Oooooohhhhhhmmmmmm

Because I'm outside at least fifty percent of my day walking dogs, I am now getting about, oh, I'd say 300% more exercise everyday than I used to get. Being that I used to get none and now I am getting like three - four hours a day. Anyway, while I was used to being on my feet when I was working at Gap, my muscles were not used to being propelled in a forward motion at such a rapid pace. When I get home at night, my legs feel twitchy. I take a nice hot shower, and they relax a bit, but by the time I get into bed, they are all twitchy again and I can't fall asleep.

So, I decided to try yoga.

I tried yoga once before, back when I was actually in cardiovascular shape, and wanted to do something fun for strength training. So, I bought a yoga tape. However, the tape I purchased was more of a "build your flexibility slowly, until you can wrap your toes behind your ears" than a "build your muscles quickly, until you are lean and sleek and oh so hot" kinda tape, and after five minutes or so of practicing and then another fifteen minutes of checking out the rest of the tape to see if there was anything that looked remotely interesting, I gave up.

Tonight when I got home from work I dug that tape out from the back of our video drawer and popped it in. I set up my mat in front of the TV and started doing my yoga, this time seriously. It actually felt quite good, although I only got through about twenty minutes of the hour long tape. Not because it was too hard - I was really feeling it, more the stretch and tension release than the spiritual oneness kinda thing. While moving through one salutation, from Downward Dog to plank, my cat curled up under me on the mat and decided this was the perfect place for a nap. While doing a rolling-ball type thing, I rolled forward once, then back and bashed into my dog who was sitting at one end of the mat. Then to top it all off, as I bent forward and wrapped my wrists behind my ankles (okay, behind my knees, but still not so bad, I think), my glasses slid off my nose in that oh so cute way that makes me say "$1000 an eye? Lasik here I come". (I ripped my last contact two weeks ago, and my insurance doesn't kick in for new ones until February 22nd.)

So, was it a success? We'll see if I can fall alseep tonight without twitchy legs. But it did feel good while I was doing it, so once I get my contacts I'll give it another go, I think.

On a crappy day, there's nothing like a good Goose

Yesterday was a very cold day, and so windy that one of my little doggies almost blew away. All over the city things were blowing off of buildings, trees were losing limbs, there was a 70 car pile-up on the highway (for once I'm not exaggerating), and it was just a generally dangerous situation.

And it was freezing cold.

But, I only had a couple of doggies yesterday, so it wasn't so bad. Most of the doggies were pretty angry that they had to go outside. They would look up at me with this "I you fucking joking, lady? I know they pay you for this, but come on..." kinda look. All of them except for this guy:

That's Goosie, and he is one of my sweetest doggies. He is super hyper and always ready to go, but is also extremely smart. I love that I get to see him at the end of my day, when I'm starting to get tired and I feel like I'm ready to go home, because no matter what he's going to lift my spirits. He loves to play fetch, and is so smart he will bring the ball to within like three feet of me and drop it, and when I say "no, Goose, bring it to me", he will push it toward me with his nose until I pick it up and he can chase it again. Also, he won't let me put his harness on him until he has given me a kiss hello. Then he sits down and lets me get him ready for his walk. I love him, and would think of abducting him if I didn't think I would get caught.

Tonight we are going for our Valentine's Day dinner. We haven't been out for a nice dinner in a while, which is actually kinda weird for us, so I'm pretty excited. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to a bridal show with my friend Al, which is usually fun/depressing, but you get tons of free stuff, so I can't very well pass that up, now can I?

I don't like Dream Jules

So, the new truck has arrived, and it's pretty sweet. I think it will be mighty convenient for us to have two cars, but I can't help but be sad that we won't have that time together. That twenty minutes or so on the way to work and the way home when we crack jokes and talk-sing along to the radio. Sometimes it's the only time we have together in the whole day. I'm mourning for our morning time.

Today was a really weird weather day in that it started out at like -4, and clear, then it turned to a white-out blizzard that dumped like 10cm in about two hours, then it cleared up again and is supposed to go up to +7 tonight and rain. I fell like three times, really hard on my ass. The layer of snow was not deep enough so when I stepped, my foot would go through all the snow, and then underneath was a sheet of ice because yesterday was like +10. My first fall was pretty painful - I jarred my right arm pretty hard. The other two I just kind of let myself slide, so only my ass connected, and not even really that hard. I finally put my anti-slip thingies on my boots and that put a stop to that.

And finally, totally unrelated to anything, I have had two dreams, two nights in a row, involving the Gilmore Girls. In the first dream, I was Rory's bestfriend and we were hanging out for Valentine's Day because her boyfriend (Logan, if you watch) was out of the country. Then this big bodyguard looking dude showed up and swept us away to Logan's surprise present, which was a private swim with dolphins. It was really cool and fun. Then last night, I had a dream that I was in university again, and that Logan came to visit me and we ended up sleeping together. What kind of a bestfriend is Dream Jules, anyway?

~Happy Valentine's Day~

Well, it's Valentine's Day. I generally like any holiday where gifts are given, however this year, I am poor-ass broke, so I wasn't able to buy Sexy Boyfriend very much. I got us some chocolates and a cake from the ultra-yummy bakery Patisserie de Gascogne. I had heard a lot about it, but had never actually bought anything there, and then it was right on my way to my car from the last doggie of the day. We both almost had orgasms over the chocolates on the way home, and the cake was a super-yummy dessert.

Sexy Boyfriend, on the other hand, is not poor-ass broke. He went out and bought us a brand new digital camera!!! This is it (or something extremely similar):

It's really tiny and handy, which is pretty cool. It has all the features of our old camera except for a little more in the Mega-Pixel area, and a little more handy in the video-takage area. Not that I take that many videos, but it might be cool to take videos of my doggies.

So, that's a super fun surprise! We are going to do our "celebration" on the weekend, which generally entails going to The Keg and eating massive quantities of beef and drinking massive quantities of wine, then coming home and passing out because we are such gluttons. I can't wait!

Also in big news, we are getting a second car. Actually, we are getting a New car and Jetta is being demoted to Second car, which I think she is pretty sad about. She's been feeling a bit neglected lately, seeing as how we rented a car over the holidays and left her here alone, and then we went to Cuba and left her with SB's brother, and now she is jam-packed full of doggie paraphenalia and dirty as hell. She looks like a hobo car. Like no one loves her. But I do love her, and in a week or so when she is mine all mine, she will see.

SB will be driving to work in one of these:


and I will be able to use it when it is snowy weather outside, which will be exciting in that I will not feel as though I am taking my life in my hands as I navigate the icy streets of the Plateau amongst all the other crazy people who drive cars for a living and therefore think they are invincible.

So, I sign off saying what I heard Halle Berry say today on Access Hollywood. She said something like, "If you're with someone, I wish you a great day together, if you don't have someone, I wish for you to find someone, and if you don't want no one, then that's cool too."

I guess for now I'll just keep stinking

While on vacation, I discovered that I am a bather.

Our hotel had a beautiful bath tub. Not a jacuzzi tub, a real tub, made for one person, with the sole purpose of bathing. It was slightly longer than a standard tub, but was deep enough that when full, I was completely submerged. Knees and boobs. And then, to complete this perfect tub, the back was sloped for lounging, and the sides had perfect shelves such that my elbows rested perfectly on them while I read a magazine. I took a bath there at least every second day, with water so hot that I could barely stand it. (I know it's super bad for your skin, but I love the way it feels!)

Now, I am back home. And I miss bathing.

I hate my tiny apartment tub with its twelve inches of water and sharp porcelain edges. I hate trying to balance between soaking my legs and my torso. I've tried a couple of times since we've been home, but it's just not enjoyable. No matter how hot the water is, I can never fully warm up and relax.

Damn those Cubans with their full-bodied cigars, minty drinks and enjoyable bath tubs.

When this world makes you crazy.....

I just want to say how much I love the Dove commercial with all the cute girls and the song "True Colors". If you haven't seen it, go here. It almost makes me cry every time. I think about how I felt growing up. Hell, how I feel a lot of the time now. I think about my sisters, and I hope they know how beautiful they are.

I hope you watch the commercial, and then go tell someone you know how fabulous they are.

Like some kind of alien spores

Well, it's been almost a week, and there's no sign of our camera. Also, our research shows that we do not have any baggage insurance with any of our credit cards. I didn't really use the camera that often, but for some reason I feel as though my right arm has been cut off. I keep thinking of all the things I could be taking photos of. All the great stuff I'm missing the opportunity to post on my blog. I feel jipped. I feel sad. I feel an extremely strong urge to go out and buy a digital SLR.

But, alas, I am broke, and so any replacement we buy will be the normal, point and shoot variety. Which is fine, that's what we had before and I loved it. But I feel like this is the moment, if ever there was a moment, where we could actually own a digital SLR, and if we go out and buy a regular digital, from here on it will be "should we invest in the SLR?", "well, we already have a digital, and we already have the 35mm SLR, do we really need to shell out that kind of cash?" But budgets are budgets, so I will continue pining, and maybe when I publish my first book I will buy a digital SLR.

One thing that has appeased my worried mind since coming back from vacation is the fact that none of my huge bug bites developed into small spider nests where a spider has laid eggs, and then like a week later the giant lump on your skin spills open to hundreds of tiny spiders. Nope, none of my giant bites were spider nests. They were just really huge bug bites that were maddeningly itchy, and actually pretty hard. You know how mosquito bites are like squishy? These bites were not squishy - they were hard, which is why I thought they were full of some kind of foreign body, like maybe spider eggs or something. But they are almost all gone now, except for one on my ankle. This one is the worst, cause it rubs against my boots ALL day in the car, but my boots are too tall for me to reach the bite and scratch. I hope it's gone soon.

This week I had the chance to walk a Bernese and a Dachshund, my two favorite dogs in the whole world. I felt like it was my birthday. In the spirit of birthdays, if any of you are thinking of buying me a present, I would love to have a Nikon D50. Or something.

My open apology to Judie, possessor of the discipline I so sadly lack

I need to make an open, public apology to my friend Judie.

Judie and I studied Creative Writing together, and she was an amazing editing buddy and critic. Since graduation, unlike myself who has been alternating between procrastination, frustration, and depression and therefore not getting anything done, Judie has been finishing the novel she began in our last year.

Right before Christmas Judie emailed me saying that we should get back into our critiques via email, and she sent me several pages of the novel to look over. Two months later, I still haven't sent her anything back, and I FEEL SO GUILTY!!! I am such a slacker and a terrible friend! I haven't written very much of my own stuff, either, so I can't even say I'm neglecting her because my own artistic juices are flowing. So, now that I'm back from vacation, I have seriously started reviewing Judie's work. But I just need to say that my delay in getting to it is in no way a reflection of how I feel about Judie's work, nor is it a reflection of any resentment I feel towards Judie. It is simply me being lazy.

Judie has not called me on my laziness, nor has she expressed any disdain for my laziness. This makes me feel even more guilty because it makes me feel like I'm being a terrible person to Judie who is such a fantastic, understanding person. She's also a great writer, and I am extremely proud of her for finishing this piece.

So, internet, I need to leave you now so I can do a bit of editing for Judie. She is going to be famous someday soon.

I'm back in full effect y'all

I've been back from vacation for like 36 hours, and I already miss the sunshine. And the rum. We had an amazing time, with tons of relaxing and lounging and eating and drinking. My skin is very close to Raisin Bran colored - actually between Raisin Bran and Vector - and I only burned a few spots due to careless sunscreen application. I don't think it will peel, though, so that's good.

Our resort was gorgeous. We arrived and were whisked into a little hall-like room with cocktails and snacks - this is where they checked us in and it took about two minutes. Then they put our bags on a 6 seat golf cart and took us for a spin around the resort to show us where restaurants were, the pool, the bars, etc., and after that was done the bell boy drove us to our little complex and brought our bags up to our room. The room had a mini-fridge that they stocked with beer, cola and water every day, a coffee maker with coffee packets, a big beautiful bathroom with a separate shower, tiled vanity, and super-deep tub, and a big walk-in closet with drawers and a safe. Although we were at the end of the resort furthest from the beach, it ended up being awesome. We could pack up for the day and go to the beach, but all the "errand" type stuff was super close: the front desk, restaurants, two bars, the money exchange lady, etc.

The lobby bar had a piano/sax combo every night that played popular American standards, so we sat there a few nights enjoying that - there was also a table every night with chilled champagne, in case the bar line-up was too long you could have a nice little glass of bubbly. It was actually quite good.

We had some windy days, but even though it made it cool it was still very sunny and we could still lay out and read. The food was good, with lots of choices at the buffet and a really good Italian restaurant. On Saturday we visited Havana - we joined our friends who stayed at another resort on a tour. It was really interesting and fun, and I didn't have to feel bad about wasting a beach day since it was windy again.

I could go on for days about how fantastic everything was, but there is one thing that ended up sucky. Our camera was stolen out of our baggage. Or at least we think it was. The night before we left I asked SB where he had put the camera. He told me he put it in one of the suitcases we planned on checking. I said "Don't put it there, put it in the carry-on so that we always have it with us." Now he can't remember if he took it out of the checked bag or not, but it wasn't with us when we arrived in Cuba and now that we're back we can't find it anywhere. I'm so pissed cause I loved that camera - my mummy bought it for us last Christmas and since then I have been a complete digital convert (I used to be hard-core 35mm SLR). So now I'm trying to check with all our credit cards to see if any of them have a baggage coverage, or if they are just for cancellations. We're also in search mode to see if we actually did leave it behind and now it's hiding from us. I've already gone over the usual hiding spots a half dozen times, so I'm starting to lose hope that it's around here anywhere. We bought a crappy Cuban disposable camera, so we'll see how those pictures turn out. Hopefully we will get at least one great shot of us all crispy and brown.

Super quick post about lots of stuff

So many things to cover and so little time since we are in the middle of packing and preparing a small dinner get together with SB's bro and his girlfriend.

The Waxing: went really well. She did half my legs, bikini, and underarms. Nothing really hurt super bad, although my pits are pretty itchy today. I can't say my legs feel as smooth as when I shave, but apparently it won't grow back as fast. As long as it lasts a week, for vacation, I will be happy. Still, I have packed an emergency razor just in case.

The Streak has ended: after posting a semi-scathing (okay, it was pretty tame, but whatever) commentary on the state of Montreal police, who gets pulled over last night. Oh, yeah, I did. And who got their first ticket ever, in ten and a half years of driving? Yeah, that was me too. I'm more burned about the fact that my ten year driving record now has a blemish than I am about the $150 I have to pay for running a red light.

And Lastly: we are leaving on vacation in less than 12 hours and I am SOOOOO STOKED!!! (and if you know me at all, you know I do not use the word stoked, ever, so that should indicate how stoked I really am). Am I packed? Not quite - almost, but not quite. Is SB packed? Not even close. Does our house look good? Yeah, it's actually clean and relatively tidy. I can't wait to get my toes in the sand and a drink in my hand.

I'll take lots of pictures!

She hates my children

My friend Sam is terrified of animals. All animals. Cats and dogs included. No exceptions. I'm pretty sure she even hates fish in tanks.

She has told me tons of stories about various animals who have tried to kill her. There's the one about dogs in Athens - a rabid pack of dirty city dogs came hurtling around the corner and singled her out of a crowd, and tried to attack her, but luckily were distracted by something and ran away. (If you've ever been to Athens, you know that in general, the dirty city dogs there really couldn't give to shits about the people or vehicles around them, unless you are trying to eat them). Then there was the time she was at a resort in Cuba and a cat tried to attack her (?), and also a crab tried to get into her room (???) And another time at a resort when a pelican came up to her on a beach, but instead of trying to kill her, it tried to carry her friend away.

About a year ago, I was fortunate enough to witness one of Sam's near-death experiences. We were at a housewarming party for our friends with a new apartment. Someone had just arrived, so the door was open, and suddenly a dog rushed in (it belonged to a neighbor downstairs, and had just barged his way in). The dog was excited about all the people and was smelling all around. Simultaneously, Sam could hear the dog barge through the door, screamed out "is there a dog in here? Who brought a dog?" and actually totally jumped into the lap of our friend Ems. Screaming. Of course, this makes the dog excited, and he now more than ever wants to meet this mysterious human who is so into playing games with him. So he tries to run up and smell her. Finally someone removed the dog and we all had a good laugh while Sam chain-smoked for about half an hour to calm herself down. Last night, Sam was relaying her account of this incident. In her version, the dog headed straight for her, tried to jump on her, and then started barking.

I'm trying to convince her that she needs to conquer her fears, but she won't hear any of it. So, she will never be able to come to my house for dinner parties, movie nights, pyjama parties. Luckily for her I have no life and never do any of these things, but one day I might, and she will be missing out.

For now, my only revenge is blogging about her when she said "you better not write about this in your blog".

We need Sipowicz

For anyone who is interested - I made an appointment for a waxing Friday morning. I'll keep you updated.

Lately, on my travels through this fair city, I have noticed an abundance of police cars. At certain points in my life I would have been paranoid and run as far as I could in the opposite direction. At other times in my life I would have felt safe and secure that they are always around. But now, I fear I have become jaded to those who uphold the law. Now, all I can think when I see a police officer in the middle of the day, sitting in their car is "What the hell are they up to, exactly?"

Where are the police officers when someone zooms down Rene-Levesque doing like 150? They can find Sexy Boyfriend when he's doing like 140 in a 100, why can't they find that guy having a mid-life crisis doing 150 in a 50?

And I don't think I have EVER seen a police officer not in a vehicle. There are no "beat cops" here - when you are downtown after seeing a movie, you are walking back to your car in the dark under the watchful eye of no one. Well, maybe thieves and rapists, but not cops.

But, lately, I have been seeing a lot of cop cars around. Part of me wants to think "finally, a police presence, they are doing something". But when I really think about it, the ratio of cop cars I have seen to the ratio of cop cars I've seen actually doing something (ie pulling someone over, or with the cops actually out of the vehicle) has been like 40:1. And believe me, it's not because people are just being good out there.

uuuurrghhh Kelly Clarkson

In 8 days and approximately 40 hours, I will be on a beach in Varadero. I love Varadero. I love the beach, I love the heat, I love the drinks. I cannot wait to get there.

So, that means I have about a week to get prepared. I have purchased a couple of easy-read novels (Diana Gabaldon and James Patterson) in paperback format for the beach. I have my new swimsuits (which are fitting a little better). I have all the sunscreen/tanning oil/aftersun/aloe that can fit in our two small suitcases. But, I still have a list of "to-dos" and not a lot of cash to do it with.

One thing on my "to-do" list is still kind of a maybe. I'm thinking about getting waxed. Before Christmas, I did an at-home test kit on one of my calves, and the hair stayed away for like three weeks. I think that would be fabulous for vacation - not to have to worry about shaving, missing spots, nicks, those weird red bumps that show up sometimes. I would do the whole thing myself, except I found it hard to reach the back of my calf so I can only imagine how hard the thigh would be. I think I would prefer to have a professional do it correctly, and maybe more importantly, quickly.

I asked a friend what she thought, and she said she would never do it because of the pain. But I didn't find the pain that bad. My sister says I should go for it. I'm just not sure if it's worth the expense. The spa I usually go to can do the whole leg and bikini area for like $60. I'm not sure if that's a good price, if it's worth it, anything. So, if any of you internets have any advice or council, please offer it up.

You Are Always On My Mind

I love people who talk to themselves. When I'm on a bus, or in my car, and we drive by a pedestrian who is obviously talking to themself, I get quite a chuckle out of it. I think this might be because I used to talk to myself. When I was little I was constantly talking to myself, making up stories, playing out little dramadies, making up game shows stuff like that. Maybe it's because I grew up with no siblings until I was seven, and on practically a farm with no kids my age around. Maybe it's because I'm uber smart and creative. My Papa used to say that it meant I would make lots of money one day. I'm still waiting.

Anyway, so I find it funny when I see people talking to themselves. I usually don't laugh when the person is obviously having a mental issue, because I don't want to go straight to hell, but others are fair game. Maybe these people are practicing a speech - for a job interview, or maybe they're going to propose to someone later. Maybe they are trying to keep track of a list in their head, and don't want to forget anything. Maybe they are making up dramadies and playing them out while the world goes on around them. I don't really care - I just think it's funny.

Today I experienced something that gave me even more amusement than people talking to themselves. Across the street from a client's house there is a small antiques shop. It looks more like a junk store, but whatever. Anyway, today it was extremely mild in Montreal, and the door to the shop was open. Whoever was inside was playing Willy Nelson really loud, but not loud enough to drown out the sound of their voice singing along at full blast. It's one thing to sing in the privacy of you car, or at a karaoke bar, but at an antiques shop? It was damn funny.

My job is awesome

Week #2 of the new job has begun - and I am so still LOVING it!

Every day I fall in love with my little buddies more and more. We service a lot of cats - people who go on vacation and want their cats checked up on regularly. I'm surprised how many cat clients we have, and also how attached I'm growing to these little guys. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE cats (although none can compare to my snooky little man), but I kind of pictured running in the house, changing their food, water and litter, then trying to coax them out from under the bed so I can give them pills or at least make sure they are still alive. Usually this is exactly how my first visit goes, but then the little sweeties come out of their shells.

I'm surprised how many kitties are affectionate and cuddly - they crawl right up on my lap purring and one even gives kisses. This kitty is a Himalayan, grey and super soft. I sit on the sofa and play with the other cat using a ribbon on a stick while the Himalayan lays in my lap purring. He's a bit cross-eyed, but not so much that it's creepy, but the funniest thing is that one of his fang teeth overbites way too much and sticks out over his lip. SO CUTE! I only have two more days with these guys, so I'll try to take some photos.

In other, non-job related news, I had an extremely relaxing weekend. I also purchased some new swimsuits for our trip, and I love them tons, but one of them has a low-rise bottom so I really need to lose the last of my roll before we go. I'm by no means a thin girl, but when we go on vacation, it's no holds barred. Sexy Boyfriend convinced me last year that we don't know anyone there, and I should just wear what I want, get the tan that I want, and not spend our whole vacation trying to hide my body or worrying about what other people think. I did just what he suggested, and I had the best time. So, I'm psyching myself up to do the same thing again this year - but I still really would like to get rid of that last little roll.

Gone to the dogs

On Wednesday, I started my new job as a dog-walker.

I LOVE IT!!!

It is so fun, and relaxing, and refreshing and FUN!

My schedule is relaxed, as long as I get all the clients in their preferred times if possible. I don't have to deal with any aggrevating people getting in my face about what they feel like they're entitled to. Traffic isn't even that bad. My car is my office, and since I eat lunch there it's forcing me to bring food with me instead of fast food (no drive thrus or food courts in the city!). Between eating better and all the walking I'll probably lose a ton of weight. Hopefully my mini love-handles will be gone by the time we leave on vacation (two weeks).

I'm falling in love with all the doggies and kitties I'm meeting. They all have such funny personalities, and are all pretty different from each other. I walk a Great Dane - today I gave her a cookie at the end of the walk. I made her sit to take the cookie, which she did, and then to ask for the cookie she pawed me and her paw reached past my belly button. And she was sitting!

There are also two Akitas that we walk. I have never met an Akita, but I have fallen head over heels for these dogs. One is only a few years old and is funny and hyper, and the other is like ten and is relaxed and sweet. They are really beautiful dogs, and remind me of big teddy bears.

I'm going to bring my camera to work so I can take pictures of all my sweeties. They make my day go by so quickly, and I have so much fun with them. I feel so good that I'm doing something that I LOVE doing, that gives me a regular schedule (I'm home by six every night - SIX O'CLOCK!), with weekends off - I feel like no one can be this lucky. I've been putting some ideas together, and hopefully will get some writing done within the next week or so.

Our Engagement - his version

He started shopping for the ring in January, and received his bonus in February, at which point he started planning.

He found the perfect ring a few weeks before our anniversary. Around the same time, he decided that he really wanted to ask my mother and my grandfather for permission. So, he made a plan where he would be able to travel home, using someone else's car, while I was working so that a)I wouldn't be upset he was traveling home on a weekend off and b)I wouldn't be upset that he left me without a car. He didn't really count on c) me freaking out because he wanted to take a trip on a weekend I was working when he was already working practically 24/7 and we never got to see each other and how could he possibly justify taking any time off of work when he can't even make it home for dinner.

So, instead of driving home to ask my mom and grandfather for permission, he arranged a dinner with them, and his parents, at a restaurant in Moncton. He then conference called my mom and grandfather and asked that way. His dad took a little video of the whole thing.

Next, he arranged the whole weekend away thing. He told me his bosses were paying, but really he was. Then, when we arrived at the inn, it turns out that his bosses had played a little trick on him and called ahead and taken care of everything. They are super great guys!

At dinner he was really nervous, and he even got up and went to the washroom while we were waiting for dessert so he could shake off the anxiousness.

As soon as he had asked, and we sat back down, he could barely sit still as he told me all the scheming and planning, plotting and deception that had gone on to make this happen.

You wouldn't believe how many people said to me "Just remember, you said yes to him even though you knew how good of a liar he is."

I think it was more like fibbing.

Our Engagement - my version

In 2004, I became very focused on getting this marriage thing rolling. I'm not sure if I've mentioned before, but don't get me wrong I'm in no hurry to walk down the aisle - when we do it, I want to do it right. But, after six years of being together, I felt that it was at least time for the engagement part of the whole process to take place. I began by dropping hints, then by making those hints a little less subtle, and finally an full-on discussion of "please just give me some reassurance that this will happen someday."

Sexy Boyfriend was very patient with me, and acknowledged that this was something that was very important to him as well. He told me that he was anticipating getting his bonus in July of 2005, and that getting engaged was one of his priorities. We started looking online at ring styles that I liked, and visiting jewelry stores to see how big a carat really is and things like that. This appeased me.

After we returned from Cuba in January, SB began working very long hours. He goes to work for 8am at the latest every day, and he was regularly staying until 11pm. Every weekend that I would work, he would also go in to work, and on my weekends off he would often go to work in the morning and come back around 1 or 2. It was a trying time, very difficult since we rarely saw each other. It was also frustrating to know that in June he would be going home to New Brunswick for two weeks for some weddings and a graduation - and that I would be staying in Montreal, working because I had to take another, separate vacation from his for my sister's graduation.

In late April, on a Friday while driving to work SB said to me "my friend and I decided to do something stupid this weekend" (this was a weekend that I had to work, which would usually mean he would be working as well)
"Oh ya, what?"
"We're going to take his car and drive to the Maritimes - he has a client in Halifax, and he's going to drop me in Moncton to visit my family"

I stewed over this information all day, and asked for advice from several of my friends. When he finally got home that night at around eleven I basically tore him a new one. I yelled that for months he has been spending every waking moment working, and that soon he would be going away for a two week vacation without me, and that the least he could do is try to work while I'm working, and spend the time we're not working together, instead of travelling to see his family while I'm at work. I yelled and cried for hours. He finally called his friend at 2 in the morning and cancelled the trip (they were supposed to leave at 6am).

A week or so later, he called me at work and told me to do everything I could to get the weekend of our anniversary off (May 14). Actually, first he called my work (a call center for telephone orders) to try and get in touch with one of my colleagues and get her to switch it as a surprise, but then it got too complicated. He told me that his bosses had noticed how hard he had been working, and when he told them about our little tiff, they decided to send us to a five star inn for our anniversary. I was pretty stoked - they will often send us out for dinner, and things like that, but this was the coolest gift ever.

When we arrived at the inn, there was a card and chilled champagne in the room waiting for us. I took a bath in the jacuzzi tub, got dressed and we relaxed in front of the fireplace drinking champagne. Then we opened our anniversary gifts - actually I just opened mine, since I had already given SB his a few days before. He got me a cheese knife set and a cutting board, and we used them to eat some cheese we picked up before. He said there would be something else to open later, but that he wanted to open this one so we could use it.

We went down for dinner, which was amazing. We had a table by the window, overlooking the lake. Through dinner we talked about getting engaged, and how great it will be. We also talked about how annoying it is when people take photos in such a nice dining room.

When our dessert arrived, SB gave the waiter our camera and asked him to take a picture since it was our anniversary. I groaned loudly, but he insisted. The guy took a few pictures, then showed us the camera - SB asked him to take a few more. Then he stood up, clinked his fork on his glass, and addressed the whole room. At this point I pretty much figured what was happening, and I started bawling. I barely remember anything he said, and then he got down on his knee and asked the question. Of course I said yes, and the whole room went crazy. People were congratulating us all night. At first I was nervous to look at the ring, but then I finally did and it was GORGEOUS.

When we sat back down at the table he told me his version of the story, which I'll blog about in another post.

After dinner, we called our families, drank more champagne, and all that stuff. It was really incredible. By far the best surprise ever.

Happy 2006!

Sometimes expectations can be overwhelming. Sometimes you can put so much thought and care and anticipation into something, that it is doomed to become one of the biggest let-downs of your life. Or at the very least regrettable.

This year, we decided to do a quiet New Year's Eve. We bought lots of food, and wine, and we hunkered down in our living room, just the two of us, and watched the Sopranos. Then we watched the ball drop. We didn't eat the lobster and scallops we bought in the late afternoon (an hour and a half of running around like chickens with our heads cut off to try and get all our stuff bought before the stores closed), and we only drank one bottle of wine. We were in bed, snoring, by 12:30. But it was perfect in its own way. Our own, quiet time together. Not forcing anything, just being together.

This year has been really big. We spent some time over dinner tonight (yesterday's lobster and scallops - yum!) looking back over all the stuff we did this year.

- We took our first real vacation together. We went to Cuba and had an incredible time, and we're going back in a few weeks.

- We got engaged, which was an amazingly planned event masterminded by Sexy Boyfriend.

- We each had a sibling who graduated (my sister from high school, his brother from university).

- I quit my job.

- I went through a severe depression.

- I quit another job.

I'm starting 2006 with a great outlook on things. I think we both are, actually, but Sexy Boyfriend is usually more optomistic about things. I think we're in a really great place, where we've been through a lot together, we see how good our life is together, and we can't wait to make it even better. I'm excited to have a regular schedule, and to have our time together be more regular. I'm excited to have time to write. There is nothing but possibility. It feels so good.

Christmas round-up - the Grande Finale

We are finally home from our hectic Christmas week. I am totally exhausted, as usual, and am looking forward to relaxing all weekend with Sexy Boyfriend. And doing laundry. Lots of laundry.

We spent the last few days trying to get all of our visiting in. I spent the morning of the 27th shopping with my sisters, which was fun and we all bought stuff, mostly clothing. Then I went out for dinner with SB and his friends. Yesterday was Grandparents Day. We hit my Papa's house for a visit and lunch, then my step-grandparents' house to see their tree, then dinner at SB's grandparents' house with the rest of his family.

This morning I got up at 6:30 to get packed and ready to go. I got all my stuff together and then me and my sisters cuddled into bed to watch TV until Sexy Boyfriend came to get me. When he got there he took most of my stuff out to the car, but I decided to help him. I picked up a large paper shopper bag full of gifts in one hand, and three bottles of wine in the other hand. I stepped onto the front step, took the first stair, and my feet barely hit before they slipped out from under me because of the 4 inch sheet of ice coating the step. My legs flung straight out and I bounced off the middle step (via my shoulder blades) and landed on the cement, ice-coated walkway on my ass. It knocked the air right out of my lungs, and I couldn't catch my breath. Sexy Boyfriend was too scared to touch me as I rolled to my knees and kept heaving and weezing, so he started swearing and kicking the ice off the step.

After almost passing out twice, I got inside and laid on the sofa. My sister told me to take some Advil, but then we called my mom at work and she told me to search in the bathroom for her prescription of Tylenol 3 with codeine. Actually, she told my sister to go look, but she didn't, so I went and found it, and had to sit with my head between my legs on the toilet to avoid passing out.

Needless to say, the ten hour drive was excruciating, when I wasn't zonked out on codeine. I felt really bad cause Sexy Boyfriend had already driven the entire trip home, and then today he had no choice but to drive the whole trip back. Plus I was sleeping over half of the time, so it was pretty boring for him.

I'm sure tomorrow I will barely be able to move. So far there is no bruising, but I can't see avoiding that considering how hard I hit, twice. The good news is, I didn't break even one of the three bottles of wine.

Christmas round-up (up to now, anyway)

The drive was not so bad. The added space of the SUV really made a difference - the dogs were able to spread out, and we made a nice little bed area for Simon on top of the suitcases in the back. He did not stay on that bed for the whole trip - he kept sneaking up to the front to lounge in my lap. But even that was not so cramped as it usually is in our tiny Jetta.

We have been thinking of buying an SUV, specifically a Ford Escape, and as luck would have it, that's the rental that we got. It's pretty awesome. Sexy Boyfriend has been testing the 4WD on it by randomly driving over snowbanks in front of our homes. So far it hasn't gotten stuck once, which speaks well to how it will perform on uncleared Montreal streets when you end up parked in a snowbank.

Christmas has been fantastic - lots of yummy turkey and a lobster-roll lunch at Sexy Boyfriend's house. We opened our gifts last night, and everyone was really happy, my little sister especially. She had asked my mom for an iPod mini, and in October my mom called me asking my advice. I told her that if that's what she really wanted, she should buy it right away because they were being replaced by the Nano. In November, when my sister reiterated that she was pining for a mini, my mom told her that they were sold out everywhere and she couldn't get her hands on one. My sister then did some research online to find out that my mom was telling the truth. So, when my sister opened her last gift to find a pretty blue iPod mini, she freaked. She actually broke down crying, which made the rest of us cry. It was so cute.

Other than that, things were normal and uneventful. Presents, food, laughing, drinking, it was super fun. Oh, and our Christmas tree randomly fell over while we were snacking on spinach dip. We were sitting around our kitchen/dining table, and the tree is in the living room which is open to the dining area. I forget what we were talking about, but I was looking directly at my sister, when I could see the tree leaning and falling directly behind her head. Not only did a few ornaments get smashed (surprisingly few, actually), but my mom had just watered the tree that afternoon and the water poured onto all the gifts. Luckily no one had any books or anything paper that got washed away. My sister got an ugly scarf, though, and we're going to tell everyone it got ruined in the flood.

Doesn't it just make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

It's that special time of year when we pile Sexy Boyfriend, myself, gifts for our two families, suitcases, two dogs, a cat, plus all their gear into our Jetta and drive for ten hours to spend about five days of eating, drinking, shopping, laughing, but mostly schlepping from house to house to house trying to make sure that no one gets their feelings hurt that we are not part of their holiday celebration.

It's generally a stressful undertaking, and usually leaves me feeling drained. I love seeing my family, and I love the holidays, but cramming all the holiday goodness that two families have to offer into a limited amount of time can be quite taxing.

At least this year we have rented an SUV for the drive, so we'll have a little more room and hopefully at least that part of the trip will be a bit more relaxing. I'll be sure to let you know. If I haven't taken a gun to my head because I can't take the endless meowing anymore.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life

After several months of blogging, and hoping against all odds that It will happen (seeing as how we had a falling out last month regarding "unauthorized clicks"), It has finally happened. What is It?

I am a Google search result.

I can now be Googled.

Google me right now if you want.

Well, finish reading this post, then Google me.

I found me on Google by typing: "ebb and flow" "sexy boyfriend" and I was the first result.

Try it.

Sexy Boyfriend found me on Google by typing: ebb and flow sexy blog, and I was the first result.

Try it.

I'm so excited. I feel like randomly putting in stuff and seeing how far I am down the list. I could probably spend a whole day doing that.

This almost makes up for my whole falling out with the Google AdSense people. Actually, a week after I sent them a strongly worded letter about how silly they are, they sent me an email back welcoming me to re-submit for AdSense, that maybe they were a bit harsh, maybe they over-reacted a bit, and that if I could attest that I did not, in good faith, contribute to any shady clicking activity, that they may re-open my account. I didn't reply, and I think that actually listing me in Google searches is AdSense's way of trying to make up with me. AdSense had a meeting, and it was like,
"Jules is really ticked at us, she didn't even answer our email. We should do something really great for her for Christmas."
"That's a great idea. We could send her on a free trip."
"We could send her some gift cards so she can go shopping."
"We could send her the money she actually earned during her time on AdSense."
"Hey, I know, how about we just crawl her site so she can be Googled?"

It's almost the best Christmas gift ever.

Christmas comes a little early.

Yesterday was the first big Snow Day of the year. I'm talking like three feet of snow. Drifts that are taller than me. We headed out at like quarter to eight in the morning, in a futile attempt to get me to work. Usually it takes me about 2 minutes to get on the highway. Yesterday we couldn't even get on the highway. There was like six inches of snow on the roads, even though traffic was pretty heavy. We actually got up the on ramp, but were unable to merge in because the traffic wasn't actually moving. So, we just drove right back down the off ramp and came home. I estimate that my time of arrival at work would have been about 2pm - my shift was 9-6. So, I stayed home with Sexy Boyfriend and we had a lazy Snow Day.

This morning, we woke up and looked outside. Most cars on the street were plowed into the snowbanks, which sucks and usually takes at least an hour to dig out. It's one of the things I hate the most about living in the city. However, this morning, something magical happened. Someone had dug our car out for us. The front and the side of the car were clear enough so that we could drive out, and they had written a message in the snow on our windows. The driver's side window said "Les Lutins" which means "The Elves" and the windshield had "Joyeux Noel", or "Merry Christmas". It was the nicest thing to wake up to ever! The only thing that could possibly made it better would have been if it was Monday morning and we were running late to work. But nonetheless, thanks Lutins, we are very grateful!

I have five more shifts left at work, and have lost a bit of my enthusiasm. I feel less tired and stressed when I go there, though, cause I really care less and less about what they think. I'm generally spending a lot of time helping customers and communicating with the associates, the two things I love best about the job, because I know I'll miss these aspects when I leave. And I'm also shopping a lot, cause I'm definitely going to miss the discount.

My mom thinks she works for the CIA

The surprise is ruined.

I called to speak with my mother the other night, and got my sister first. We have been conspiring ever since I decided to take the other job to surprise my mother - we wouldn't tell her that I will actually be home for the Holidays. As soon as we said our hellos she said "Did you tell Mom you were coming home for Christmas?" I said no. "She asked me if you were coming home, since you are finished work on the 22nd and the only reason you were staying in Montreal was for work." How did she know I was finishing on the 22nd? I hadn't spoken with anyone from home after giving my two weeks' notice, so hadn't told anyone the precise date. "I didn't say anything, I don't know how she knows. Maybe she's just a super-suspicious person."

When I got my mom on the phone, I finally officially spilled the beans - partly because if she's already suspicious, chances are she'd figure it out by next week, and partly cause I knew that if she took the time and spent the money to send our presents here and then we hauled them all the way back she would be alternately ashamed of my inefficiency and ticked that we made her go to the trouble of sending them.

Me: "How did you know I was finished working on the 22nd?"

Her: "I read it on your blog."

She has NEVER mentioned reading my blog before. It's like she's some kind of blog spy, like she thinks my opinions on the blog differ from my real-life opinions and that she will find out something really juicy if she just bides her time and silently gathers reconnaissance. She must be disappointed that I write pretty much exactly how I speak, and that I don't really keep a lot of secrets.

Well, now she's learned. She's ruined her own Christmas surprise. And blown her cover.

The neverending dinner party

Saturday night we went to a dinner party at Sexy Boyfriend's boss's house. In attendence: Me and Sexy Boyfriend, SB's brother R (who also works with SB) and his girlfriend D, SB's boss and his wife, and their son.

I was working until 6, and we rushed home so I could do a quick change. They live about twenty minutes from our house in an area not serviced by the bus or metro, so we gave a lift to R and D. We arrived there around twenty after 7. The food started coming out around 8. It didn't stop until 2am. I had to work at 9 on Sunday.

The company was good - there were lots of laughs, and lots of stories. The wife doesn't speak a lot of English, she mostly speaks French so it was nice to practice French in a familiar setting instead of just at work, and I think she enjoyed practicing her English as well.

The food was okay. She tried really hard, and the dishes were pretty elaborate. However, they mostly ended up too salty, too sweet, too sour, etc. It was a five course meal, so props to her for making it all look so great, but...

By the main course, I couldn't stop yawning. It was around ten thirty, which is almost my bedtime. I calculated that with dessert and coffee, we could be out of there by twelve. I tried to avoid slumping into my potato and stayed away from wine and I smiled and nodded and kept my eye on the clock.

And then came the cheese course.

And then came a rousing game of Scattergories.

And then came dessert.

I thought it was never going to end, and I just wanted to fold my arms on the table and lay my head down. I could barely keep my eyes open, and was dreading Sunday morning. We finally left around two, and I got to bed around two thirty. A nice five hours of sleep. For me, who usually requires at least eight to function minimally. Ugh.

So, yesterday was excruciating, and I came home, flopped on the sofa, fell asleep watching the Survivor finale (!), was forced awake by Sexy Boyfriend because he knew I would kick myself if I missed it, and went to bed at my normal time of 11 pm.

From now on, no more dinner parties when I have to work the next day. Unless everyone else has to work too. Otherwise, restaurants only. At least they'll kick you out at a decent hour.

I have a confession to make.....

I am a closet knitter. I love knitting. I love the repetitiveness. I love the patterns. I love the little knubby I get on my middle finger from working the needles, kinda like when you use a pen too much. I love surfing the internet trying to find the perfect pattern for the perfect project and then throwing myself into said project non-stop for like a week.

I am just not so great at actually finishing projects.

In my knitting basket, I currently have:

1 - finished mitten, blue scratchy wool. This was a test mitten that didn't turn out.
2 - one ball blue scratchy wool. Leftover from the test mitten. Maybe one day I will be unlazy enough to unravel the test mitten and knit two good mittens.
3 - one finished red mitten for a toddler - looks great.
4 - one needle holding the ribbed cuff of a red mitten for a toddler - the unfinished mate of #3
5 - one needle holding a blue, cream and striped ribbed scarf, unfinished. This scarf is made up of wools from two mitten projects I actually did finish
6 -one ball of neon green wool and one ball electric blue wool - leftover from a scarf I made for my sister. I will probably never use these colors ever again.
7 - two giant balls of cotton yarn in a really weird shade of blue. I bought it like six years ago to make an aran throw. Never happened. I started, but got fed up and I'm not sure where the unfinished product went.
8 - about twenty random balls of yarn in all different colors from a sweater I started when I first learned to knit like seven years ago. Again, not sure what happened to the unfinished sweater.
9 - random needles (knitting needles, not drug paraphenalia)
10 - one nearly finished slipper, which I'm currently working on, with way not enough yarn left.
This means :
a) I will finish this slipper with another color of yarn, just to make sure it works out, then never knit an actual usable pair of slippers
b) I will finish the slipper with another color of yarn, then knit another slipper in random colors and wear them anyway cause who cares, I'm just in my house
c) I will get pissed off when I run out of the correct color of yarn and leave the unfinished slipper in the basket
d) I will finish the slipper to make sure it works out, then buy yarn that I like, and enough of it, and knit myself the BEST SLIPPERS EVER.

I really hope this has a happy ending, or Sexy Boyfriend may just throw the whole thing out and tell me he had to cause the dog peed on it.

Another hour of my life freed up each week

Well, my two weeks notice has been issued, and everything came out okay. My boss was really understanding and made me feel a lot better about leaving when I am. Most of the sales associates seem genuinely sad that I'm leaving, which is nice. They're all really interested in hearing about where I'm going next and how the dog-walking job will work. A lot of them seem almost jealous that I'm leaving for such a fun job.

I'm very disappointed with the performance of the show "Alias". I have been a loyal Alias watcher since the show started. I couldn't get enough of the twists and backstabbing and double crossing and I followed closely and faithfully. But ever since the whole Bennifer fiasco started between Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, the show has sucked. I'm not sure there is a direct correlation, or if it is just a coincidence, but it's really terrible this season. It doesn't help that they cut out Michael Vartan's character, who has been my TV boyfriend since the show started. If your plotlines are going to be boring, at least provide me with some eye candy, please.

Anyway, so after changing nights several times (a sure sign a show is going down the toilet), it has been announced that they are cancelling the show. I'm kind of glad, because that means I don't have to feel guilty for not watching (when you have like five years invested in a show, it's hard to stop watching), but I'm also sad because it's ending on such a crappy note. I think that J.J. Abrams is putting all of his efforts into LOST, and unfortunately we Alias fans are left to suffer.

I think it's sad that I have such strong opinions about TV.

For when you need to go tobogganning and get a great tan

Tomorrow I am giving my two week's notice. I got a better than expected offer from the dog walking company, and I am super excited about it. I will start with them the first week of January, and they are perfectly fine with me taking my trip to Cuba two weeks later. They rock.

But I'm stressed about giving my notice tomorrow. My last day will be December 22nd, three days before Christmas, technically the busiest period in retail. I feel bad about leaving them before Christmas, I feel guilty, and I feel stressed. Unfortunately, my family does not live close to me, and having the opportunity to spend Christmas with them is worth more to me than whatever resentment my fellow management team may feel towards me. But, I'm still stressed about telling them, and my stomach is in knots and I can't sleep. Remember how I mentioned before that my boss has a mean streak? Ya, I'm a little worried she's going to turn on me. My friend Syl says I care too much. Maybe I do, but being cognizant of that does not make the stomach cramps go away.

In better news, Sexy Boyfriend spoke with our travel company today and our trip is not in jeopardy. The resort we are visiting was removed from their website because they are sold out of spots. I am very excited. I really want to buy a new bathing suit. I will probably shop for the new suit whilst shopping for new long johns and winter boots for my new job. That's going to be a bit surreal.

Girl Talk gets deep - and not in a dirty way this time

On Friday night I had dinner with two of my very best friends, and one of their best friends, who by extension is someone that I like quite a lot. We went to a pub that we all like quite a bit and had some yummy burgers while we chatted and gossiped and had a few laughs. The dynamics were really fun because two of us are in long-term relationships while two are single gals.

We had a conversation about those moments. The ones that you will always look back on and wonder "What if I had done something differently? What would have happened?" One story was about a night out where the person wound up in her car with a boy that she really liked a lot, and they talked and talked and she really was feeling a connection. Then, in the wee hours of the morning, as the conversation began to dwindle a bit, she leaned back in her car seat and said "Wow, I could just fall asleep right now". She said it killed the mood, that he suddenly sat straight up and left soon after. Things were never the same from that point on. When they saw each other, which was on quite a regular basis, he was distant and awkward. She's been regretting the moment ever since, because he may have been "The One".

My moment came before I was dating Sexy Boyfriend, but while I was dating my last boyfriend. I had had a crush on another boy for quite some time, but he had always had a girlfriend, and I had always been happy in my relationship and it just didn't seem worth it. But The Moment happened right before I broke up with the boy I was seeing. I had come home for Christmas in my first year of university, and snuck into a bar with some friends. At the end of the night, as we made our way to the coat check, I ran into The Boy. He told me he was leaving in a few days for Australia for an indefinite amount of time. We kissed, the first time ever, and I left, and didn't look back. A few months later is when I started dating Sexy Boyfriend and the rest is history. The questions I have about my Moment are not "Was he The One?" because I have Sexy Boyfriend, and there is no doubt in my mind that he is my One, but I wonder what if we had gotten together? Stayed in touch while he was away, and he came back and we started dating? I would never have gotten together with Sexy Boyfriend, I would have missed out on my One. Or, even if the Moment had never happened at all, maybe I wouldn't have realized I needed to break it off with the guy I was seeing at the time, and then I wouldn't have started seeing Sexy Boyfriend.

I am thankful for my Moment, and for all the moments like them. It makes me realize that things happen for a reason. Or at the very least that good things can shake out from things that seem to have passed us by.

A significantly smaller Christmas list

Today we did our Christmas shopping, which actually turned out pretty great. Usually we spend the whole time fighting or arguing or just not wanting to make decisions, which we both hate, but neither of us ever wants to decide. But for some reason this year it's all fallen into place, and in one short afternoon we had finished most of our shopping and made a list of the little odds and ends we still need to pick up. It was actually relaxing. So weird.

From the look of the parking lot when we arrived at the mall I thought we were in for it. I don't do well when the mall is crowded - I like to have space when I shop, especially when I'm buying lots of stuff and carrying lots of bags. I need to be able to move freely, and get to the items I want to examine, and my absolute pet peeve is when you are walking through the hallways of the mall and people randomly stop short in front of you and you basically rear-end them. Or people who are stopped in a big group and clogging up the hallways while you are trying to get from point A to point B. So annoying. But today was not like that. I didn't have one moment of annoyance or "Fuck, get the hell out of my way already". Everything was eerily smooth sailing.

I also have some pretty big news for everybody, but have a few decisions to make before I announce anything. No I'm not pregnant, and no we haven't set a date, and no we haven't bought a house. But it's still pretty big news, and I'm really excited about it.

I'm getting really excited about our vacation in January, however I'm having a bit of anxiety as well. We booked our trip through the same company we used last year because we had such a great experience. This year, we decided to go to the same place, Varadero Cuba, but to a different resort. We booked the trip quite a while ago and paid the deposit, however now, when I go to their website, the resort we chose is no longer there. So now, Sexy Boyfriend has to call (cause the booking is in his name and stuff) and make sure that when we land in Varadero we will actually be going to our 4 1/2 star resort and not to some crappy replacement place for the same price.

Noel Noel

This weekend is my last weekend to get "Christmas Ready". After this weekend, I'm pretty sure I will have to work all the weekends until Christmas, and Sexy Boyfriend and I usually only have time to do stuff like Holiday Preparation on the weekends we have off together.

I have only bought one present so far, and have many more to buy, and can't leave it to the last minute because most of the gifts have to be sent by mail. I am usually very into Christmas - I love the shopping, I love the eating, I love the drinking. However, this year I am not into Christmas at all. Maybe it's because we won't be traveling home.

I am not looking forward to the shopping - mostly because most of the people on my list will be getting gift cards this year. So boring. For some people I have very specific gifts in mind, but some people I'm just not sure and I'd rather spend less money to send them a gift card so they can buy something they really love then spend a bunch on shipping for something they only kinda like. But gift cards are so boring to buy.

I'm not looking forward to the decorating - Sexy Boyfriend wants to get the tree and put it up this weekend. All I can think is that the needles will be falling out by the middle of the month. And the cat will climb it at least ten times. And the dog will pee on the floor and it will pool under the tree and it will be a nightmare to clean up.

I'm kinda still looking forward to the food, although I'm not too happy that we will be the ones preparing it all - usually we travel home and our Mummies cook everything for us. Don't get me wrong, I make a mean turkey, but there is just something about having your Mummy make a meal for you that makes it even better. Plus, I can't really eat anything lately, so food is not so exciting. Food's actually kind of depressing these days.

I'm still looking forward to drinking, though.

Hangin' Tough - minus five cute boys from Boston

I'm having a tough day today. Tough for two reasons, unrelated except for their essential toughness.

I had to work this morning at 7am. That meant I had to leave my house by six in order to deposit Sexy Boyfriend downtown and make it to work on time. What with it being winter, the sun rose at approximately 7:15am, so I missed the sun in the morning. Then I finished work at 4, and the sun was practically set by the time I left the mall. I did not see the light of day today. So depressing.

I can't really talk about the second element of toughness. It involves someone in my life who found out some very scary news yesterday, which may be nothing, but is potentially devastating. I can't talk about specifics because this person hasn't really told anyone else, namely people who visit my site regularly. Now the waiting game begins, waiting to find out whether everything is okay or something is wrong, and I feel helpless and I know this person feels the same, and we are both uncannily similar in the fact that we NEED to control situations from the very cores of our being, and situations like this are extremely detrimental to our respective mental healths and to the sanity of those around us.

I am also a bit sad that I arrived home to a puddle of dog pee in my bedroom. I do not understand why Charlie is randomly peeing on the floor, but it is seriously starting to piss me off. Don't ask me how I can tell it's his pee and not Gabby's, because it's gross, but, oh, I know it was him. And he knows it was him. And I can tell he's sitting here mocking me because there isn't really much I can do about it.

Weekend roundup

This was my weekend to work, and as usual it was hectic and exhausting.

Friday night was our Keg dinner - it was really nice to see SB's brother and his girlfriend since we haven't really seen them for like a year. The Keg food was of course amazing - however due to my lack of appetite I was only able to eat half of my salad, my steak, half my potato and my veggies. It's one thing to be on a diet and to be intentionally limiting you food intake and being careful what you eat and allowing yourself cheats every once in a while - however it is a completely different and frustrating thing to just not be able to eat. To want to eat what's in front of you so badly, but to soundly believe that if you stuff one more biteful into your stomach that the sum of the entire meal will end up all over the table.

Last night we were able to have a quiet evening in and watch Love Actually, which I've seen bits and pieces of in the break room at work, but have never watched in its entirety. It's really charming and funny and romantic, but in a bittersweet kinda way. I liked it a lot, and so did Sexy Boyfriend.

Work was fine this weekend, but exhausting. The Crazy People are starting to come out en masse, and by The Crazy People I mean the people who think the definition of "good service" is "I get what I want no matter what I ask for". No, I will not babysit your children while you try on clothing. No, you cannot set your tiny dog on top of my merchandise. No, your children cannot randomly climb on our stools so that they may topple over and crack their skulls open. No, I will not refund you for this sweater you bought three months ago that looks like your dog chewed the armpit out of it. I understand that these people exist, and that in turn I will always have to deal with them. However, I wish that they wouldn't all show up on the same day. Randomly the same day, though. Sometimes it's Sunday, sometimes it's Tuesday. I think they must all arrange to come on a shuttle bus or something.

I called the dog walking company on Friday to arrange a meeting, but it was late and I haven't heard from them since. Hopefully they'll be in touch tomorrow so we can set something up.

I have tomorrow off, so I am hoping to come up with something more interesting to post. For now, whatever you're eating, please think of me and be thankful your appetite is healthy.

I never thought it could happen to me

I mentioned previously that my new medication has produced several side-effects that were less than fantastic. Luckily, most of them have passed. However, one thing that has changed that is of some concern is the fact that I no longer have an appetite. I get hungry, but then can only eat about half of my food. Or I'll get hungry for a very specific thing, and thoughts of all other foods will turn my stomach. This is quite problematic when I'm craving noodle soup for lunch but have packed myself a sandwich.

All of this would normally make me ecstatic - I've lost about 8 pounds in the past week and a half. However, Sexy Boyfriend's brother and his girlfriend are coming to visit this weekend, and we are getting together and visiting The Keg, our favorite restaurant. Aside from having the best steak ever, they also have great Caesar salads, tons of yummy appetizers, and my favorite dessert, a mocha ice cream pie.

HOW CAN I GO TO THE KEG WITH NO APPETITE?

This could be a serious issue. What if I can't finish my steak? You can't have steak as leftovers! You can't take a steak and Caesar salad doggie bag. That's just wrong. I mentioned my concerns to Sexy Boyfriend, and he replied "I've supported you through a lot of stuff, you should know by now that if you have problems finishing your steak, I won't let you down."

I'm thinking I might skip lunch.

In other news, I spoke with the dog-walking company this morning, and they want to set up a meeting next week. I can't wait to see their offices and learn more about how they work and schedule their visits and stuff. I feel really good about this. We'll see how it goes.

It's winter, and you know what that means!

Tomorrow is my day off and I am SO glad. I am going to stay in my pyjamas all day and drink hot chocolate and watch movies and nap and read and snuggle with my doggies and my kitty. It's supposed to snow a lot, which will make staying in and being cozy extra fun. I wish that Sexy Boyfriend could take the day off with me.

I can't really say that I'm excited that it is going to snow tomorrow. Aside from the general crumminess of cold weather and snow and such, parking and driving become a chore instead of my relaxation time. Even on a bad summer day, when people are driving like spectacularly moronic pinheads, I can usually do quite a bit of unwinding between work and home. Even though I can't really trust the drivers around me, I can trust the road. However, in the winter, several other fun variables are thrown into the mix.

First of all, for some reason, when the Holiday Season is upon us, people randomly lose their minds when they are operating motor vehicles. Their bad driving quotient increases by like 400%. It's terrible. Then, of course, there is more traffic because people are travelling for Holidays, or preparing for Holidays, or driving to bars because of bad Holiday experiences.

I also hate the parking situation in the city during the wintertime. For those of you who have never experienced winter parking in the city, here's the lowdown. You can only park on one side on Tuesday and Thursdays, and the other side is Monday Wednesday and Friday. And they plow your car right into the snowbank, and it takes forever to dig your way out in the morning. And if there are cars parked on the wrong side on the wrong day, and they need to plow, this truck comes around the neighborhood with a really loud horn that goes "WHOO ooo WHOO ooo WHOO ooo". Really it should say "Get up Bitches and move your cars".

Also, inclimate weather contributes to about 99% of my driving stress during winter. I vividly remember my Nanny telling me horror stories about cars getting caught on black ice. About spinning out of control and bashing into guardrails, or going into the ditch. Jaws of life and ambulances were invariably involved. Usually along with several deaths. Why she was telling these stories to a five year old is beyond me, but I remember them, and they put the fear in me.

Nothing's really going on - so here's this

I came home last night to find a surprising message on my answering machine. I had applied a few weeks ago to a company that does dog-walking. I know it sounds unglamorous, but I love dogs, and cats and most furry animals, so what could be better than working with them all day long? Anyway, when I originally sent my application, I got an email back saying they had already filled the position, but that they would keep my information on file, blah blah blah.

Yesterday they called saying another position had opened up and they would like to talk to me.
It's kind of exciting and scary at the same time. The pay is less than I make now, but the hours are regular, which is one thing I hate about my job now. I would have every weekend off. And be done work by five. Every day. Be still my heart.

Some of the drawbacks: Yucky winter weather, and having to go out in it instead of hiding inside or in my car. Less money. More dog poop than I would know what to do with, probably.

Anyway, I will give them a call and see what they have to say. I wouldn't be able to start with them until January, because no matter how unhappy I am in my work right now, I just wouldn't be able to leave them in a lurch over the holidays.

I was supposed to go for some blood tests this morning, but I chickened out. The last time I had blood taken I was in high school. My mom thought I might have mono, so she (being a nurse) brought home a kit and took my blood to test. I almost passed out at the kitchen table, and since then I have not had any blood taken. I know I have to go and have these tests done, but I also know that I am the queen of procrastination and will put it off as long as I can.

Weekend off!

I recently started taking a new medication which makes my head feel dizzy and spinny when I stand up, which consequently makes me want to heave. My tongue also feels quite numb. The pharmacist and the doctor both told me that I may experience these side effects, but that they will go away. It's been over a week and I still feel foggy-headed. Sexy Boyfriend laughed at me on Thursday morning - I called in sick, and he asked me why, and I told him my head felt empty.

Anyway, so after a week of barely dragging myself through each day, it is finally my weekend off. We spent a blissful Saturday on the sofa - ALL DAY. TOGETHER. We watched movies and read the Saturday Gazette, and Sexy Boyfriend did some work and I read a whole book and it was awesome. One day maybe I will have every weekend off.

I am very sad that I have to go in to work this evening for our holiday kick-off meeting. Very sad.

The book that I read yesterday was A Million Little Pieces, by James Frey. It was Oprah's bookclub choice last month, and I happened to catch that episode and people were raving and crying and saying how it deeply affected their lives. Then Costco had the book for $12, so I picked it up. I can't say that the book deeply affected my life. It didn't make me cry, it didn't really move me that much, actually. I think this owes a bit to Frey's writing style, which is pretty sparse and journalistic, so there were parts that could have been meatier for effect, but weren't. I can appreciate what he was going for, but I felt like some parts were missing something for me.

That being said, I couldn't put the book down. It was engaging and it was thoughtful, and it was beautiful and it was ugly.

Now I'm off to enjoy the last four hours of my weekend, which is being rudely cut short by this stupid meeting tonight. I'm so bitter.

Let It Snow - sort of

I'm not exactly what you would call a "Winter Person". I hate snow. I hate the cold. I love early fall and late spring, and usually get on well in the summer, even when it's sticky hot. But I HATE winter.

That being said, there are certain moments throughout the wintertime when I can be found succumbing to the more romantic aspects of the season. For example, I'm a sucker for snow on Christmas and Christmas Eve. I love when I have a day off and we can play "Snow Day" and just stay on the couch and cuddle all day long. And usually, I love the first snow of the year. When you wake up and look out the window, and the whole neighborhood is blanketed with white velvet and no little monkey children have wrecked it yet, and no dogs have peed in it yet and the plows haven't passed yet, churning up all the dirty city dirtiness.

I have been known to be a fan of the purity of the first snowy day.

This year however, I have been majorly ripped off. The first snow came and went and if you blinked you may have missed it. It only lightly dusted the ground with snow, and when I say lightly dusted, I mean that by the time I got up to walk the dogs, it had all blown itself into corners and under cars. And then the next day it snowed again, but I can still see grass. Car windows weren't even covered. I'm so disappointed.

However, you can rest assured that the guy our landlady pays to clear the walk and the stairs came by today and pushed all the snow aside. There wasn't even half a centimetre. I think he must be paid for everytime he shows up, rather than by the season.

The Sexiest Man Alive

People Magazine announced their Sexiest Man Alive today. I find it kinda hilarious that the Sexiest Man Alive changes every year, even if last year's Sexiest Man Alive is still actually alive, and sometimes a previous year's Sexiest Man Alive will become Sexy again years later.

This begs the question: What qualities determine who becomes the Sexiest Man Alive?

They say it is a combination of hotness, charisma, staying power, and current relevance. If a guy hasn't made a movie in ten years, chances are he's not going to go from D-list to Sexiest Man Alive overnight just cause People says so. If he's uber-delicious looking but is rarely seen in public, never interviewed, and leads a rather tedious life, he's also not going ot be on the list. The Sexiest Man Alive is sought after, professionally and fanatically, is in the news, both legit and tabloid, and people just want to know and see more about him.

This begs the question: Why the hell did People magazine choose Matthew McConaughey as their Sexiest Man Alive for 2005?

Sure, he has hotness (kind of a dirty hotness, but hot nonetheless), and charisma (shady car-salesmanish at times, but whatever, he's good for a laugh), and semi-staying power (he's been around since "Dazed and Confused" and has made quite a few good movies since). But current relevance? Wasn't the last movie he made "Sahara"? And I don't remember that making such a huge splash.

Some of the other people I think would have been better choices:
Clive Owen - pretty hot, and even if "Closer" was a movie from last year, at least it swung through the awards season and kept the buzz going.
Vince Vaughn - pretty hot and was in two big movies this summer.
Patrick Dempsey - pretty hot and on one of the hottest shows on TV.
George Clooney - pretty hot, a previous winner, and has two big movies coming out now.

I know I'm just an amateur gossipist, but it seems pretty suspect to me. What do you think?

The dreaded work Christmas party: The Aftermath

The work Christmas party was not really very fun at all. Some funny things happened, I laughed quite a bit, but as I expected, I was so drained from working all day that it was impossible to really enjoy myself. All I could think about was my new comfy pyjamas and my bed. Plus I'm the type of person who prefers a nice dinner out with nice conversation and max 10 people. This was 45 people at like five different long tables screaming across the room at each other in a drunken stupor. Here are some things that I learned that may increase my chances of having a good time next year:

1. Don't sit across the table from the two biggest gossips - they will spend the entire evening whispering back and forth, but you will never actually get in on the conversation.
2. When your fun, witty friends ask you to save them seats, it is best just to arrange to arrive together in the first place, as saving three seats is practically impossible at these things.
3. Don't sit next to your boss when she's drinking. You learn that she has a mean streak (not directed at you, but you're sitting right beside her, so maybe...) and you also learn she is very loud with this mean streak. If we actually had an HR person at our work they would have had a very busy Monday.
4. Try to sit on the same side of the table as the fifty-ish lady who drank too much and is wearing a low-cut shirt. I saw way more wrinkly cleave than I would have liked to see.

We had a gift exchange, which was really fun, and everybody got really great gifts. I got a very nice journal and pen to use for my writing endeavors - very sweet and thoughtful, and definitely more than I expected given that no one really knows me that well.

The only thing that happened that had everyone talking on Monday: one of the other managers, known for being strict and a neat freak was given a gag gift of Mr. Clean and a whip. Most people got quite a laugh out of it, but she did not find it funny at all. She says that if he had taken the time to give a real gift along with the gag gift, then she wouldn't be so insulted. I'm really not sure it would have made a difference.

So, nobody went topless, and no one danced on tables, no one got into any fights and no one got caught making out in the bathroom. These people need to be schooled on how to throw a party.

The dreaded work Christmas party

Tomorrow night is my work's Christmas party.

Because we are in retail, we need to do all of our celebrating before all the other people in the world, so that we can then service the never-ending need of the public to consume during the crazy holiday season.

I kinda don't want to go to this party. First of all, there is a Secret Santa thing going on, and of course I couldn't get someone easy, or at least a female, (who, let's face it, are easier to buy for than most guys - gift certificate for a manicure, bath gel, candles, the list could go on forever). Not only do I get a boy, but I get a boy who works like three hours a week, so it's kinda hard to get to know him.

The second reason I kinda don't want to go to this party is that I get limited amount of time with Sexy Boyfriend, and I particularly enjoy Sunday nights. It's a great TV night, we usually make a pretty decent dinner together, which is fun, Sexy Boyfriend is usually nice and rested from the weekend and thinking less about work than normal, which is cool, and for my part, even if I work on Sunday, I finish at 6 at the latest so we still have a pretty nice evening together.

The third reason that I kinda don't want to go to this party is that I don't really know people at my work that well yet. There are a lot of cool people that I like a lot, but I'm not really friends with anyone. I don't feel comfortable yet to get drunk in front of them yet, for fear that they actually will make fun of me, although, unlike my friends, they will make fun of me behind my back rather than to my face.

But, I'm seeing this as an opportunity to form some bonds with my co-workers, which may make my time at work a little more fun. I'm hoping that someone will drop their pants or at least take their top off - usually stuff like that really breaks the ice.

Another World

I just want to say a big thank you to my CPR/First Aid instructor, Jean, and to my partner, Sarah who spent the entire two day course coughing all over the place, and who were kind enough to pass on those lovely germs to me.

I'm sick again.

And it's my day off, which makes me super mad about it, cause now I don't feel like doing any of the things I planned on doing. Plus I have a dinner tonight for my friend Bry's birthday, and I will feel self-conscious about spreading the disease to more unsuspecting victims.

I just saw a preview for a talk show that is going to be featuring a spot with Linda Dano. She used to be on a soap opera called Another World, and she played a character named Felicia Gallant. I have vivid memories of sitting in the living room watching that show with my grandmother, when I was three or four (so my grandmother would have been in her early forties at the time), and I remember how much she loved that character. She loved the way she did her hair (garish short early eighties cut), she loved the clothing she wore (garish, draping, early eighties outfits), and she loved her irreverant personality.

I watched that soap opera until the day it was cancelled - nine years after my grandmother passed away. Linda Dano was on the show til the very end, and I think part of me felt like I was watching my grandmother on the screen. Part of me just likes a good soap opera.

It's Over

I am mad at Google.

I have always been a lover of all things Google. My dream in life is to finally turn up on a Google search. But then Google was mean to me, and now we are fighting.

Google closed my AdSense account due to "invalid clicks."

I must admit, I am guilty of occasionally clicking on my own ads, which is illegal, but I only click on the ones that actually interest me - like yesterday with the whole "Mind like a Steel Trap" thing. And I don't encourage people to click on my ads - nowhere on my site did it say "Click Here" or any of the other illegal statements. I had never even mentioned having AdSense until yesterday, and I only mentioned it cause it was hilarious that they actually had an ad called "Mind Like a Steel Trap".

And not only did they turn off my account (although they continued to broadcast ads there all day long, so now I have deleted their code from my template), but "The earnings on your account will be properly returned to the affected advertisers." First of all, I seriously doubt the advertisers were affected in any way other than a positive one seeing as how half of the stuff I ever took the time to click on genuinely interested me and I ended up signing up for something. Second of all, I hope the 100 or so advertisers that were clicked on during my time with AdSense enjoy their respective shares of the 20 bucks or so that was accrued. What's that, like five cents each?

So what can I do? I have sent them a strongly worded letter about how annoying they are, which I don't expect to result in anything cause if they can't even register me for a search through their search engine, they definitely can't respond to an email with anything but a computer generated response.

For now I will start researching alternatives to AdSense - I've seen a few other programs on other sites, and I may sign up for "Donate" on Amazon.com, although I feel better making money publishing ads rather then having readers contribute their own money to the cause.

Just a Tease

I just went to my blog page and one of the ads was titled "Memory like a Steel Trap". This was one of the things in my 100 things post. I got really excited cause I thought it might have some explanation as to why minds are being compared to steel traps all the time, but it didn't.

I'm sure I could Google it, but I'm too lazy. I thought that AdSense was subliminally sending me the answers to all of life's big questions. Maybe AdSense will find me a job I like too.

Resuscitating plastic dummies is exhausting

I just finished my yummy supper of Camp Macaroni leftovers - YUM!

Today was Day 1 of my First Aid/CPR class, paid for by work. The class is being held downtown, and driving in this morning with Sexy Boyfriend, I realized how nice it would be to work a regular 9-5 downtown, and do this everyday.

Anyway, I don't do well in classroom situations, especially when there are no notes to take (they give you this little book and everything is in there). I generally tend to nod off, especially when the room is warm, and I haven't had any coffee. I made it through today, but I have one more day tomorrow. I will try to get my coffee on the way in.

Taking the course makes me think of a story my friend S told me. Last year, the day before her birthday, S's sister T took the First Aid class as well. On the morning of her birthday, S woke up to T sitting on her, clapping her hand and pinching her saying "Are you okay? My name is T. Do you need First Aid? Can I help you?" I thought about that story all day, and how friggin' hilarious it would be if when the alarm goes off tomorrow morning I jump on Sexy Boyfriend and start clapping and pinching him. He'd probably think I was trying to get fresh.

Sexy Boyfriend is at BU today - he was asked to speak to a Finance class there (he's too smart for his own good, I think). I am very sad that he's there cause we could have spent a nice evening together, but I am secretly hoping he will bring home some Village Grec poutine.

Comfort food can make your day

Today, I got a hankerin' for something from my childhood. While walking through Costco (yes, we went to Costco again), it struck me, and I just couldn't shake it.

When I was little, my grandparents used to make this macaroni. I remember having it most at our camp, but my Nanny made it at our house too. It consists of: macaroni, fried hamburger meat (loose), and diced tomatoes. That's it. Once it is cooked and on your plate, you then season with salt and pepper, usually with lots of pepper. It might sound ghetto, and it is. My family didn't have a ton of money when I was growing up, so we had tons of simple meals like this. But this one, it tastes SO GOOD.

When it popped into my head at Costco, I mentioned it to Sexy Boyfriend. He said that he used to have this macaroni when he was little too. We left Costco, and stopped immediately at IGA to get the ingredients, all the while I interrogated him to make sure we were talking about the same thing.

"You don't add any spices."
"Nope."
"And you can't put too much of the juice from the tomatoes in there either, it has to be just the pieces of the tomato."
"Yep."
"And the meat gets drained, but not completely drained."
"Yeah, and we used to put some cheese on it."
"Blasphemy!!!"

Anyway, once it was ready, I was a little nervous that it wouldn't be as good as I remembered it. Especially since I made a HUGE ass pot of it, and I really had my hopes up that it would be my yummy lunch all week. But it tasted just as good as when I was small. We both ate our whole platefuls non-stop. At one point Sexy Boyfriend (who did not put cheese on it, by the way, I think in deference to my trip down memory lane) turned to me and said "I wish I had a spoon so I could shovel it in faster."

We have named this macaroni "Camp Macaroni". I can't wait for lunch tomorrow.

Would you like some spicy tuna with your lasagna?

We went to see Jarhead tonight, which Sexy Boyfriend found a little disappointing, but which I didn't mind so much. I generally like most war movies - I think the only one I didn't like was The Thin Red Line, which put me to sleep. Just don't expect a lot of killing from Jarhead.

We then picked up some sushi from a really nice Japanese restaurant up the street - it was so yummy! When they first opened up, we thought it was kinda weird that they put such a nice sushi restaurant in such a low-budget, Italian neighborhood. (And by Italian, I mean people yell at each other in Italian, and that when they came to fix our front steps this summer, I'm pretty sure at least half of the "workers" were mobbed up). Anyway, the restaurant is a nice revelation cause it's really close, and the atmosphere is really nice. For once we won't have to drive for half an hour to have a decent night out.

Overall, I felt really low today. I'm struggling with some issues about the future, and figuring things out, and am starting to have these little panic attacks. I get so overcome and overwhelmed that I feel desperate for a solution, and then when something sounds good, I just want to do it, right then, so I can feel better as soon as possible. I got teary in Costco today. Costco, for Christ's sake, with the giant packages of SOS pads and pies the size of my dog. For now I'm doing some research into a few changes I can make, and we'll see how things go.

Melancholy in my sole

I have been struggling with some work stuff lately in that I seemingly hate my job, but am not sure I have the right to hate my job, since my job is really not that bad, and until I realized I hate my job I was actually having fun when I went there. While trying to figure out why I could be hating my job, I made a mental list of things I dislike about the job, and one thing stuck out. This is probably not the reason I am hating my job (I have that figured out already), but I'm absolutely positive it is contributing to my job melancholy.

I miss wearing pretty shoes.

I love wearing heels, especially boots with heels. With jeans, or even better, with dress pants. The dress pants at my store are the perfect length for me to wear with the boots that I like. So, I can't buy any of them to wear to work because the boots that I like will KILL my feet. And I will not have them hemmed, cause then when I go out (okay, so this is like a once a year occurence, but whatever), then I can't wear them with the boots I like.

PLUS this season there are SO MANY cute shoes and boots, so many that I am almost drooling by the time I leave Brown's.

Meanwhile, for work I am alternately wearing an old beat-up pair of black loafer-type shoes that are all scuffed and ugly, and also a pair of Puma trainers that are all scuffed and beat up and ugly. They were nice once, but now they are old and ugly. And I can't bring myself to spend money on a pair of comfortable, ugly shoes when there are SO MANY GORGEOUS shoes that I could be spending money on.

So sad.

Mysteries of The Cycle, and other oddities

I would like to take a moment to talk about the bane of my existence. I need to talk about my period.

My period and I go back a long way. You would think we would be at least on civil terms by now, but no. Each month she rips her way through my body, bloating me and cramping me and ripping out my insides until I want to shovel my eyes out with spoons from the floor of a dirty Mexican restaurant.

Now, every girl out there knows what I'm talking about, and every guy out there wishes he didn't know what I was talking about. But I don't want to rant about those things we cannot change. I want to ponder the Mysteries of The Cycle. Mainly, the Mystery of the Synchronized Cycle.

Women in groups will generally end up having their periods in the same week. It just happens. At my last job, we all shared pretty much the same week. Now, at my new job, I'm all off their cycle, and everyone gets it a week ahead of me. What I would like to know, is how in the world does this happen when so many people are on birth control? I take my pills so that my cycle is exactly 28 days, almost down to the minute. (I also take them so I don't end up with any unexpected little monkeys running around, but that's beside the point.) How, then, with so many people on the pill, do we still manage to end up on the same cycle as the women around us? It blows my mind.

In other news, Entertainment Tonight just did a piece about a made for TV movie based on Charles and Camilla's love affair. They didn't exactly keep it true to reality as Camilla's character is not played by a horse. And the Diana character doesn't look like a princess. And Charles doesn't look like an inbred monkey.

Today was my day off and I actually acted like a normal person, which means I had breakfast with a friend, then ran some errands OUTSIDE OF MY HOUSE, NOT ON THE INTERNET, AND NOT IN THE MALL WHERE I WORK, then did some laundry and watched some TV and generally relaxed. It's almost like I'm a completely well-adjusted human or something. Nonetheless, now I feel exhausted. I will probably fall asleep watching Law and Order. It better not be a re-run.