job forever. I want to write - that's all. Having a job is distracting me from that goal, and it sucks. I thought that changing jobs would help make it happen - that my old job was so stressful and political and shitty that I was getting caught up in the bullshit, and thus not producing anything. During the time I had off between jobs, I did some work on a couple of projects, just getting all my ideas on paper (or at least into a Word document). Now that I've started my new job, I'm always tired, and stressed that I suck at it, and all I want to do is sleep.

I feel a lot of pressure, a lot of the time, to make money so we can get this house thing going and this wedding thing going. But I feel like I'm settling, and so can't be happy doing what I'm doing. I don't feel motivated, or excited about starting my life, I just feel pressure.

To me, pressure does not have that "get going to it" factor, the factor that makes some people who are under pressure kick into gear and start tearing through all the stuff they want to do. I don't have the factor, usually. I generally am an under-pressure cracker, and go into complete shut-down mode. And there is a difference between stress and pressure. I usually work well in stressful situations. But pressure is different. And I don't like it. Or at least, I don't respond well to it.

I thought I was through with all these angst issues when I made it through puberty. Part of me feels like I may be depressed, like needing medication depressed. Part of me feels that I just need to suck it up and quit whining about it.

His Cheatin' Heart?

For whatever reason, I have been left to my own devices once again on my evening off. I have not been seeing a whole lot of Sexy Boyfriend lately during the week, and it is starting to get rather frustrating. For example, last Monday, I was off, but of course, SB (Sexy Boyfriend) had to work cause he has one of those coveted 9 to 5ers. However, this day did not end at five. Or even at six, for that matter. This day ended at 9pm. I did not see my man until 9pm, until I was ready to roll into bed and say Goodnight Gracie to the tune of Horatio Caine's crazy one-liners that aren't supposed to be jokes.

The weekend was much better - we spent oodles of time together, and with the pets, and we were starting to feel like a real live family again.

Today, I finished work at a nice and early 4pm. I did some shopping, and left the mall at like 5. I called SB, to see if by chance I would be able to pick him up and we could actually eat a meal together. But he was in a meeting, and couldn't talk long, and the most I got was "I'll be home later". It is now almost 10pm, and still no sign of SB, although he has signed off of Messenger, which is usually a good sign. These long hours lead me to believe that SB is doing one of two things:

1) Closing the deal, as in he has another girlfriend and is "Closing the Deal" with her as we speak.
or
2) Closing the deal, as in closing a deal at work with a really big client he's been working with for like a year and a half, which could mean a super big bonus, which could mean that we might actually be able to put a down payment on a home, or a duplex, or a condo, or a travel trailer by the springtime, which means no more apartment livin'!

So, I'm not sure if I should be super suspicious, or super patient. For now, I have chosen to do neither, but instead to indulge in McD's, then a snack of avocado (mmmmmmmm) and a Bloody Caesar, which by the way I mixed pretty damn well if I do say so myself.

My Worthless Opinion on Fall TV Part 3: NBC is exempt.

Rather than roast NBC's new shows, I just want to thank NBC profusely for putting Chris Noth back on TV. Yes, Chris Noth has reprised his role as Mike Logan, which he played on the original Law & Order, and who is now featured on Law & Order: Criminal Intent. I love Chris Noth, and bringing him back automatically overrides any programming errors and idiocracy NBC may or may not be perpetrating this year. Plus, this show also features Vincent D'Onofrio, another one of my weird celebrity crushes.

I am also very excited for this season of the West Wing, since I'm pretty sure Jimmy Smits will be the next new president, and since Bradley Whitford's character, Josh, will most likely be back. He is my favorite. NBC, you just can't go wrong by me.

Today has been extremely relaxing in that I have stayed in my pyjamas all day long, even to walk the dogs at 12:30pm (which drew an up and down look of disappointment from Sexy Boyfriend, which I ignored). I reviewed some of my training materials for work, and promptly had a mental breakdown when I realized that this Thursday I will be closing the store BY MYSELF because of some scheduling constraints. Although I have been assured that our cash specialist will be closing with me, so basically I will have to not do much more than press a few buttons on the controller, set the alarm, and lock the door behind me, it's still kinda freaking me out.

Carrie and Big 4ever.

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Today was our Homecoming football game at Bishop's, so of course we had to make the trek down to Lennoxville to take part in the festivities. When I was a student at Bishop's, cheering on the Gaiters at football games was an excuse to drink in public, to dress weird, and to spew profanity at the opposing team, the referees, and each other. It seems that nothing has changed. We used to throw on as much purple as we could find, head over to Coulter field, and drink the afternoon away while screaming things like: "The ref beats his wife! The ref beats his wife!", and "Stop that kick, stop that punt, kick that cheerleader in the - GAITERS GAITERS."

Going back is always strange, but all in all we had a pretty good time - the profanity was at a minimum, for some reason, and there was no streaker this year, which was a big disappointment. Also, the actual football part hasn't changed - we still suck. We lost like 31-17 or something like that. There was only one guy on the team who seemed to be doing anything at all - everytime they did something good you would hear ".....by #32, Jamal Lee!!!!!" Jamal is my hero.

Also, I have never seen quite so many people peeing in public. As we left our neighborhood in Montreal, we saw some random guy peeing right outside The Bay. This should have been an indicator as to how our day would go. Next, we saw a car pulled over on the side of the highway, with a buy peeing in the ditch. While at the game, we spotted a guy all the way across the field who peed on an RDS (French sports television) scaffolding, and then went back to the stands to watch the game. On our way to the car after the game, we saw two guys wrestling on a lawn, then they jumped up and ran toward some bushes. There was a guy peeing there, I'm assuming it was a friend of theirs, and they pushed him over mid-pee. Then they all proceeded to pee together. Then, on our way home, we saw another car on the highway pulled over, and another guy peeing onto the side of the road.

It almost makes me wish I was a boy.

Kids I don't hate

Tonight was Barbie's birthday dinner. Yay!!!! We went to the Red Stick (Baton Rouge), and it really annoys me that they only have round tables. We were a group of 12, so they had to put two tables together, which doesn't work very well with round tables. Plus, when she called for the reservation, they told her "Okay, we can take your group, but we can only give you a maximum of two hours." What the hell kind of restaurant tells a client that? But, the food was great, and the service was pretty good, so it turned out not so bad.

My friend Ems brought her two babies with her to dinner, who are 7 and 3. These two are some of the only kids I've met that don't give me an aversion to having kids of my own one day. The 7 year old is funny, and cool. We stopped at the mall before dinner and she was dancing to the music, but not in a little kid kind of way, but in a cool, smooth hip-hop kind of way, like she was groovin'.

The little guy is much more rambunctious, and has an attitude that is probably typical of little boys - he wants what he wants when he wants it, and he is determined. Once, I babysat them, and he cried for like half an hour cause he wanted more canteloupe, but he had already eaten like half of a melon. But he doesn't whine or cry like a regular kid, he growls. So funny. And he has the appetite of a linebacker - it's like he's never full - but he's so skinny, I don't know what he does with it all. As Sexy Boyfriend said "Hey, any kid who sticks his whole face in a basket of french fries instead of using his hands is okay with me."

Grrrr!!!!

I am so MAD right now!!! I just wrote a really nice update post with little updates about all the stuff going on in my life, and it took me like half an hour, and then I went and clicked the nice little "Publish Post" button, but instead of getting a nice little "Post Published" message, I get a "There has been an error processing your request - our engineers are working on this issue" message. I don't want an "our engineers are working on this issue" message, I want a "Post Published" message, or at the very least an "our engineers are working on it, but we have kindly saved your post until this problem is fixed" message. But not only are the engineers working on it, but they are not saving what I have written. They are not saving any part of it. They are just letting it fall to the wayside, with no regard to the time or the thought that was put into writing my post. Is it because my post about Bishop's Homecoming was too boring for public viewing? Is Blogger keeping me from becoming everybody's bedtime reading? I'm so mad.

Work is going well. I worked on the weekend, which was a lot of fun, and very interesting. Lots of crazy people - one woman brought back a shirt and was like "My husband wore this shirt twice, and it completely fell apart." And then when she pulled the shirt out of the bag, it became obvious that either a) her husband has rancid armpits or b) he was attacked in the armpit by a dog. Either way, it's obviously not regular wear and tear on the shirt, so she is a crazy person for trying to bring it back.

You know how sometimes, your hands get dirty while you're say, working, and say, handling a lot of dirty clothes hangers, and then you forget to wash your hands before you leave work. And then you get home from work, and you are super tired, and you just flop on the sofa and turn on the TV, and start to update your blog. And then you feel something between your teeth, so you go and pick it with your nail, cause you're home alone and who care if you pick at your teeth, right? Except you forgot that you didn't wash your hands, and then you get a metal taste in your mouth. Well, that just happened to me. So, I'm going to end this post, go wash my hands, and then have a snack to get the taste out of my mouth.

The Toaster Eulogy

Today is a sad day. Today is the day that my toaster died. I put the toast in, and went about my business of making some eggs, and when I realized that I had not heard the toaster pop yet, I turned to find plain old bread, and a non-functioning toaster. I tried the toaster in several sockets throughout the kitchen, but to no avail. So tonight, we have to buy a new toaster. And for breakfast I had to toast my bread old-school style, in a pan. It tasted weird and was a bit soggy.

My mom bought me my toaster when I started university. I am a serious breakfast eater, and must eat something before leaving the house in the morning, be it cereal, bagels, toast, etc. So, during my first year of university when I found it impossible to drag my ass to the dining hall for cafeteria breakfast, that toaster enabled brain function through my first three classes of the day by supplying me with scrumptious bagels or toast.

It was probably a $30 toaster - plain white, with regular sized slots and a little dial to control the toastiness. It had the perfect level of sophisticatedness and disposability a college student needs - who knows what random act could throw that toaster off its perch, across the concrete floor, and thus require a replacement to be brought in? But it did the job, and never acted cranky or moody - the only time it ever burned my toast was when I was an idiot and set the dial too high. Or when I cut my bagel wrong, and the toaster got stuck, and because I'm impatient, the toaster was left unattended and my bagel burned.

So, goodbye, dear Toastmaster Toaster. Tonight, you will be replaced. Hopefully by something stainless and shiny, maybe with four slots, maybe with touch-button settings instead of dials, maybe with a removable crumb tray, and definitely with slots that accomodate bagels.

I Heart Meg White

Last night I went to see the White Stripes with my friend Jaimie. I was absolutely blown away. I mean, I love the White Stripes as much as the next guy, but now I really believe that you don't get the full magnitude until you see them live. First of all, I used to think that I wanted to marry Jack White, but now, I'm pretty sure I want to marry Meg. She was captivating - I can't believe how tiny she is with all the banging away she does - I couldn't keep my eyes off of her.

This picture isn't from the show I saw, but for those of you not familiar with Meg White and her crazy robot arms, this is her.

Also, it's baffling how so much great sound can come out of two people. Just two people. On a stage with a bunch of instruments (including huge timpani drums and a giant xylophone), two people - CRAZY. I would pay to see them again tomorrow if they had another show. So awesome.

When I got home from the amazing show, my apartment smelled like cigars cause Sexy Boyfriend had some friends over for poker. I love cigars, but I can't stand the smell that lingers - luckily today the smell is gone thanks to rigorous fan action all day. After those boys left, we had a little snack, and then, The Violence.

Charlie really likes food. And he doesn't like when anyone else is around food. So, while we were preparing our snackage in the kitchen, we were munching on some other random things, and Charlie was sitting watching us. Then Gabby decided to come into the kitchen to see what was going on. Bad idea - Charlie had no intention of letting her get between him and grub of any kind, and thus he proceeded to attack her, biting her several times, most notably in the ear. This kind of scene usually happens about once a week, but he usually doesn't bite very hard, he is more trying to scare her away. So, I crouched down and hugged Gabby and told her she was a Good Girl and that I loved her while Sexy Boyfriend banished Charlie from the kitchen.

When I stood up, Sexy Boyfriend said "There's blood on the floor" and there was blood on the floor - giant drops of blood. And blood all over my arms. I pawed and inspected Gabby, trying to find out where the blood was coming from, whilst trying not to faint. I hate blood. Finally, I found a tiny puncture on her ear. And it continued to bleed and bleed and bleed and I applied pressure diligently with a papertowel. It finally stopped bleeding, we cleaned up the mess and had our snack and all was right in the land.

Until the ear started bleeding again! I couldn't believe it. So, again with the pressure and the clean-up, and finally we ended up putting a clear bandaid on her ear. She kept it on all night, and I'm too scared to take it off.

I'm watching the Emmy's right now. Here are a few comments I have:
1. Of all the Arquettes, Patricia is by far the least creepy, however still creepy enough that I will never ever ever watch the show Medium
2. I love the award for best writing in a variety show - they always show either funny pictures of the writers, or pretend the writers are people they aren't. One show this year (I think it was Da Ali G Show) showed pictures of porn star faces while they were orgasming. Hilarious.
3. Donald Trump looks funny without a tie and should keep his tiny old lady arms covered at all times.

I'm out for now - I am pretty excited that I can be found using the Blogger blog search tool (www.blogger.com), however my goal of making Google hasn't happened yet. One day, one day.

My Worthless Opinion on Fall TV Part 2

The ABC fall lineup looks pretty dismal. Last year, they go lucky with Lost, and Desperate Housewives, and even luckier with mid-season replacement Grey's Anatomy, but this year doesn't look very exciting at all. Here are my least favorite new releases from ABC:

1. NightStalker - apparently this is a re-make show, and it stars Stuart Townsend (Charlize Theron's pseudo-hubby), and Gabrielle Union. It's about a reporter who investigates strange crime and phenomena that are supernatural in nature because his wife died mysteriously. It sounds kinda like the X-files, vigilante-style, mixed with the Fugitive's "Who killed my wife?" premise. I hate shows with an on-going goal (Who killed my wife?) because eventually either a) you find out who did it, and then things get boring, or b) you don't find out who did it, and it gets annoying and boring. I'm already bored.

2. Invasion - a show about alien invasion. More X-files inspired drama. I like aliens as much as the next person, but when you're talking alien invasion, you're more talking 3-night mini-series than 10-season run. Eventually, those aliens are gonna getcha, and probably sooner than later. Unless the characters from this show hide out on the "Lost" island, I don't foresee them being around come February.

3. Freddie - I feel bad for Freddie Prinze Jr. He seems like a nice guy. The show's premise doesn't even seem that stupid. But by god, when you team up with a former member of 90210(Brian Austin Green, now calling himself just Brian Green), you can't be expecting much. And I highly doubt Green is very funny. Unless he's pretending to be ghetto, like he was doing there a few years ago, but that wasn't funny on purpose.

4. Commander in Chief - You should not try to rival a great show like The West Wing. One president is enough on TV, whether real or fictional, and between September and June, I only want to see Martin Sheen, and with any luck, Jimmy Smits will be replacing him. Plus, the idea of a female president is great, however I don't really buy Geena Davis as a female, let alone the president, so....

Soon to come, which new NBC shows you should avoid, from my un-informed point of view.

How's My Driving? Call 1-800-KG-'O'-QUAILS

Today, boys and girls, I would like to give you a little seminar about proper driving techniques.

1. If you are too scared to pass a transport truck, then move your ass out of the way by actually changing lanes, pulling behind said truck, thus opening up the lane for those of us who actually have a pair of balls and are able to drive under such stressful circumstances.

2. Merging lanes are for merging, and their lines are painted that way for a reason. You should use as much of the merging lane as possible - that means if the line is still solid, not broken, you should not be merging. You should be speeding up, so that when you finally actually do merge, you don't make the person behind you almost rear-end you, and then follow you at a snail's pace while you pick your moment to change lanes in your version of the Fast and the Furious, only like 200 km slower.

3. As to changing lanes, don't do it when the lines say you can't. There are solid lane lines near merge areas for a reason - people are coming from all directions, and if you are someone dumb enough to change lanes in this area, you probably aren't paying attention well enough to see everyone who's coming at you.

4. In general, STOP PISSING ME OFF!!! Car time is Alone Time, and I like to put on the iPod, cruise to work, or home from work, and let my mind relax for half an hour. When you piss me off, it seriously impedes the de-stressing nature of my Alone Time. Sometimes my blood pressure gets so dangerously high, I have to be thankful I love my car so much cause it's all I can do to keep from running my cute little Jetta's front end right up your ass.

So, to recap, stop pissing me off, and everyone just drive like maybe you once actually passed a driver's test, and that maybe you have some kind of respect for other people on the road, or at least drive as though you might have one brain cell still alive in your head that hasn't been fried by the alcohol/drugs you consumed before getting on the road, the cigarette you are lighting as you try and change lanes, and the cell phone that seems permanently attached to your head and hand.

In happier road news, I followed a truck home today that said "You are following the King of Quails" It was a really big truck, and I wonder if it was really full of quails.

I'm off tomorrow, and am very glad. I have to buy new shoes for work, my back and feet can't take much more of this. But, work is very very good, even though I'm exhausted, it's a good exhausted, with no stomach pains and no migraines. I barely think of work at all when I'm at home, which is super odd for me.

My Worthless Opinion on Fall TV Part 1

I don't really feel like posting about work. Just know that it is fun, and I'm liking it so far, but I'm finding it exhausting because a) I'm learning a lot of stuff and b) I'm used to sitting on my ass all day long either at work or home, so being on my feet is tough.

It's Big Brother AND Rock Star Night, so here I am on the sofa, barely able to keep my eyes open. I hate Ivette so much, and she just won the Power of Veto, which means she is in the final three. If she wins the money, I will never watch Big Brother ever again. I will banish Big Brother from my house, and I will write a strongly worded letter to CBS telling them they need to allow viewers to vote for who they want to evict, like they did in the first season. Right now, April and Ivette are fighting and turning on each other, which is hilarious, because they are part of "The Friendship" and are supposed to be "Friends" and "respectful of each other". Maggie looks like she's going to cry. Or laugh. I'm not sure. It's hilarious.

Every year at this time, the new television season begins. I usually get sucked in by at least 87 shows, but I also tend to pass judgement on umpteen other programs, which I'm sure are fine programs unto themselves, however for whatever reason, be it a dumb premise, or maybe just a sucky promo ad, I think they look stupid and continually bash them until they stop airing the commercials, or the show, or both. So, I thought I would share some of my feeling with you, Internet. I'd like to start with the current self-professed number one network, CBS. (I have done no research whatsoever to see if this claim is true.)

1. Criminal Minds - A show about profilers in the FBI profiling criminals to catch them. I think this show was already on TV, and it was called The Profiler. I'm not a fan of recycled TV - or maybe I am and am just using that as an excuse to hate this show. Plus, it stars Mandy Patinkin, who I thought was dead before I saw him hawking some kind of weird cholesterol medication, that will probably give you cancer or heart disease or diarrhea, (at least one of these, I can almost guarantee) on TV this summer, and now the ads for this show.

2. Out of Practice - I just don't like sitcoms. I can't remember the last half hour show I started watching. Plus I don't think I could ever find Henry Winkler funny after seeing him as a crazy-assed psycho guy on Third Watch. And I'm mad that Stockard Channing is moving on the from The West Wing, even though I knew she wouldn't be in the White House this year anyway cause it's her husbands last month in office. But I like her on the West Wing - she should not be allowed to do any other shows. Especially with Fonzie.

3. How I Met Your Mother - Another sitcom, this one featuring that creepy flute girl from American Pie, and Doogie Howser. How innovative of CBS to cast a sitcom with an actor who played an iconic role that he can't possibly be separated from (Doogie) and who also scared the shit out of me on a kick-ass show on NBC (Law and Order, Criminal Intent).

4. Ghost Whisperer - From the network's point of view, NBC put out Medium and it ended up pretty popular (I personally give Medium less than another year on the air), so it would be brilliant of them to saturate the market with this crap, and see if they can split the difference. I've seen some pretty bad shows survive a season on Friday nights, only to be actually watched and kicked off the air in their sophomore season (Joan of Arcadia). However, at least these shows (Joan of Arcadia) had a half decent cast supporting their cockamamee premises, and unfortunately, Ghost Whisperer only has Jennifer Love Hewitt. So sad for her that Party of Five had to end, and thus her career as well. Bet she wishes she had stayed with Carson Daly.

This week I'd also like to go through NBC and ABC, but I won't bother touching Fox, cause pretty much everything on Fox sucks, except maybe Arrested Development, which I only watch occasionally cause it's a sitcom.

Coffee, are you breaking up with me?

For obvious reasons, I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night, despite drugging myself with the only sleep aid I currently have in my possession (NyQuil). I tossed and turned all night worrying about how today would go. I fell asleep pretty quickly, but woke up every hour, on the hour, worried I would sleep through my alarm, even though Sexy Boyfriend had to get up at the same time as me, and thus set his alarm as well. Then, at 5:00, when I had finally gotten rolling with a full hour and a half of uninterrupted, non-neurotic, restful sleep, my cat decided it was time to be a jackass and started scratching stuff, which wakes me up, and then I had to get up and lock him out of the room, and then it took me 15 minutes to fall back to sleep. Then the alarm went off at 6:14.

Do you ever do that? I only set my alarm for times that do not end in 0 or 5. I will never set it for 6:00, always 6:01, and never 6:35, it would be 6:34 or 6:36. I think that I think it's bad luck. I'm not sure why.

Anyway, the commute to work went surprisingly well. I was very paranoid I would be late, but made it with plenty of time to spare. I was, however, very disappointed that the Starbucks in the mall I now work in does not open until 10am, while I have to be for work at 9. So I couldn't get a coffee. So sad. This meant that I basically drug my ass around for the whole day, cause I barely slept, and had no caffeine. Oh, sweet Caffeine, with your mind-buzzingness and your throat warmy-ness, why do you foresake me? Why in my hour of need do you refuse to reveal yourself? Is this a test?

Because of the circumstances that surrounded Dooce's professional demise, I want to blog about work as little as possible, and will not divulge the company for which I now work. All I will say is that it is in clothing retail, and it's in the mall. Very different from selling cheap Swedish furniture over the phone while working in an office. Very different. So, it makes sense that I would be very nervous. However, I was pleasantly surprised by the friendliness of my new co-workers. Usually, in any service industry establishment, from retail to food service, the weekdays are staffed by "The Regulars". These are usually people with families, who are no longer students, sometimes middle aged or older. And even when they are the sweetest people in the world, they usually are quite suspect of new people and can seem a little stand-offish. But these guys weren't. They were all very friendly, and even though I know they aren't perfect, and neither am I, at least we are starting in a better place than you usually start in.

Today was pretty overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time. While I was very anxious, and unsure, and stressed, and thus used up all my energy in the first half hour I was there (maybe if I'd had a coffee it would have been better), I also wasn't bombarded with way too much information and way too many new things. I helped out on the floor a lot of the day, folding and re-stocking and getting to know my way around a bit, and the other part of the day I watched training videos, filled out some paperwork, and tested my keys and codes and stuff.

I feel exhausted, and am ready to collapse. I was even way too tired to go shopping for shoes. That should give you an indication of how tired I am. Please forgive me if I told you I would call you tonight and you don't hear from me. I want to take advantage of my exhaustedness and maybe get a restful night's sleep.

A stroke of luck

We went to an outdoor cafe in the Old Port, which wasn't actually so bad, cause it's right on the water, and there is a whole promenade that is cement, so I didn't have to actually be amongst any outdoorsy, allergen-ridden things. However, I did take an allergy medicine before going out, which caused me to be pretty drowsy. We left a message for the couple with the baby, but they were busy. Yay!

After the cafe, I said "We should go to the casino - it was fun when I went with my mom, we could go for like 1/2 hour or something." So, away we went, each with $20. We played some nickel machines, which is fun when you are only willing to spend $20, and I thought I was doing quite well when I was up like $5. I was having fun, telling Sexy Boyfriend "You should bet more rows, no you have to press that button to make it play those ones." He had no clue what he was doing. Then, I hear Sexy Boyfriend's machine whistling, and playing songs, and stuff, and I look over and he won like 2800 credits, which in nickels is like $140!!! So, he cashed out, then I lost all my money, then we left. I'm glad that at least one of us is lucky, and I'm also glad he is a sharing kinda guy - he took me out for dinner.

Tomorrow, I start my new job. I am very excited, but also very nervous. This is the first time I've been hired somewhere and been the only person getting trained. I've always had at least one other person to measure myself against, and relate to. But now I'm alone. And I have no idea if anyone at this place was rejected for this job that I got, and would therefore be bitter. And I haven't worked in retail for like five years, so that's going to be weird. I'm sure that it will end up alright, but change is scary, and I tend to like my routines. I think I will feel a bit anxious until I get my footing.

If I die of allergies, does it count as negligent homicide?

Tomorrow, I start my new job. Luckily, for now anyway, my biggest concern about the whole thing is "what am I going to wear?" I'm also pretty pre-occupied by finding some new shoes to wear at this new job, because I will be on my feet a lot, and thus won't be able to wear heels. I think that after work tomorrow I will do a little shopping.

I'm pretty sure Sexy Boyfriend is trying to kill me. I told him to make the plans for what we will do today on my last day of pseudo-unemployed vacation, and this is what he decided: We will take a nice walk along the canal (outside) and stop for a drink or dessert at a cafe on the canal (outside), then we will go to the market (outside) to pick up something for dinner. I couldn't think of anything better to do, so I wasn't able to rebut this suggestion. I give myself about 1/2 an hour before my allergies are raging out of control. Should be a lovely afternoon. Then, he mentions that we should go visit his friends who just had a baby (!!!). I made a face that said "I'm scared", and he quickly said "They have a doggie...." Maybe they won't be home and we won't get to visit them. I would feel better if we went when that baby no longer has that bobbly baby head.

I will let you know how the day ends up.

Anderson Cooper, please marry me!

I'm not sure if I will have time to post tomorrow because of my hectic social schedule, plus I've had some wine, so it's a double post day!!!!

Can I just say that I am in love with Anderson Cooper? Obviously a young-ish guy with white hair is a turn-on (okay, so if you read my 100 things post, you know I get weird celebrity crushes), but when I saw him telling off Sen. Mary Landrieu on TV, I said "I'm going to marry Anderson Cooper." I really don't like talking about things that are difficult like the Katrina disaster - especially when they have such a political aspect. Who am I to comment? Who am I to have any kind of opinion? I am not informed, except for what I see on TV. All I can do is feel sympathy and try to help as best I can, and that's all that's really relevant. But it's so good to see people who have been trained to remove the human aspect of their being during their professional life (reporters, media, etc) using their voice to get the real message out. And challenging the people who are trying to snowball the public, and put a spin on things.

So, Anderson Cooper, if you are ever in Montreal, you are my hero du jour, and I would marry you.

In other, non-serious comments on the world, I am also in love with Natalie Portman in "Garden State". That character, Samantha, is all of the silly, funny, wonderful things that I wish to be but never quite am. Sometimes life gets in the way of dreams that beautiful.

I was also reading one of my favorite blog sites, Dooce, and I found out something funny. I am always very careful to not mention any names of employers or specific offenders on my blog when I am disgruntled/pissed off. The author of Dooce was actually fired from her job because she blogged about her workplace. You can read all about it here. Begin at the bottom, ("Reasons I Should Not be Allowed to Work from Home"). It makes me kinda thankful that I got out of my old shitty job when I did because this was the path I was on.

Who's been drooling on my pillow?

My dogs spend pretty much the whole day sleeping. They are old, and they are lazy, and that's just what they do. They usually take up shop on our bed, under the air conditioning, and just sleep the day away. Usually I don't mind, but sometimes, Charlie likes to cuddle up to the pillows a little too much. And Charlie drools a lot, not when he's sleeping, but other times, so often this will leave spots all over our pillows - usually more Sexy Boyfriend's than mine, since Charlie hates me. When I catch Charlie on my pillow, I yell "Charlie, come get a treat" and then he jumps off, and most likely when he goes back, he will not choose my pillow.

I was planning on getting up this morning and watching the last movie of all the movies I rented last week. They were due back today, so we watched one last night, and I kept Office Space to watch this morning. I have to go get some allergy medicine this afternoon, so I was going to drop them off on the way. However, after I had had my cereal and made some coffee and was all ready to get settled in to watch Office Space, which I haven't seen in a while, so was really looking forward to, I realized that Sexy Boyfriend had returned the movies before work this morning. I know he was just doing something nice, and any other time I would have been like "Sweet, I don't have to stop at the video store" cause I don't have the car so running errands takes forever. But I'm really sad I don't get to watch Office Space today. Have you seen my stapler?

For Big Brother fans (Sara), last night's episode was pretty disappointing - they evicted Howie, and I am so sad. But, Janelle did win HOH, so I'm hoping she is going to kick ass the rest of the way.

The people inside the house have a very skewed view of reality, and it's hilarious. There were two groups inside the house, The Friendship and The Sovereign Six. The Friendship pretend like they are a big huge love-fest, and above everyone, and beyond reproach, and The Sovereign Six were there to play the game, and never pretended otherwise. The Friendship always talked about how vapid the other group is, how they are only after money, how they have no morals, blah blah blah. There came a point where the two groups made a deal to play together for two weeks to target two specific players, get them out, and then they would go back to fighting it out amongst each other. And that's when the Friendship blatantly lied and backstabbed to get ahead.

The members of the Sovereign Six were just more likeable in general, but now it's extra hilarious because they keep doing "America's Choice" polls, and Janelle keeps winning (she was in the Sovereign Six). And then everyone in the Friendship is like "How can America like her better than us, wah wah wah?" and they cry and moan, and I'm like "maybe if you weren't rats, people would like you more."

I think it's kinda sad how Big Brother is taking over my life, but I'm not going to fight it.

Fall = Death

My allergies are really heating up today. So far this year I have escaped the clutches of whatever the hell I'm allergic to. I have never had an allergy test, so I do not know precisely what causes my sneezies and itchies, but I know it's outside, and I know it's usually the worst this time of year.

So far I've been avoiding allergies by keeping my butt inside my whole pseudo-unemployed vacation. But, today I had my breakfast date, so I had to actually leave the house. And on the way, I dropped off Sexy Boyfriend at work, who loves to drive with the windows down in the car. By the time I got my first cup of coffee my eyes were already swelling, and I kept sneezing through the meal (Barb, Ems, sorry if I grossed you out). After breakfast, it was raining like a mother, and while you would intuitively think this would tamp down the offensive allergens, it appeared to have the opposite effect.

For most people with allergies, it's annoying. Sometimes painful, but usually manageable. But I have one problem that makes it difficult for me to function when my allergies kick in. I am somewhat phobic to blowing my nose in public. I don't like blowing my nose in general, cause it grosses me out, and also cause it gives me flashbacks to when my mom or Nanny used to help me blow my nose as a kid, and they would squeeze my nose too roughly. I have this feeling that if I blow my nose in public, I'm going to leave something hanging and not notice, and no one will tell me about it. Also, because it grosses me out so much, I tend to use way more Kleenexes than are necessary because I'm paranoid I will touch a dirty spot. When in public, I am more a nose wiper than a blower. So, for these reasons, allergy season takes its toll, what with all the running to the bathroom to blow my nose, the raw skin under the nose from all the wiping, plus the unrelated issue of itchy eyes that are all swelly. I dream of a world made of concrete.

Tonight is a Big Brother elimination night, which is a big event in my week (so sad). I love Janelle, and think she is absolutely hilarious and refreshing, and I really hope she and Howie both stay in tonight. She is the only one who just says what she feels, which usually is suicide in that game, but she gets away with it for some reason. She looks like a stereotypical bimbo blond, but she is actually very smart. The best was when they had a challenge where they had to jump into a pool, unhook these things hooked at the bottom, then run across the lawn and dump these thingies in some bins. All the other girls competing were in little bikini bathing suits that they usually wear around the pool. But not Janelle. She came out in shorts and a tank top, I believe she was wearing some kind of water shoe, and she had on weightlifter gloves. It was the best!!! Anyway, Go Janelle and Howie!!!

In other news, yay my site has had over 300 visitors!!! Please keep visiting, and feel free to tell your friends. And if you don't have friends, you can tell random people on the street who look like they might enjoy the plethora of useless information I provide on my site free of charge.

Why Can't I Sleep?

Sometimes, I get really bad insomnia. Usually it happens when I'm stressed out, but sometimes it just randomly happens. It's like I can't turn off my brain, it just keeps going and going about really stupid things to be thinking about at 2am. Like "What will I wear to work on Monday?" and "Maybe the novel I've been working on should be in first person, not third" or "What will I order tomorrow at my breakfast date?". I also get really hot when I can't sleep, so I get up and check the air conditioner like ten times to make sure it's on the "high cool" setting, because not only does Sexy Boyfriend like to trick me by taking his socks off, he likes to turn down the air conditioning when I'm not looking. Why does he have to mess with my head?

My last thought tonight while lying in bed was "Hmm, I wonder if I got paid yet..." to which I immediately hopped out of bed to check online if my account is updated. It is not.

Earlier today, I caught a re-run episode of the original CSI, and both moms from the OC were in the same show!!! (Julie and Kirsten) One played a dominatrix (guess which one) and the other was a crazy lawyer lady. What are the chances that they would both guest-star on the same show, in the same episode, years before being cast in another show together? So weird.

Also, I did the hair dye deed today. It took forever (over two hours!!!) but I think it turned out not so bad this time. Sexy Boyfriend approves, and I have a breakfast date tomorrow with two friends, so we'll see what they think. It's still pretty bright though, which is usually the case for like a week with at-home haircolor. L'Oreal, I guess you win this round.

For those of you wondering, I still did not get paid.

Newfoundland Traffic Report

I am a TV addict, and am also fortunate enough to have satellite TV. Because we have satellite, I have feeds of CTV from all across the country.

Every day, around this time of day, NTV (Newfoundland's television station) airs the Newfoundland traffic report. I'm not even joking. They show live feed from like 5 or 6 locations and comment on the traffic flow. I have never seen more than three cars on the screen. And the guy is just like "highway blah blah blah out of Booneyville - all clear there" in such a serious way, and you're watching like "Dude, there is never traffic there - ever!" It would make more sense if they did a regular weather report at this time, and if there are any traffic issues, mention them then. Maybe it's all one big joke they are making about themselves. I don't know.

My offer and my iPod did not come yesterday, much to my chagrin, but they did both come today. My offer had less information in it than I expected - just the offer itself and some insurance forms. Can't wait for Monday to find out more about the job - up until now I've felt really confident, but I'm starting to doubt myself cause I have so much time on my hands, thus time to think about everything that could go wrong. Also, I spoke with my New Boss today and she was like "we have all kinds of stuff going on next week, so it will be a pretty crazy time for you to be coming on board." Yikes.

My iPod is back, but it is not my iPod. It is a BRAND NEW one!!! Yay! I hope this one doesn't have the same issues. If it does have the same issues, I hope they happen in the next couple of months cause my warrantee runs out in March. We are going to go tonight and buy a case for it, or a skin, or something to keep the screen from getting scratched.

If you are travelling to Gander today, be advised that there are two cars travelling there, but if you're going to Goose Bay, it's all clear.

A Nice Girl Gets a Nice Hairdo, and Then.....

Once upon a time, about two years ago, a nice girl decided to treat herself to a nice hair makeover. A super-fancy, super-expensive cut, color, and highlighting (ash blonde on chocolate brown). This girl was extremely happy with the results, and felt like a movie star flouncing that hair around. Her hair was not only blonder than ever (usually at-home colors turned her brown hair a weird copper color), but the texture had changed in such a way that it held a curl for more than five minutes with less than two bottles of hairspray. It was a happy time in this girl's life, full of non-ponytail days and compliments galore.

Then the hair grew out. As it grew out, the blonde highlights started to look a little weird. So, this girl put a semi-permanent, light brown color on top of it all to smooth things out a bit. This new hair looked okay, but was not as fun and excited as the super hairdo was. People talked less about the hair than they used to. The girl started to think about heading back to the salon for some new highlights. But, alas, the budget would not allow. So, this girl did the only thing she could think.

She dropped 25 bucks on an at-home highlighting kit.

In defense of this product, it was August. It was at least 40 degrees in the apartment. This girl was tired, and impatient, and probably didn't give her highlight application the time and attention it deserved because her arms were tired, and sweat was dripping everywhere, and the dog was growling at the mailman. The brush on the tiny applicator wand bent under desperate strokes. The box said to lay the highlights on top of the normal hair, that the color would not bleed. Maybe it was the sweat, or the heat, or the careless application, but that color did bleed. And the color, of course, was not the color on the box. It was fluorescent. And the splotches, oh the splotches.

After much internet researching, this girl discovered that if you have had professional highlighting or bleaching of any kind done, it is usually a good idea to have the color neutralized or something like that before attempting an at-home color. Huh.

The girl also discovered that to fix any major screw-ups like this one, it is best to return to a stylist. However, this girl could not afford this option, especially after spending 25 bucks on the color in the first place. So, the girl put a semi-permanent ultra-dark color on top, and it turned out not so bad.

Now, today this girl took a trek to Pharmaprix because this girl's cat threw her deodorant off the dresser and it crumbled into tiny non-usable pieces. On-sale in this pharmacy was the same at-home highlighting kit. Like $8 off. So, this girl decided to give it another chance, now that the weather is nice and cool, and her hair has not been bleached for over two years.

We will see how it turns out, but I have a feeling that if her hair turns out splotchy or neon colored or both, this girl will be sending someone at L'Oreal a strongly worded letter.

I Just Wanna Look Like a Princess

Okay, so a real post after my two day craze to change my format.

Tomorrow my formal offer should arrive by mail. I will wait patiently, and then will accost the mailman as he comes up the stairs. If it is not here tomorrow, I will be very sad. I don't have a whole lot else to look forward to during my time off.

Also, hopefully tomorrow, my iPod will be coming back home. I had to send it in for service, and they picked it up on Thursday evening. I got an email Saturday saying they were sending it back, repaired. I hope it gets back tomorrow. I hope it's fixed. Actually, no I don't hope it's fixed, I hope that they sent me a new or refurbished one cause mine had a slight scratch in the very middle of the screen which was very annoying. And I hope that the *new one* (wish, hope) doesn't have the same problem. I'll be very upset if it does.

We went to the Let's Get Married show on Sunday - it's like a home show, but all wedding stuff. Sexy Boyfriend actually went with me, which was nice, because a) it's him I'm marrying, so I like that he's getting involved, and b) he carried all the heavy magazines and stuff that they give out. After the show, I had a minor mental break.

I'm stressed about having a wedding. I want nothing more in life than to have that "Perfect Day", and I have a picture in my head about what I want and it's all lovely and wonderful. But then I think about all the things that could give me headaches, and will give me headaches, and are giving me headaches, and I think I want to run away to Vegas.

1)The Dress - I have one opportunity in my life to look like a princess. I don't want to be a plump princess, or, god forbid, a fat princess, I want to be the me I was when I started dating Sexy Boyfriend. I was not tiny by any stretch, but I looked good. Better. So sad. I have resolved to lose at least 20 pounds before even thinking of trying on dresses. Otherwise I'm scared I will get discouraged and I actually will run away to Vegas so I can get married in whatever I want cause no one will see.

2)Family travel - All of my friends either live in Montreal, or will travel from points other than NB to get here. About half of the family I will invite are in NB, and all the rest are scattered throughout points outside of Montreal. I'm pretty sure all of his family that he will invite are in NB. They will complain about getting here. They will complain about paying for lodging. They will complain about where said lodging is. They will want to be entertained while they're here (aside from the wedding). And I will be stressed. So stressed, I will run away to Vegas, maybe to live there.

3) Money - we have none. Well, we have some, but we are also trying to save for a house. Sexy Boyfriend threw out a number on how much he would like to spend per person, and I almost started to cry because not one of the places I've inquired to (big range of places) was even close. And I don't want to compromise. It's important to me that things are how I want them. And I'm okay with waiting a little longer. But I am already feeling a lot of pressure to get this thing going.

So, we medicated the breakdown with Ben and Jerry's, and I'm putting the wedding magazines away for a while.

Please bear with us during our renovations.

After two days of combing the web for a look that I liked, then 2 hours of denial, pretending that I actually knew what I was doing, then like two minutes of crying in defeat, I think I have ended up with a look that I am pretty happy with for now, but that still needs to be tweaked. Please be patient with me.

I just saw a Pedigree commercial on TV and almost started crying. The one where the people are talking about their dogs, "Jeb needed a yard, so I bought him a house", "This is Sadie, she's like my sister." etc - I am immune to that one. However, they just had a new one on with puppies frolicking about, and at the end they say "We're for puppies". Those puppies were so cute. They show a little Yorkie, and some Bulldog puppies, and a Bassett Hound puppy. So cute.

So, if you notice anything weird about my site, please let me know. I use Firefox for a browser, so if any other browsers do weird things, I would like to at least try to fix them.

No Grec for Me

I have decided to change what my blog looks like. I chose this template in a rush, just because I was anxious to get started. But now, I find it is depressing me, so hopefully within the next few days you will see a new look on my site. Also, hopefully, this new look will not fuck up the work I've done here so far.

The long weekend has been pretty great so far, with a nice mix of relaxation and activity. We thought we would maybe go to the Bishop's home opener football game today, but then with the price of gas at $1.40/L, we thought we would forego this excursion until maybe Homecoming. No Village Grec for me.

For those of you who do not know, Village Grec is like no other diner in the world. That I know of. Grec has the best souvlaki I have ever had, even better than what I had in Greece. I never go to Lennoxville without having Grec souvlaki. They also have the best poutine in the world. And they serve this poutine with the aforementioned souvlaki. So, we have a Greek/French Canadian restaurant in a predominantly Anglo town, and it's owned by some Asian family. Whatever, I don't care what the recipe is, their food is damn good.

Meet the Doggies

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have two doggies.

Gabby is my Baby Girl. I've had her since I was 15. I can't imagine being without her, even though she whines constantly (something about giving her too much attention as a puppy). But she doesn't have an attitude problem or anything. And she is extremely serious.
She is so loyal, and so sweet, and so funny. I can barely stand the thought that she is getting so old (she's 11).

The other dog is Charlie, or as I refer to him, the Mean One. We got Charlie from the SPCA when he was six. The first time I met him, he was so cute, and quiet with his big ears and big eyes. This picture best exhibits how Charlie used his wiles to lure me in:

So, I went home and told Sexy Boyfriend "I saw the cutest doggie at the SPCA today, and I think we should get him cause his profile says he's not good with children, and we don't have children, and he deserves chance." First, Sexy Boyfriend said "What the hell were you doing at the SPCA?" Then he said "Does he bark a lot?" I said "No, the whole time I was there that doggie didn't even bark once. He must be a mute or something."

We returned to the SPCA, and upon entering the building, heard a bone-chilling howling. It turned out to be Charlie. But, upon walking him, and introducing him to Gabby, we decided to give him a chance. We paid our hundred bucks and brought him home.

And this is when Charlie turned into psycho mean dog from Hell.

For the first week or so we had to feed him with oven mitts on. He kept growling at Gabby and trying to bite her if she went near him. He didn't like the cat either, and still doesn't. But, the rest of the stuff came with time. Except for the fact that this dog HATES ME.

He loves Sexy Boyfriend, and cuddles with him, and lets him bathe him, and clip his nails, and tussle around. But if I don't have food in my hands, he usually growls at me. Especially if he is around food, or Sexy Boyfriend.

I do not like when I get growled at when I walk into the kitchen. I do not like getting growled at when I get into my side of the bed, even though Charlie is on the other side of the bed and Sexy Boyfriend is between us. I find it funny when Charlie walks past the kitchen chairs and my kitty attacks him from above and he runs like a little girl cause he can't figure out what's going on. I often joke that I would like to trade Charlie in for a baby kitty.

Until three weeks ago when I thought Charlie was having a stroke. He was dragging around his back legs, and when I got up to see if he was okay, his front legs gave out and he started shaking. I called Sexy Boyfriend, crying, telling him to come home quick cause something was really wrong with Charlie. I rubbed his head and cooed "It's okay Charlie, please don't die." Five minutes later, he stood up and went into the kitchen for a drink of water like normal. Apparently, it's a condition that can happen to older dogs, and has to do with their inner ear/balance system. It looks like a stroke or a seizure, but there is rarely any damage, and it usually only happens the one time.

I think this whole thing was a ruse on Charlie's part. He's trying to make me his bitch. He's like "Ya, you pretend to hate me, but really you want me to stick around."

Maybe I don't want him dead, but I would still trade him for a baby kitty. Probably.

Friday Night Celebration

Great news this morning! I got a phone call from the District Manager (DM) at my new job, and they have already given me a raise! The original offer had been a little lower than I expected, and I mentioned to the recruiter that I was a bit surprised since I had spoken with the DM about salary, and this was lower than we had talked about. Since I am starting in a manager in training position, and am expected to be promoted within six months, I took the offer, even though it was low, since the promise of promotion was within a pretty decent timeframe.

So, this morning the DM called to say he had just received my offer from HR, and realized the salary was lower than we had discussed, so he adjusted it to bring it a bit closer, and then with promotion it will go up again.

YAY!

This was my only con as far as accepting the offer, but things had gotten so bad where I was that I was willing to sacrifice a little for now. But now I have zero regrets at all!!!!

I walked up to the movie store today so that I could avoid TLC's scare tactics (see previous post), and I realized why I don't really like going outside that much. First of all, I have allergies. I don't have severe allergies, like stuffy, runny nose 24/7 from July til October. But, when I go outside in the late summer/early fall, my nose gets all stuffed up, and my eyes itch and burn, and I can't wait to get back inside.

Second reason I dislike leaving my house: there are some freaky people in my neighborhood. Overall, our neighborhood is pretty quiet, lots of old Italian people, and so you would think a walk around the block would be a relaxing experience. But no. I saw a guy who I'm pretty sure was drunk, reading a newspaper, stumbling up the sidewalk. It wasn't even noon. Then I saw two gangsta-looking kids walking two dogs that had the same coloring as pitbulls, but were obviously not pitbulls because they had dainty little paws, pointy ears, and long snouts. Were these poor man's gangstas? (MT!!) We don't live downtown. We live in a nice, residential area. Where do these people come from?

I would like to thank everyone who has been visiting the site on a regular basis - I hit 100 visitors today. YAY!!! To celebrate this and my raise (and also to entertain myself since Sexy Boyfriend has abandoned me in favor of an Alouettes game on my first Friday night of pseudo-unemployment) I will be watching movies, drinking some wine, and doing some writing. If anyone is going to be on Messenger later, it could be very exciting!

TLC is lessening my chances of procreating

It's my first day of pseudo-unemployment. It feels amazing! I had the best night's sleep I've had in months, without the aid of any sleep enducing medications whatsoever. As someone said to me as I was leaving work "No more headaches, or stomach problems - now you can get off the pills!". I think he was ready to stage an intervention.

The downside to being pseudo-unemployed and waiting for a Purolator pick-up is that all you can do is watch TV, and clean things. I hate cleaning, and that would be an absolute last resort for me. Besides, yesterday I did my laundry duties plus Sexy Boyfriend's dishes duties. I was exhausted!

So, daytime television. What can I say? Oprah and Dr. Phil dominate, and when you've seen one "My husband is cheating, please help me fix our marriage because now I'm pregnant" Dr. Phils, you've seen them all. And Oprah is in repeats, and I hate talk-show repeats. So, I get sucked in by TLC, namely, all those damn baby shows.

I have a love/hate relationship with babies. For the most part, babies make me uncomfortable. Like, when people say "Hey, hold my baby" I'm like "Ummmmm...." until they shove me in an armchair with pillows propped in weird places so there is no chance in hell I can actually break the baby, and thus no chance in hell that I can possibly escape the humiliation of holding the baby in my awkward, uncomfortable manner. Usually when people I know have babies, I just send something. I don't visit. And when people say "We should go visit that baby" I say "I'm sure they have their hands full enough with that baby, they don't need us around."

I can admit that babies are super-cute (usually) and they smell pretty good when they aren't crapping and puking all over themselves. And tiny babies who cry for food and dirty diapers, they don't bother me so much. But I hate when I'm out in public, minding my own business, and some person lets their baby cry and scream and tantrum all over the place like they aren't bothering anyone around them. People who choose not to have babies cause they think that the crying and screaming would drive them to drinking. Even Dr. Phil says "Anytime you go out in public with a child, you need to be ready to get out of there, and remove them from the situation, to teach them that this behavior will not be tolerated".

I have sought counselling about my aversion to babies with my friend Ems and her Sexy Boyfriend. They have two kids, who seem pretty normal to me. I babysat them once, on a brave day, and it went well. Anyway, Ems's Sexy Boyfriend said "You must be like me - I hate all other children, I only like my own."

With that in mind, I began preparing myself for the fact that in the future I might want a baby.

And then, I got sucked in by a TLC baby show.

There is nothing about the birthing process that makes me want to have a baby. Not even one thing. Not the cringing in pain, not the water breaking, not screaming, not the ice chips (what do these do/help, really?), not the breachness of babies, not the C-section possibility, not the cord cutting, nothing. Why do they put these shows on TV? Are they trying to control the population by scaring the crap out of all the non-parents in the world?

Then, on a new show they have that shows parents in the first couple of months after they have the baby at home, these two people were changing their baby, but instead of leaving her laying down on the changing pad, they picked up that half naked little baby for some reason, and then that half-naked little baby spurted out diarrhea all over her mom's arm. I gag when I change the litterbox!!!! How could I ever deal with crap all over my arm? And I've smelled baby crap. People lie when they say it doesn't stink. They lie like rugs. I would puke all over that baby.

So, all of this to say, for those of you who are rooting for me and Sexy Boyfriend to have a baby ever, until I am either a) working every day during the week, b)have plenty of movies to have on the TV while I'm home during the week or c) no longer have TLC, you will be hard-pressed to convince me that babies are a good idea.