How's My Driving? Call 1-800-KG-'O'-QUAILS

Today, boys and girls, I would like to give you a little seminar about proper driving techniques.

1. If you are too scared to pass a transport truck, then move your ass out of the way by actually changing lanes, pulling behind said truck, thus opening up the lane for those of us who actually have a pair of balls and are able to drive under such stressful circumstances.

2. Merging lanes are for merging, and their lines are painted that way for a reason. You should use as much of the merging lane as possible - that means if the line is still solid, not broken, you should not be merging. You should be speeding up, so that when you finally actually do merge, you don't make the person behind you almost rear-end you, and then follow you at a snail's pace while you pick your moment to change lanes in your version of the Fast and the Furious, only like 200 km slower.

3. As to changing lanes, don't do it when the lines say you can't. There are solid lane lines near merge areas for a reason - people are coming from all directions, and if you are someone dumb enough to change lanes in this area, you probably aren't paying attention well enough to see everyone who's coming at you.

4. In general, STOP PISSING ME OFF!!! Car time is Alone Time, and I like to put on the iPod, cruise to work, or home from work, and let my mind relax for half an hour. When you piss me off, it seriously impedes the de-stressing nature of my Alone Time. Sometimes my blood pressure gets so dangerously high, I have to be thankful I love my car so much cause it's all I can do to keep from running my cute little Jetta's front end right up your ass.

So, to recap, stop pissing me off, and everyone just drive like maybe you once actually passed a driver's test, and that maybe you have some kind of respect for other people on the road, or at least drive as though you might have one brain cell still alive in your head that hasn't been fried by the alcohol/drugs you consumed before getting on the road, the cigarette you are lighting as you try and change lanes, and the cell phone that seems permanently attached to your head and hand.

In happier road news, I followed a truck home today that said "You are following the King of Quails" It was a really big truck, and I wonder if it was really full of quails.

I'm off tomorrow, and am very glad. I have to buy new shoes for work, my back and feet can't take much more of this. But, work is very very good, even though I'm exhausted, it's a good exhausted, with no stomach pains and no migraines. I barely think of work at all when I'm at home, which is super odd for me.